I don't know where this post belongs but I'm putting here because I'm 33 and I'm in a long term relationship and ready for kids. Part of the reason why I am sooooo motivated to lose this weight and doing so well so far is because about 6 wks ago my boyfriend basically told me that he hasn't proposed to me yet because of my weight. He mentioned that he was afraid of us getting married, and having kids and then I get sick and die because of my weight. I was really depressed for about 2-3 wks, but after tearful conversations he reassured me that he does love me but fears the future if my weight remains as it is. I've never had something motivate me as much as motherhood. We haven't revisited the conversation of when he would be comfortable with my weight enough for us to try to move forward, but here is a question for the 30 something parents that maybe got pregnant during trying to lose weight. I know a doctor is really who I should talk to about this and I will, but how much weight can you really lose when pregnant and have it still be healthy for the baby? I'm 33 and my clock is ticking loudly.
I'm not sure who you should talk to, but I am in the same boat as you. I need/want to lose a significant amount of weight, and want to be a mommy so bad that it isn't even funny anymore. My significant other said the same thing, and we have been working together to create a healthy sustainable lifestyle (I thought I remember reading about something with your SO and pizza). That might be a good way to approach it with him. There are some things my boyfriend will not touch at all, no matter how much I play up the health benefits (or things he will never give up, like burger king and poptarts). If you find anything out or want a buddy with a similar goal let me know!!!
I am glad it motivates you, however I kind of do agree with Ian. I understand that your significant other is worried about the future, but to say that is why he has not proposed... I too believe love should see through weight.
That being said, I do not know anything about weight loss and being pregnant. I would definitely talk to my doctor about it if I were you.
I gained quickly with all three of my babies. With my last one I was almost up to 200 LBS by 7 months and with her I was the most aware of what I was eating and making better choices.
I understand where Ian and Becs are coming from, but lets be perfectly honest, if you were with somebody and cared for them and their well being, but seeing them self destruct you'd have second thoughts about the future. There was a time when my SO had a major problem with drugs and alcohol and actually in the 10 yrs that we have been together I have just become comfortable with the idea of us getting married in the last 2 yrs. I loved him and was there for him but when things with his issues were not stable, I thought, "until this is worked out we can't move forward." He has worked hard to make himself a better person for himself, me and his future children... and I think that it is reasonable for me to do the same. I know there are various schools of thought on whether overeating is an addiction. I am not sure what I think but I know that just as it took work for him to make himself better and healthy, it is going to take me the same. Being that you did divorce, Ian, I am sure that you understand that marraige isn't all about floating hearts and butterfly kisses. Its hard work and sometimes decisions need to be made with reasoning and not so much with emotion. I love my SO very much, but if I had my life in control and he was still out of control, I might decide that there is no way that I would want to bring kids into our situation. Don't get me wrong I was very upset with our original conversation, but I understand that it was coming out of a place of love and concern for my well-being. The same place in my head where I stalk my parents on fitbit to make sure they're moving around and how he stalks his retired dad to make sure that he's moving around. To say that my weight is nobody's business but mine is kinda not true. Of course that is what I felt at first, but it is the business of my loved ones if I am harming myself with it. Not just my SO but my parents who would be heartbroken if they lost their child before they died or my hypothetical children if i left them without a mother, my brother, my nephew.....everybody close to my heart if I left them because of a weight related health issue that could have been prevented rather than me self destructing. No need to apologize. I don't believe that anybody on this site speaks out of turn. Its an open forum and hearing other people opinions helps others see things from different points of view. Thats nothing but helpful in my eyes.
Regardless of the fact that I may not agree with it, I am glad it motivates you and makes you want to be a better person. I do hope your dreams come through. There is nothing in the world more rewarding than being a mommy!!
Thank you. It is actually the biggest motivation I've ever had bc whether or not I have my SO in my life in the future, I'm always going to know that I will be a mom, whether that means with him, with somebody else, with a donor or through adoption. I want to be healthy for however that child or those children come into my life
I think people read into the "my partner wants me to lose weight" for very different reason.
I totally get you and where your boyfriend are coming from. He says he loves you, but he worries for his and your future - it's about HEALTH and behaviors... not size and vanity. I think sometimes our egos get wrapped up into the, "you would love me more if I were skinny." I know I've fallen into that trap. And... my husband is more affectionate and more attracted to me when I'm thinner, but the SHAPE and SIZE of my body are only part of the story. He is more attracted to me because I'm healthier and taking care of myself - which secures a better future for us as a couple.
I know my husband has been WAY worried about my recent and rapid weight gain. He still loves me, but he's worried about my mental state and my health and what it means for us going forward. I would worry similarly if he had an issue he was struggling with.
But, back to your initial question, yes, you should try to lose weight before getting pregnant. I got pregnant with both my kids while overweight (around 265 with the youngest and 220 with the oldest). With both pregnancies (using nurse midwives) I was told to try to not gain weight during pregnancy- and I didn't. Both times I was 30 pounds light post baby than pre baby a couple weeks post partum.
It is also easier to try to lose weight when you aren't exhausted with a newborn or young child. AND your fertility will be better the thinner you get.
Good luck to you!
Last edited by berryblondeboys; 05-27-2015 at 10:42 AM.
When I read your thread title I thought 'ha, nobody is ever actually ready for kids!' (That's the very tired mum in me talking!)
I don't want to comment on your relationship, but I can tell you about my experiences with pregnancy and weight. I enjoyed my first pregnancy far too much and gained a lot of weight, it's very easily done. I also had post natal depression which contributed to me gaining even more after my first baby was born. Eventually I managed to get to a place where I had enough bandwidth to do something about it, and lost a couple of stone. During my second pregnancy I was determined not to let things get so out of control. I had severe hyperemesis during my second pregnancy and was only able to eat normally in my third trimester. I ate very healthily whenever I was able to and yet I still managed to gain 1 1/2 stone. It can just happen.
My honest advice would be to lose as much as you are able to in a healthy manner before pregnancy, and also especially focus on fitness (pregnancy, birth and recovery are hard work, however it happens). But during actual pregnancy I think it wise to just try and nourish your body healthily and look after yourself, it's not a time to lose, you never know how it's going to be and you may not need the extra pressure. Maybe when the time comes consider it a pause in your journey, then carry on afterwards. It's only my opinion, and your Dr will be best placed to advise, but I really think we need to be gentle on ourselves when pregnant xx
I desperately wanted a second child and that was my turning point for wanting to lose weight. I was obese at the time and weighed over 200 pounds. I now have an 8 month old daughter and I am currently trying for my third.
I don't get the whole pregnancy/weight gain(loss) thing. lol
My first daughter I literally (yes, the true definition of literally) vomited EVERY single meal. I couldn't keep ANYTHING down. I ate VERY healthy, and even gave up pop and sugar drinks the day I found out. (I still only drink milk, water, and juice occasionally.) From day 1, all 3 trimesters, and even while in delivery - morning sickness and heartburn were horrible for me. I was very active - swimming every day and taking lots of walks. Weight-gain: 30 lbs.
2nd daughter - NEVER had morning sickness. NEVER had heartburn. I ATE and ATE and ATE with NO regard to health. (Man, I was a sucker for ribs and ice cream.) I still stuck to my milk and water rule, though. I was very INactive and I actually LOST 12 lbs.
Everybody is different but strictly speaking you should not lose weight while pregnant. I am a registered nurse, however obstetrics is not my specialty by any means. The general rule is the larger you are to start your pregnancy the less you should gain. An obese woman may gain as little as 10-15lbs whereas an underweight woman could gain 35-40lbs and both situation would be viewed as healthy weight gain.
On a personal level I really feel for you. I'm 30, so ready for kids, my fiance is ready as well but I'm pretty darn terrified. I don't want to carry kids while obese, and I'm not naive enough to think that I'm gonna lose a ton of weight the first couple years of my kids lives because parenting is tough!
I guess it comes down to motivation. If having a healthy pregnancy is the motivating factor that sticks then that's wonderful!
A friend of mine had the opposite issue with his fiance. She was WAY too skinny. She was overweight when they first started dating and at some point she decided the weight needed to go...and she took it too far. She would get up at 4 a.m. every day to work out for two hours before work, only eat from a limited selection of about 10 low calorie, low fat food items and her periods stopped for several years. He told her that he did not want to get married while being s concerned about her physical and mental health and well-being, especially if children were ever going to be in the picture. It's a struggle that people go through on both ends of the spectrum.
Kiwi, I didn't get pregnant while losing weight but I did get pregnant a short while after hitting the goal I had at the time. While pregnant it was a struggle to balance my eating habits with what my providers told me I needed to do for the baby. I wanted so much to maintain the hard-earned behaviors that helped me lose weight, but I would also become periodically terrified that I was hurting the baby. Then I would try to loosen up and eat the recommended way (more carbs, more calories) and then become terrified I would blow up again to my old starting weight! Then I would feel guilty because maternal stress is not good for the baby. By the second trimester I just had to let it go and dutifully ate the extra recommended calories. After giving birth I had an extra five-ish pounds that was most likely persistent water weight.
Also bear in mind that if you plan on nursing, that is not always the magic weight loss bullet some people claim. When the body produces excess prolactin it can actually make fat loss harder.
In my personal opinion, it would be worthwhile to wait another year or two to get to a weight that you feel comfortable with. Pregnancy can be stressful (for both you and your partner), and you are going to want to enjoy it as much as possible..because once the baby arrives, all bets are off!
Ready for kids
