Maybe there is something wrong with me. I don't hate my body. I have an amazing load-bearing body. I naturally build and carry a good deal of muscle. I do not need DH's help to move furniture, sleeping children, grain/fertilizer bags, hay bales or tackle (less bulky) home improvement tasks. I have an hourglass figure that needs some attention. I would like to burn some fat off my body.
Maybe I have a problem. I don't look in the mirror and say, "Ugh, gross!" even though I'm wearing a size 20 jeans and weigh 230lbs. I look in the mirror and say, "Not bad! There's room for improvement, but you look pretty good today."
I want to get down to 25% body fat percentage. Depending on your source, this is either average, or healthy. I could be as low as 28% or as high as 33% right now. The calipers method is imprecise, but it will at least show changes up or down reliably. So, I've got some math:
[current weight in lbs X(1.00 - current BFP)] x (1.00 + BFP goal) = goal in lbs
[230 x (1.00 - .28)] x (1.00 + .25) = 207
*or, possibly*
[230 x (1.00 - .33] x (1.00 + .25) = 192.6
I expect to lose some muscle in dieting, but I figure I'll just have to track and adjust accordingly.
I am I totally crazy? Or is this what healthy is like? Should I feel aversion or shame when I look in the mirror? Am I in denial because I don't?
I am I totally crazy? Or is this what healthy is like? Should I feel aversion or shame when I look in the mirror? Am I in denial because I don't?
Well... if you are crazy, so am I! And I hate to say it, but sometimes I think it is likely that I am. I don't feel shame over my body. In fact, sometimes I think I lack modesty that I really should have. This is my body and it is a very capable body. I can also lift heavy things with minimal effort. I can reach tall shelves. I can carry my 27 lb toddler for hours at a time.
I am lucky enough to have my weight evenly distributed throughout my whole body. I do not have any area that sticks out more than any other. I have curvy hips and boobs, strong legs and arms. After the 25 lbs I have lost so far I really don't SEE a difference in the mirror... I mean, I am a size smaller, so my clothes are different. When I stretch to touch my toes after exercising, I have less belly fat getting in the way. But I don't SEE the difference in the mirror.
I do have this weird saggy, wrinkly thing going on where my c-section scar is that I wouldn't want to show everyone... but I have the cutest boy in the world to show for it.
It actually makes me sad to think of the many on this forum who do feel shame for their bodies. Those who are afraid to wear tank tops or shorts or go swimming. I think we should ALL be proud of our bodies. Proud of what they are capable of. Proud of the emotions and the experience are bodies bring us through.
I have a scar on my ankle from hiking with my family when I was five. A scar on my knee from having chips removed after a mishap during a basketball game in college. I have another scar on my knee from being tripped at a club in red high heels. A scar in my eyebrow from Jr. High School. I have spidey veins on my legs just like my mommy. I have a c-section scar and stretch marks from my son. I have stretch marks on my boobs from puberty. I have freckles on my shoulders from sun damage. And some day, in the not very distant future, I will have wrinkles from smiling too much!
I think our bodys are scrapbooks of where we've been and what we've done. It's in the imperfections that tell the stories of the great and wonderful things we've done. I think we should all be proud of the imperfections. Those are what make us unique. And we all have them...
I wish I could feel that way when I look in the mirror. But you know what's funny? When my friends tell me how they hate the way they look and hate their bodies, I don't see it. They're beautiful, strong women and should be proud of their bodies no matter what size. Why I can't apply this to myself, I don't know.
It's good to have a healthy level of self-esteem. If you want to stay bigger, then by all means. Even when I'm not worried about how i look, i worry about my health- carrying all this extra weight is not good for a body.
Bluefruitmama- where did you learn your body fat percentage? We weigh about the same and mine is between 40 & 50, depending on what scale you use. I've never heard of a 200 pound woman having 25% body fat, unless she's an athlete.
I think a healthy self image is necessary for optimum health. Congrats! You're on your way!!
Let me say this - you may want to consider getting a full physical complete with bloodwork to analyze your blood pressure, cholesterol, blood glucose, visceral fat and body fat percentage to go along with working on the "weight number." These things are indicators to a higher risk of disease.
You may be very happy with your looks (kudos!) but at 5'6" and 230lbs, your body systems are not happy with it - and as you age, extra weight will end up in many health woes.
I wish more women would think like you. Working on your weight for the sake of your health and your future has much more lasting benefit than working on it to fit into a certain size of jeans.
The latter has been a whole lot more effective. And it's easier and alot more fun too.
Even at nearly 400 lbs, I didn't hate myself, not even my appearance. There were aspects of being fat I hated, but even those I didn't dwell on, I had too much to do.
I've been dieting since I was 5 years old, more unsuccessfully than successfully. The failures didn't decimate my self esteem because there was so much I was successful at.
Even fat I had boyfriends. I didn't attract the cutest guys, or the greatest number, but I did attract funny, creative, and smart guys (no doubt because those were the strongest aspects of my own personality too).
I didn't understand (at least not for many years) why many of my smaller, cuter friends (and later sisters) had more dating trouble than I did (attracting losers who would hurt them, or having trouble attracting someone at all).
I learned early that sexy is far more between the ears than anywhere else. Funny, creative, and smart IS sexy. Physical beauty is a short cut to be sure, but short cuts aren't always the best path to travel.
You don't have to hate yourself or your body to succeed at weight loss. You don't have to think you're ugly or useless.
From experience I can say that losing weight and getting healthy as a way to take care of and even pamper yourself is a whole lot more fun than trying to power change through self-hatred.
Hatred is not a clean-burning fuel. It pollutes your body, your mind, and your soul - and the environment (the social environment that is, hurting your relationships with other people, and hurting the people you care about as well).
It's also hard to run on hatred for very long. Hatred saps energy as much or more as it gives. When you run out of hatred, you run out of steam, unless you have something to replace it with. Positive emotions burn cleaner - they don't sap your energies the way hatred can.
A lot of people tell me I'm wrong, that they (and they believe most people) need (or at least needed at one time) self-hatred to start the fire under their butt.
Maybe both perspectives have valid arguments. Maybe people are motivated by different things. Maybe some people do need self-hatred, but I've never found it helpful in the long-run. And weight loss is all about the long-run. Losing weight temporarily can be harder on your mind and body than not losing at all. So it's all about sustainability. What do you want to live on hatred or love?
Thanks for all the great feedback! It's nice to know I'm not alone.
My blood pressure is not only fine, it's great, according to my MD, but I cannot remember the numbers. My resting heart rate is 62, which is excellent. My cholesterol is elevated, but my MD is not concerned because the ratio is excellent and has been improving (runs in the family). My body fat was measured at the university gym by the woman who is the director, has a masters in health, fitness & nutrition. We used the caliper method, but also double checked with an impedance method (this is why I gave two numbers). My glucose numbers have not been tested since 2007, but they were good then. I've restricted my carbs so I'm not sure why that would be a problem.
Using the YMCA method (google YMCA body fat), which relies on measuring visceral fat (waist measurement) I have 34% body fat. This is only one percent higher than my current high-range professional guesstimate. This would put my target weight goal at 189.75.
I am curious as to why my body is going to be falling apart regardless of body composition. I understand BMI. . . is a *screening tool* to be used by doctors and not a golden rule for what is and what is not healthy. High BMIs and high BFPs usually run hand-in-hand, but it's not always so. Where is the study that shows people with high BMIs and healthy BFPs falling apart? All I can find are studies that rely on BMI, presumably because it's easier and less expensive to measure.
I know I will feel better physically at a healthy BFP. I know I will be able to stay the active mom I enjoy being, and even better! I'm focusing on joys. For me, I find joy to be a better motivator than fear.
Last edited by BlueFruitMomma; 08-20-2010 at 02:44 PM.
Reason: forgot to thank ppl
Can you bottle some of that up and send some my way? I WISH I had your confidence and wonderful outlooks. I think that is the ultimate goal....to feel good in our own skin. I wish the world was full of people like you and that I could be one of them!
Kaplods, I loved everything you had to say....as always!
Maybe something wrong with how I perceive my body
