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Newbie! Used to be 120lbs., now in the 200s

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Old 03-13-2011, 03:22 PM   #1
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Unhappy Newbie! Used to be 120lbs., now in the 200s

I've been a registered user since June 2009, but just now am getting the courage to post my first thread. About six-years years ago I used to be a svelte size 6 mainly due to my addiction to Tae-Bo, which I used to do six days a week and a very strict diet regimen.

I got married in 2005 and, basically, that's where my downfall began. By then, I had already stopped taking care of myself and decided to "live life" with my new husband. Soon, things between my soon to be ex-husband and I started to sour. It wasn't long before our constant arguments and other personal issues landed me in a full-on battle with depression. My self-esteem, which I was already lacking to begin with, was now at an all time low. I ate everything I could get my hands on out of anxiety or whatever, and my days basically consisted of going to work, then to class, and, finally, home. I never left the house on weekends. I was never a social butterfly, but I wasn't even spending quality time with my family. I sought therapy and was given anti-depressants, which made my weight problem even worse to control. Now, I'm in the middle of a divorce and live back home with my mom, who is very concerned for my health and well being with my current appearance. I haven't weighed myself in about two months, and the last time I did I was at a hefty 237 lbs. Oh, and I'm only 5'2"

The reason I'm writing this because I NEED HELP! I hate the way I look and hate looking at myself in the mirror. I feel ashamed the few times I've been on the treadmill at the gym and get tired very easily. I want to be the girl I was before, with loads of energy to work out for two hours six days a week. The motivation is just not there anymore. I've tried to prepare myself mentally to workout and to take care of myself, but it's not possible at all. I've never been this overweight. How do I get back that wonderful feeling?
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Old 03-13-2011, 05:53 PM   #2
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I totally understand where you are coming from. I weigh about the same as you and have gained 100 lbs since May 2010. I absolutely knew i was getting big and i was sooooo depressed that instead of stopping what i was doing to myself at 200 i just kept gaining more and more 210, 220, 230, 238.5. I would be so embarassed to go to the gym because i used to practically live there and now when i walked in it was like everyone could see i've fallen off the wagon. I actually had this guy say to me he was looking for my face on a milk carton because he thought i'd been kidnapped i hadn't been to the gym in so long.

I have avoided going places besides work and have no clothes to wear. I knew i had hit rock bottom but everyday i said i would change things and work out and everyday i kept putting it off and eating and eating. Then I finally just got soo mad at myself that i just started on Feb 20th. I am a teacher so i was on break for the week and i made myself go to the gym everyday just for an hour. I didn't do anything except the elliptical. The whole time i was on it i couldn't wait to get off and kept thinking i wish i hadn't done this to myself. But i did and now i am the only one who can fix it.

I compare myself to what i used to look like/ what i used to weigh/ what clothes i wore last year all the time. I became obsessed with the scale not going down fast enough like it used to. I have yo-yo'd my whole life by large amounts of weight and i hate that i have to go through all this hard work again when i'm scared i will fail or i will lose it and then gain it all back like i always do.

But i started. And even though i'm only down 7 lbs that is 7lbs closer to what i used to weigh and be. I think you just need to start and take it one day at a time. I'm super depressed still but i keep telling myself with each passing day i will make it. Good luck, you can do it and welcome to the boards!
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Old 03-15-2011, 02:19 PM   #3
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I was also embarrassed to go to the gym. My best investments were exercise videos (I always recommend the Leslie Sansone walking videos....I find them therapeutic!!!) and a treadmill. When I was at a higher weight I lost the weight easily just doing the walking videos and choosing better foods. As I have lost the weight I've kept on tweaking but still not counting calories. I now go to the gym and walk nearly everywhere. I am also now using alli and I really like them because I know if I do everything right I will lose weight, whereas before I would get stuck sometimes.
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Old 03-15-2011, 07:56 PM   #4
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i COMPLETELY understand. I've gone from a 6 to a 16 in the past 2 years. it's so incredibly overwhelming!! I've been trying to think of it in increments of 10 lbs. It makes it a little less difficult!! You can do this!!
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Old 03-15-2011, 08:20 PM   #5
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I wanted to lose 15 pounds before going to the gym. Only people on this board understand why! But I have been working out since the end of January and I started out with hardly any stamina whatsoever. But you will be absolutely AMAZED how quickly you can build it up. And to hide it in the beginning I'd walk 15 minutes, did weights, then another 15 minutes of walking. I made it appear as that was my plan but the truth is, 15 minutes was all I could do. I am up to a little over an hour now, fast walking and on an incline.

I look back now wishing I would have joined the gym ASAP. Because when I am working out I pay attention to no one or what they are doing. Just like they probably weren't paying attention to me back in the beginning.

YOU CAN DO THIS! I know it seems overwhelming but I def agree with Sasha. You need to set mini goals. That is the only thing that keeps me sane. I focus on the smaller picture, not the bigger one. Continue reaching out for advice and support.

Hugs to you.
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Old 03-16-2011, 12:14 AM   #6
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Thank you ladies for responding! Right now, I am preparing myself mentally and hyping myself up to do this. I just don't want this to be temporary thing; only work out 3 days and then quit...so we'll see. I'll post my progress as I go along. Thank you all again
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Old 03-16-2011, 11:23 AM   #7
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Hi Ladies,
I just wanted to say hi, and I know the feeling. I used to be tiny and loved to work out as well. Now, not so much, lol.
I hate when people (even family and friends) try to tell me how to lose weight, as if I have never been thin before, as if I have no idea about working out...Being fat does not mean I am suddenly stupid.

Knowledge does not create drive, and after two or three really horrendous relationship experiences, I just havent had it in me.
I have been so depressed that I just told myself I was fat already and so who cares- that began when I weighed about 140s...

I have now lost three lbs this week, and I am working out at the gym every day.
I joined a gym for woman, and go late at night- with the other chubby ladies! haha

You will get there, little by little- you have a lot of people in your corner and pulling for you. *HUGS
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