Does anyone have any advice on how to get through a rough patch?
Normally I try to stay fairly positive and cheerful, but things are getting to me.
I'm living in a new, huge city when I've always been a small-town girl... I don't have any friends nearby (all are at least 80 miles away), new job, bad apartment. My dad is the only family I have left, he's 120 miles away and busy with work and his wife and stepkids.
I have an SO, but our relationship is counter-productive... we do nothing but fight, and this is not an environment I really need to be in. However, due to my job and finances it's the only choice I have. We had another ENORMOUS fight last night, and as always, it ended with me sick and in tears. I'm trying to cope until I have an alternative, but it's tough. Today I'm so stressed I haven't been able to keep on track with my calories - I'm lucky if I've taken in 350 total for the day. I haven't had the emotional energy to get on the Gazelle today, and I really need to make that a daily thing even if only for a few minutes.... I have a lot of physical limitations that will improve if I can gradually introduce exercise.
I know this part is going to sound really petty, but it was kinda the straw that broke the camel's back. Last weekend I bought a pair of next-size down jeans to help with motivation. I was thinking that I really wasn't that far away from fitting into them, but I tried them on for giggles and was shocked at what a long way I have to go to get into them. Made me realize how much bigger I am than I thought, how badly I'd been kidding myself, and how far I have to go.
So I've been sitting on the couch in tears, overwhelmed with this awful apartment, the chores that still need done, my awful weight, bad relationship (oh ugh only 4 more hours til he's off work).... and I have no desire to eat.
I don't want to go into starvation mode, been there, done that, and the lost weight came back with reinforcements. I need to just shake it off, but can't seem to do it on my own this time, so I was hoping someone out there had some words of wisdom. I'd really appreciate it.
Sorry for the long post, and I wasn't really sure where to put it.
I really have no words of wisdom or any kind of magic wand to make everything better. It's true sometimes life just sucks.
On a positve note I see you've lost 12 pounds since joining!!! I think that's pretty fantastic in itself!!!
Personally I think the jean idea is pretty kool -- you just have to keep trying on the jeans once a week and before you know it they will fit perfectly and you will be back at the store purchasing an even smaller size to go for.
I hope everything gets better -- the job, the apartment & the relationship....
Don't worry about the chores , don't worry about the SO thats going to be gone in next 4 hours (for whatever time), don't worry about new place-new job-new anything.
Have a CD player? MP3 player? you-tube if nothing else? ~ put on some good music, something you like-something you love..soft rock? heavy metal? just some good old classics? ..put the music on, take bath..eat something-anything..ice-cream if nothing else? some hot soup..just remember-its very simple..one foot in front of other and then repeat..don't stress over where life is gonna take you but remember where you can take your life at this particular moment.
I know all of this sound too cheesy but it works..music works-food works-rest works...
Let us know if you need any more of pick-me-up moments and we are all here for you..
Thanks so much, you two - it helps knowing that people care
roxxie rocket, thanks.. actually I think my loss may be a little higher when I weigh in tomorrow (I do it on Sundays), there's something to look forward to. I'm really excited (usually), it's been less than a month and I'm doing it the right way. And, you're right, I'll try the jeans again in a week or so, and feel better that they're a bit closer.
tiredalways , thanks... actually, hot soup, mp3 and a bubble bath sounds really good right now. I have fresh soft pjs to get into, and there's my favorite honey vanilla chamomile tea.
I have just been feeling so alone.... thank you both so much, you've really helped that!
I am glad you are feeling better Take good rest today night and just do one chore tomorrow ..start with small and you will see nothing is impossible. I once had about 200 dishes all around the sink and kitchen and I decided to do all the spoons & forks only.. that way i got the chance to separate out everything to find those spoons and eventually after 3-4 hours, all the dishes were magically done ....I know that analogy doesn't sound that great but its that simple..chores will be done in its own time..first take good care of yourself and if you think you are getting in fight with SO a lot-try not to deal with him at all for few days..that will give you time to deal with everything else because I have seen that fights take away all the energy and then there is nothing left in you to do anything else..just my 2 cents..i hope your day tomorrow is better than today and the next one better than tomorrow and so on and so forth
I know the feeling of being alone in a city full of your family. I know about rough patches, hard times, and bad situations all too well, but I won't bore you with the details. What I will say is what was suggested above, I go to my music. I put on music that makes me feel strong, confident, powerful. I listen, I may not move all day, I just lay there and listen. The chores will get done and you will eat, but right now, you need to be in a good headspace. Now, scream, cry-do whatever you need to to make yourself feel better and then let it go. Look toward the future and find the positives in everything that you can see and feel. You will see, things will be okay....Best of luck to you.
Sorry you are going through this. For me when I go through rough periods the first thing I do is pray. Not sure if you believe in some sort of higher power or not but thats a start for me. Another thing is I would try to go out and meet people. Nothing happens somethings we have to make them happen. Go to a library, local events such as football games, plays, anything fun and social that would allow you to meet other people. Find people that will make you happy and be proud of the changes you are making in your life. I also love to read inspiring quotes, they just do something to me and I feel that I can do anything when I read them.
3fatchicks is awesome as well because you get to make online friends. What do you like to do? Find a hobby and stick to that. As far as your situation with your boyfriend try and communicate more maybe that will help. Good luck and I hope things get better, however you also have to believe that they will!!
Just keep talking to others. You may consider attending a local church service to get plugged in with some new friends. Search the internet to see what kinds of churches are out there - ours has contemporary music (which I LOVE!) and Adult Bible School that is grouped by age...pretty fun (actually met my husband in class!). I didn't grow up going to church much, so I didn't know how fun / social some churches are!
Anyway - it might help you not feel so isolated. Tons of these for you!
sorry I don't have any advice other than to just hang in there and know you are not alone!! I have been there a few times in my life...hang in there girl!!
I'm surprised no one else has brought it up...but if you're miserable w/ your boyfriend why don't you get out of the relationship??? It may not be the easiest thing to do, but it's better than sitting at home DREADING when he comes home from work. All that dread and emotional turmoil from the fights CAN'T be good for your progress. You have to make yourself happy first...then you can work on the rest.
Thanks, everyone!! I'm sorry so many people know what it's like.
Devsmama, oh, goodness, it is AMAZING how much stress relief screaming was!! Very cathartic, and I wouldn't have thought of it. I've been listening to some positive music, and that helps too. I'm sorry that you've been there done that, tho!
Matilda08, you're right, I need to get out of this apartment and start socializing!!
mortonpixie, looking online for my type of church is a great idea, especially in such a large, unfamilar city.
Refuse to Give Up thank you... I think your username is great advice.
Natasha1534, I would absolutely love to leave... but unfortunately when I moved here, I signed a lease with him ($6,500 fee to break it)... and I'm just not making enough money to live on my own. I'm hoping to be able to just make it through the next 8-10 months, if I do, I'll be able to handle things financially. You're right though, I do need to make myself happy. I changed positions at work (that makes a big difference!), and the upside is we now work opposite shifts with no time off together. If I'm careful I can see him twice a week, when I get here after work on his days off.
I'm sorry that you are having such a tough time. Try to remind yourself that this is temporary. IT WILL GET BETTER.
Make a few tiny changes to help yourself feel better. Buy something pretty to look at in your apartment. Forget about the one size smaller pants and get yourself some cute jewelry. Watch a funny movie.
Some day all of this will be history. We are cheering for you!
Last edited by doingmybest; 08-18-2010 at 01:20 AM.
roxxie rocket,
Thank you! Emotionally, I am doing better. I am having a flare-up with my illness, so physically I'm a little down. That may have been part of my problem the other day, going into a flare can cause me some emotional upset!
You're right about the scale, I weighed in on Sunday and had lost 2... I've lost another 1 since then, but that may be partly because I have some nausea and I'm probably not getting enough calories. I'm still trying to get on the Gazelle every day, if only for a little bit.
It helps so incredibly much to know that people on here care!
Thanks again!!
staying strong when things are bad?
I am glad you are feeling better 
I'm sorry this is happening to you 
