[milliondollarbbw]

So, I have been a bit down lately, and I feel in a sort of a funk about my age, about my weight, and how many years I have wasted being morbidly obese and dreaming I was thinner. I also feel a bit despondent in that I worry that even if i lose this weight, I may be older and how desirable will I be on the whole marriage market?

I am sure this is just hormones talking, but, well, I am feeling a bit sad. I have ideas of how I want to look when I am thinner, and the clothes I want to be able to wear (they don't make them in my size, and/or I cannot afford them, and/or I think I would look silly trying to pull of that outfit at my current weight), and for many years I felt it would make me more desirable to the opposite sex (just had too many "talks" about how much the guy liked me, but if only I weren't so overweight---sigh, I know, some of them were jerks). But now I feel like I just wasted a lot of my youth thinking about when I would be thinner.

For those who have been overweight since childhood, how are you dealing with it now?

On a more personal note, did you see any changes in your dating life?

I feel like I am a good person and definitely wifey material as some would say, but I get very little male attention. I am working on putting more effort into how I look and smiling more often as a way of boosting the positive vibes I am sending out to others.

[Mollz]

Originally Posted by milliondollarbbw

...snip...
For those who have been overweight since childhood, how are you dealing with it now?

On a more personal note, did you see any changes in your dating life?

I feel like I am a good person and definitely wifey material as some would say, but I get very little male attention. I am working on putting more effort into how I look and smiling more often as a way of boosting the positive vibes I am sending out to others.

I was fortunate enough to find a man who was blind to my being overweight. In all honesty, DH and I met online first and chatted for 2 years before we met even though we sent each other photos. With all of our "defects", we're a happy couple. Having said that though, I was never interested in dating (I was asexual, hid behind my friends and felt more comfortable chatting with men than chatting them up) when I was younger, though I did go on a few dates in university.

It's not about putting the effort into how you look (that's part of it), but about the confidence that you exude. You say:

I also feel a bit despondent in that I worry that even if i lose this weight, I may be older and how desirable will I be on the whole marriage market?

Drop that like it's HOT! Stop worrying. There is no reason to worry at all. Worry creates anxiety and anxiety creates mental blocks and obstacles into getting what we want. I reckon 90% of the worrying we do is pointless. How is worrying about what you look like "now" and what you will look like "after" going to get you a man? Anxiety is unbecoming, it's not sexy, it's not attractive and speaking from experience, men find it very difficult to understand and like a woman who constantly disrespects herself (because if you can't respect yourself, who can you respect?).

I know you can handle what I'm about to say because I sense that you're a strong woman.

What I'm seeing here is a woman who is trying to get out of a hole, but doesn't have the motivation (I don't, I can't, I worry, I look silly, I wasted; your words, not mine). Maybe you do have the motivation, but want to rant. That's fine. But realise that ranting only puts your problems out there, it won't help you solve them. All of us here have some kind of confidence issues- whether we look good naked, whether DH our partner still loves us post-pregnancy body, whether we have a fashion sense or look like asexualised beings because we've got to dress to cover our bellies, thighs, etc. To stay attractive or to be attractive, confidence is one of the first things men look at in a woman. You know what "they" say": fake it till you make it.

If you have ideas of how you want to look when you are thinner (not IF you get there, but WHEN you get there), find pictures of them in magazines and put them on a "desire board" (a corkboard wishlist of things you want in your life). I'm creating one this week, complete with pictures of my perfect body, my perfect house, etc. You need to be able to visualise what you want and act accordingly.

[Caro0811]

I'm glad that you decided to post the feelings you're having. I hope that we can help you get where you need to be.

Originally Posted by Mollz

There is no reason to worry at all. Worry creates anxiety and anxiety creates mental blocks and obstacles into getting what we want. I reckon 90% of the worrying we do is pointless. How is worrying about what you look like "now" and what you will look like "after" going to get you a man?

I completely agree with Mollz. I understand and am very familiar with these thoughts but nothing will change until your thoughts change. You have to push them aside and picture yourself already attaining your goal. Don't dwell on the past and make the most of what you have right now. You will be able to look the way you want!

[milliondollarbbw]

Thank you two both for your words of encouragement and support.

You were right, I was ranting in a way, and ranting does get things out, but it doesn't make a positive change.

When I re-read what I wrote, I feel kind of silly. I KNOW I felt so much better physically 68lbs ago, and I KNOW, that I had more male attention at that weight. So, why am I worrying about those things when I should be focusing on taking it one day at a time and just making PROGRESS!

I have the tools, the willpower, and the means. I just need to get off of that whole despondant trip. I think that my hormones are in a tizzy because I noticed I have been up and down lately, and well, that just means that good old Aunt Flo is trying to stop by for a visit. Even though I don't answer when she knocks, she still manages to pop in for a visit.

Thank you everybody for helping me. I really appreciate your words of encouragement. ((hugs))

[Staci816]

I know I'm a little late on posing this, but I just wanted to let you know that I can relate, too! One of the constants in my life has been that voice inside of my head telling me that everything will be better once I lose the weight. P.S. I remember feeling that way in high school and I now look back at those pictures and think about how silly I was to think I was too big!

I too haven't found Mr. Right yet, and go back and forth as to whether I even want to try meeting and dating someone before I really focus on working on myself first. I've decided that I need to love me before I expect someone else to want to be in a relationship with me.

Focus on making yourself happier and healthier and I assure you...the love will come! Good luck!!!