Had to Vent, Put up or Shut up...

[WVU Jenn]

So its been a pretty devastating couple of days for me....right now I am home with a really bad cold that is messing with my asthma, so taking my breathing treatments....still tracking my points on the daily plate, and thankfully my friend brought me some home made beef veg barley soup, so that hit the spot.

BUT my vent is about a recent X-friend.....I happened to discover an email she had wrote, ABOUT me (not to me).......it was hideous.....we have always been very different, she shops for clothes about every day, has brand name purses and eats out almost every day....Im a more homebody, love to cook, and my shopping for clothes is on an as needed basis at Kmart, Target if Im feeling spunky, LOL

ANYWHO.....in the email she talked about how if I was so upset with my weight that I should "put up or shut up" .....that people should spend less time "wanting to be other people" and work at being better.....and that she tried to get me to walk with her on numerous occasions and i always had an excuse (which would mainly be embarassment, asthma, or sickness)....now I approached her with the issue of, "so you really think Im this lazy overweight chick who wont do anything about her current weight" and she just replies matter of factly, "well, yes".....to which I replied "well for future reference when you have a friend you think has problems you need to tell her that"..she said she was sorry that she didnt come to me but sh*t happens essentially and if I needed to talk she was there..and I said I no longer wished to have contact with her b/c she hurt me deeply.

Now while I feel utterly hurt and betrayed, I am even more determined to meet my goals to show people that I can do it, that I am a better person than that, and have better people around me to help me (like the person that made me the soup) than a girl that would talk behind my back about my faults. Oh and BTW while the bad friend was talking about my 'put up or shut up' problems, I have been actively choosing better foods, tracking calories on daily plate, and working on getting exercise in with my DH and my dog, but didnt tell other people that for fear of failure....

So I just wanted to get that out, and say that I am in this for the long haul, and NOTHING is going to keep my from my goal, not sickness, hurt, stress, NOTHING. AND anyone here that needs an ear or a shoulder to cry on, or that has something to add or advice or an opinion to give, I AM HERE WITH OPEN ARMS AND OPEN EARS. Thanks for listening.

[GeorgiaLady]

Do it for YOU...not anybody else...You don't have to impress anyone. A real friend will care about you no matter what and they won't talk behind your back. You've got lots of friends and lots of support here!!!

[Thighs Be Gone]

You know why she writes about your problems? It keeps her from facing her own. This is all about you. It's personal, it's private and you don't owe her anything.

[beerab]

Screw her- good for you to be working hard as you are. And I agree- she'll see in the end when you look great. She just doesn't understand cuz she's one of the "lucky" ones who gets to eat out daily and not get fat.

I'd rather be a nice morbidly obese person than a skinny b*tch anyday.

Good for you for cutting off the "friendship" no friend talks like that anyways.

[daydreamer]

Sorry to hear you're under the weather. My kids are all sick, but my almost 7 year old has asthma, so I understand how bad a simple cold can be for you.

As for the ex-friend..... karma will catch up with her at some point. Lose the weight and change your life for YOU, not to prove anything to anyone. YOU are the only one that matters in this.

[Tina30]

I agree with all the other gals...do this for yourself! Life is way to short to have people around who make you feel bad, cut her out of your life and focus on you! I have a child who has breathing problems along with many family members and working out is very hard when it feel like a 15 ton block is on your chest. Keep going though girl...don't let her rudeness take up on more second of your time

[Thighs Be Gone]

Originally Posted by beerab

I'd rather be a nice morbidly obese person than a skinny b*tch anyday.

Good for you for cutting off the "friendship" no friend talks like that anyways.

Yes, YES, and a resounding YES!

[Lori Bell]

I've had "friends" like that. Funnily they are also the first to trash talk about you when you do lose weight and look fab. Then they decide it's only from disordered eating or pills or something. So not worth it. Best to cut ties and move onto healthy relationships. (They are hard to find!)

[rileyozzy]

I agree with Thighs be gone...she must have some sort of issue if she is focused on your problems. Usually people who talk/gossip about others have some real problems that they are not addressing.

[kaebea]

Hi Jenn,
i know you've been making changes from reading your posts, so i'm almost just as shocked as you at reading your xfriends email! what does she know???

bottom line is we don't know what it's like to be someone else. What comes easy for one person may not for another and we all have our own obstacles. We can only make changes when we are ready, no matter what someone else thinks we should do.

I love it when someone else thinks they know how to solve all our problems.
:P

[WVU Jenn]

I just want to say I LOVE YOU GALS!
And that's not just the cold medicine talkin'! Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement and letting me vent, its like having a roomful of best friends to share with!

[SamanthaJubilee]

Jealousy is a disease!!!! I deal with it daily.

The one thing I try to keep in mind is that I can't change anyone else, I can only change myself and how I look at life. I am slowly weeding out all the **** talkers & stupid drama queens & adding in great people.

Don't let what she said put you down. Use that anger in a positive way & focus on your efforts!

I'm happy you were able to confront her & get that out in the open.

[meredithann]

Jenn,
I totally agree that no "friend" would say that about you and be a friend...Doing what you are doing is HARD, and you need support, not b**chiness! But isn't it funny how anger is a motivator?? I could see myself getting so mad that I would lose weight just to spite her!

I think you are doing a great job! Keep up the good work, and I really hope you are feeling better soon...I know how athsma works with the change of seasons, at least for my son. If the weather is changing, then he is hacking and wheezing!

[looloo86]

just one word
B**CH

[kaplods]

I wouldn't even give a second thought to trying to prove anything to her or people like her in your life. I know you want to rub her face in it, but the fact is someone that shallow and self-centered is not going to "get the point." She's likely going to be completely unimpressed or somehow think that her nasty email inspired you to "finally do something," and feel that she is due partial credit for your success.

Forget that kind of negativity in your life as soon as you can. It says nothing about you, and everything about them. People who are truly working on their own issues generally don't waste their time griping about someone elses. Life is not an exam, and there aren't time limits of success.

I know that "I'll show them," can be a powerful motivator, but it also is a stressful one, because it often stirs up the negative emotions that inspired it. In a sense to keep the motivation, you've got to stir up the negative feelings that inspired it - remembering the pain of that letter and how much you were hurt by it. You don't need that in your life.

You can do this, and how long it takes doesn't matter. Find your own pace, the one that is best for you, and don't let anyone slow or quicken that pace. You deserve to do this at the pace that is healthiest for you physically and mentally (and the heck with anyone who says otherwise).