Okay, so while my daughters are spending most of the summer with my ex-husband, I have been staying with the bf quite a bit. I went grocery shopping, got all of my "must-haves" to stay on track, and even got some of the stuff he likes that I can manage to stay away from. I came home the other evening and he'd been to the store. I look in the cabinet and see a HUGE bag of peanut butter M&Ms, which he KNOWS are one of my biggest weaknesses. Wait --- that's not the worst part!! I was eating my last snack of the evening, half a bag of 100 cal popcorn, and he steps in front of me with a handful of the M&Ms TAUNTING me with them!! He even put one in front of my face and said, "come on, eat it!!" I don't think he understands that I constantly battle with my food addictions and it was not the least bit funny for him to make such a joke out of my commitment to staying healthy. Have any of you out there had to deal with a similar situation - a lack of support from friends or family in your quest for a healthier lifestyle?
I feel for ya. That sounds just awful. It wouldn't surprise me if he really didn't realize just what he was doing and how hard it is for you to resist. He may take the matter much more lightly.
I hope you can tell him and explain clearly that he can eat all the crap he wants but he needs to get out of your face with the sweet stuff and keep it out of the house. If that's something he just can't do, then I think there's a bigger discussion there.
Hang in. And good for you for not caving to the M&Ms.
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Last edited by chickiegirl : 08-07-2010 at 09:54 AM.
Some people are just so insensitive! I find that the naturally skinny people in my family tend to be worse about it. Just hold your head up high and tell him how it feels to you when he taunts with food. Any loving, caring person should understand. Good Luck!
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My husband does that too. And he's probably worse. He doesn't do it all the time. There are times when he knows I've been really on track all week and he just wants me to "treat" myself.
He'll be making a bowl of icecream for everyone and I'll say I don't want one. Of course, he'll make it anyway and put it on the couch next to me.... I don't need to explain to you what happens next lol.
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He'll be making a bowl of icecream for everyone and I'll say I don't want one.
Good for you!! Good decision, good follow through
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Originally Posted by BrittanieYork
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Of course, he'll make it anyway and put it on the couch next to me
This is extremely disrepectful. If you eat it though, you're just reinforcing that "no" means "yes".
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Originally Posted by BrittanieYork
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I don't need to explain to you what happens next lol.
I hope that means you get up, put the ice cream back in the container, rinse out your bowl - all quietly and without comment. If asked, "I didn't want any right now."
S'pose I hafta side with the people that say how terribly disrespectful that is. Though I will say that sometimes I am guilty of not letting people know how I feel about something that they think is "just fun and games." If you don't speak up, you are just a doormat.
Please, let him know that it's just not funny. Also, it seems like spending so much time there is optional. Choose YOU and do what you need to do for YOUR health. You will be a better Mom, a better girlfriend, and a better woman!
He doesn't respect or support you, he wants you to stay on the tubby side because he is frightened of you finding someone else when you are slim and trim. If he can't support you in this, just imagine if there was a big problem in your life like serious illness. He'd be off like a shot. You deserve better
Stay Strong! Do not let him get away with such disrespect. The next time he taunts you with M&M's take what he offers you and go directly to the garbage disposal and get rid of them. You must let him know that you are serious about improving your health.
It's not that uncommon for men to feel threatened by "their woman" becoming more attractive. I broke up with a guy after about 6 months, partly because even after telling him numerous times there were certain foods I needed to stay away from, he was constantly wanting to get them, pizza, fudge, etc. It seemed like a control issue more than a food issue, and there is no fixing control issues. Best of luck to you!
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Starts and stops of being on plan since January 2011. Back on plan May 2011.
April 2012, no progess unless you count gaining and losing the same 20 or so pounds, trying again!
“Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.”
- Marilyn Vos Savant
"Why do you do that for? I really struggle with my self control, so when you do that and I give in, I really hate myself afterward. Why do you do that for?"
As a rule, I think "sabotage" is an overused term, because I don't think most people are intentionally or even subconsciously trying to prevent your weight loss. They're usually just unaware or not focused on your goals.
But this is a case where the word does seem to apply. Taunting you and putting food up to your mouth to get you to eat it, crosses a line in my book. It isn't cute or funny. It's not "normal" either.
I'm not saying he's a horrible person, but he's crossing some boundaries that I think warrant direct confrontation. You've got to make it clear that such behavior isn't acceptable to you, and if he still won't respect those boundaries, I'd recommend counseling. This seems like it could be a power/control issue.
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Want to know what I'm doing to keep from snacking?
I've never had anyone put it to my mouth, but I have had people continue to offer it even after repeated no's. I think it is because they feel guilty themselves, especially as they watch you losing the weight and they aren't doing anything to help themselves.
I agree with ewimsatt. No real man would ever do that to you. My DH has jumped right on board with my diet, especially since we have a son and don't want him growing up with my issues.
I say continue your journey with someone who will love and respect all you do.
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Unsupportive friends/family
That sounds just awful. It wouldn't surprise me if he really didn't realize just what he was doing and how hard it is for you to resist. He may take the matter much more lightly.
BL Challenge!!!!
