3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community  

Go Back   3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community > Support Forum > Support Groups > 30-Somethings

husband is clueless

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 07-15-2008, 02:26 PM   #1
Member
 
50lbs2go's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: northern cali
Posts: 95

S/C/G: h206/s190/ticker/g145

Height: 5'5

Angry husband is clueless

ok, I've been really good in working out every day and eating fairly healthy, occassional dark chocolate, and this morning i wake up and my husband brought home a large box of junk food. they have choc. doughnuts , gold fish crackers, soft choc. chip cookies, a large bag of chips and a few other goodies. i think he is sabotaging all my hard work. are there other people in your lives that try to sabotage your progress?
__________________
September goal


starting date: july 7th 185 lbs
50lbs2go is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-15-2008, 02:29 PM   #2
Waiting on a hot body
 
MalibuBeachBound's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Virginia
Posts: 135

S/C/G: 165/153/135

Height: 5'7"

Default

I'd wager that him being a man, which leads to cluelessness is the issue, not him trying to sabotage your progress

Men just don't get it. Something we daughters and wives have to deal with.
MalibuBeachBound is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-15-2008, 02:37 PM   #3
fergi
 
fergi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: friendswood, texas
Posts: 110

S/C/G: 197.5/188.8/160

Height: 5'6

Default

That is exactly why my husband is not allowed to go to the grocery store with me anymore. They don't get it. And what is funny about the whole thing is some of them could shed a few pounds as well.

fergi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-15-2008, 02:41 PM   #4
Member
 
50lbs2go's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: northern cali
Posts: 95

S/C/G: h206/s190/ticker/g145

Height: 5'5

Default

that's the thing. he complains about needing to lose weight, yet he brings home this junk and says it's for the kids. i don't want it in the house because i will eat it. i have no will power, if i did i wouldn't be fat
__________________
September goal


starting date: july 7th 185 lbs
50lbs2go is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-15-2008, 02:43 PM   #5
ONEderland here I come!
 
ladybugnessa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: maryland
Posts: 2,967

S/C/G: 286/210/200 (next goal)

Height: 5'2.75"

Default

oh no, i'll wager he GETS it. I will also wager that on a subconscious level it was deliberate.

he's afraid of your weight loss. most husbands are. mine was afraid if i got thin i'd leave him.
__________________
Nessa
--
on the beach since May 1, 2006
added Points August, 2008
Having RNY September 22, 2009
ladybugnessa is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-15-2008, 02:45 PM   #6
Waiting on a hot body
 
MalibuBeachBound's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Virginia
Posts: 135

S/C/G: 165/153/135

Height: 5'7"

Default

It seems that though many men would like to lose weight, the priority isn't as strong as for an overweight woman. Men aren't expected to be as thin as women and men it seems are generally happier about their appearance overall.

I can tell you for one that my husband brings home junk food the few times he goes to the grocery store, yet he pushes me to lose weight and says he wants to lose too. Men aren't generally as vindictive as women in mind.

I only know that from having a brother and many male friends.

Last edited by MalibuBeachBound : 07-15-2008 at 02:48 PM.
MalibuBeachBound is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-15-2008, 02:53 PM   #7
KLK
Karen: La Cicciona
 
KLK's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NYC
Posts: 745

S/C/G: Sz 24-26 / Sz 12-14 / Sz 6-8

Height: 5' 4"

Default

LOL! Omg my fiance is the same way. He complains about the weight he's put on, but then he will wake up and have like 16 oz. of chocolate milk for breakfast followed by 16 oz of orange juice. Luckily he's not a snacker, so he doesn't bring home cookies and such, but still -- he complains and complains ab wanting to lose weight and then consumes this kind of stuff.

I don't think your husband is trying to sabotage you -- he's just, you know, clueless. No matter how many times I tell my fiance I'm off pasta and bread, guess what he offers me... PASTA AND BREAD! It's cluelessness.


Quote:
Originally Posted by 50lbs2go View Post
that's the thing. he complains about needing to lose weight, yet he brings home this junk and says it's for the kids. i don't want it in the house because i will eat it. i have no will power, if i did i wouldn't be fat
__________________
DECEMBER EXERCISE CHALLENGE: 267 / 1300 Mins.
KLK is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-15-2008, 02:54 PM   #8
Larry's Angel
 
JerseyGyrl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: NW New Jersey But, My Heart's In Pittsburgh!! GO STEELERS & PENGUINS!!!
Posts: 3,043

S/C/G: 245/143/145

Default

I have to say my DBF has been 100% supportive of my weightloss from day 1. In fact, he's recently lost 35 lbs himself and I couldn't be prouder
__________________
Start Each Day With A Grateful Heart






Still Going Strong On Atkins Since April 13, 2004


Before & After Pics: http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a2.../Kimatlake.jpg
http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a2...1/IMG_0403.jpg
JerseyGyrl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-15-2008, 03:00 PM   #9
KLK
Karen: La Cicciona
 
KLK's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NYC
Posts: 745

S/C/G: Sz 24-26 / Sz 12-14 / Sz 6-8

Height: 5' 4"

Default

Yup -- my fiance has gained liek 15 - 20 lbs since coming to the US. He's far from FAT, but he'd like to lose that weight. But at the same time, he isn't willing to WORK to get the weight off, and he's pretty pleased with how he looks -- after he eats a lot and his stomach is all inflated with food, he jokes about how big it looks, etc.

The weird thing is that for him, actually, women are kind of supposed to be HEAVIER than men. To him, men need to be physically fit, but if a woman is overweight or chubby, it's fine. Granted, he wasn't raised in the US so that's probably why he thinks that way, but I think it's interesting and actually, if you look back at art and photography (and p*rnography) from the early 20th and late 19th centuries, that's kind of how it was -- a thin/fit/slender man and a curvy woman, not the other way around. The fact that women naturally have more fat deposits than men and the fact that men build muscle and lose fat faster than women kind of reaffirms this idea, imo.

Edit: Granted, both men and women should strive to be physically fit for their bodies and physiology, I was just saying that the idea of "skinny wife, fat husband" is pretty new and that that idea is NOT universal. And I happen to think a lot of women push themselves into unnatural thinness.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MalibuBeachBound View Post
It seems that though many men would like to lose weight, the priority isn't as strong as for an overweight woman. Men aren't expected to be as thin as women and men it seems are generally happier about their appearance overall.
__________________
DECEMBER EXERCISE CHALLENGE: 267 / 1300 Mins.

Last edited by KLK : 07-15-2008 at 03:03 PM.
KLK is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-15-2008, 03:22 PM   #10
Senior Member
 
yoyonomoreinvegas's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Fabulous Las Vegas
Posts: 981

Height: 5' 8"

Default

My DH used to be like that - all I had to do was say "gee, I should lose some weight" and the next day he'd bring home pizza for dinner *so I wouldn't have to cook*. And he'd say things like "you can eat these cookies. All you have to do is go on the treadmill" Grrrrrr. Of course, I'd eat the cookies then he'd want me to "watch this good movie" with him so the treadmill gathered dust.

I'm not exactly sure what finally clicked for him. I like to joke that it dawned on him that if I didn't get my health in check he'd be left without me someday and never, ever find his wallet, glasses, cell phone, or keys again but it might have been the day he pulled out our wedding pictures (after many years in a box) and blurted out "What the **** happened" (my wedding dress was a size 8 - a 17 years ago size 8 - I had a 24" waist). He took one look at my face and tried to cover it up by saying he meant he used to have hair and it wasn't grey but....... I think that look on my face must have finally driven home for him how much it hurt me to be fat.

Since then, he's been the perfect cheerleader and is even starting to read labels when we go to the grocery store. Now he says things like "look honey, no HFCs. Can you eat this" Think I might keep him.
__________________


Dieting is hard. Maintenance is hard. Being fat is hard. Pick your hard.
yoyonomoreinvegas is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-15-2008, 03:34 PM   #11
LBH
Senior Member
 
LBH's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 1999
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 5,830

S/C/G: 279.8/276.9/170

Height: 5'10"

Default

I'm more inclined to think he's clueless! My DH brings home stuff from the store that shouldn't be in the house. He's a great cheerleader to me, and he needs to lose a good 50 lbs. also, but I think he just doesn't think sometimes! That's why I go grocery shopping...by myself...on a Sunday night, usually.
LBH is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-15-2008, 03:53 PM   #12
Here I go again
 
BoopRN's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 373

S/C/G: 201/see ticker/135

Height: 5'6

Default

I have found out that I have some will power, my fiance puts me to the test (not on purpose of course). Granted he is very supportive and by no means does he intentionally sabotage my diet. On occasion he'll have some junk food since he is not on a diet. When he does eat all the forbidden stuff like : ice cream, cookies, etc. It does take a lot out of me to stay away from it since I have a sweet tooth. However, if I manage to stay away, there are some instances where I just must have a taste, and that's all I allow myself. Eating right is a life style that you just have to adapt to. We will all have to be around food that we will have to have in moderation. Whether its at work,home, eating out, we will always have to be on the lookout if we want to keep the weight off.
__________________
Short Term Goal -Half way mark !

Ultimate
BoopRN is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-15-2008, 04:09 PM   #13
Senior Member
 
yoyoma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,766

S/C/G: 180/ticker/139

Height: 5'6.5"

Default

My guess is that he isn't trying to sabotage your diet, but he is (probably subconsciously) buying the junk "for the kids" so that he can eat it. I've caught myself doing that at times. I've even caught myself serving my daughter extra large portions of ice cream so that there would be some leftover for me (now the dog gets it). For snacks, I only buy the individually packaged snack servings and I keep those off plan items on a special shelf and I've not had any problem recently.
__________________
Deborah: Hoping to earn the user name NoYoyoMa (maintenance start: 6/30/2014)



Last edited by yoyoma : 07-15-2008 at 04:10 PM.
yoyoma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-16-2008, 09:32 PM   #14
Senior Member
 
SunshineCA's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Sunny Southern California
Posts: 5,184

Default

Sounds like sabotage for sure!!

My DH tried to sabotage me many times. I was able to ignore him but fell into his trap for a few weeks. He tried to deny it but there were many signs to prove what he was trying to do. Fortunately, I woke up after a week-long family reunion in Louisiana.

I am happy to say that I'm back on track and back on the road of successful weight loss. I decided that he or no one else is going to deter me from my goals. As far as I know he hasn't tried anything since but believe me, I'm always watchful.

Good luck as you embark on your weight loss journey.
SunshineCA is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2008, 07:58 AM   #15
I'm With The Band!
 
hotfoot's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: remote town in the Pilbara, WA
Posts: 20

S/C/G: 281.5/264/180

Height: 5'7"/173cm

Default

Hmm. hard to say. Some husbands are really uncomfortable with their wives losing weight simply because they have their own self issues.
Other husbands just don't think, period.
Some think, but just don't know anything about what their thinking about.

For example: when my husband I first got together, I was following Weight watchers, for the umpteenth time. He couldn't get his head around the points thing. He would come home with things like Big M lite--(chocolate milk similar to Quik for the non-Aussies here.)
Now, his intentions were good--because it was "lite" he thought he was doing a grand thing bringing me a treat. But he just couldn't understand that just because it said "lite", it didn't mean that it didn't have a gazillion points in it. We would argue over this all the time, and eventually I caved and gave up WW, for the umpteenth-eth time.

And then there would be the times that I'd lose a good size chunk of weight for the week, and his idea of celebrating would be a huge family size pizza with the lot (everything under the sun) on it--not going to see a movie sans popcorn, or me going shopping for something new. Rewards in this house seem to revolve around food! He would say that I should be able to eat some without it doing any harm--I would just have to be extra careful the days afterward. Everyone knows that on Weight Watchers they don't promote "credit" with points.
I think he truly believed that it would make no difference, and that because I'd lost like 3-4 pounds the previous week that I was on a roll and the fat would just fly off--I WISH. But he is the type that doesn't put on weight easy, and when he does it comes off super fast, which I personally think should be grounds for divorce but the courts don't agree! j/j

But sometimes I think husbands can be trying to sabotage you, but not be aware of it. Like a subconscious effort. Maybe he's used to you being the way you are personality wise but with a weight problem, and he thinks if you lose the weight that YOU will change in personality too. it's a very complicated psychology when weight and confidence/esteem issues are involved.

Perhaps try talking to him in a non-agressive way, or have your GP or dietician speak to him. What could it hurt?

Good luck!
hotfoot is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply
Posts by members, moderators and admins are not considered medical advice
and no guarantee is made against accuracy.


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:02 AM.






Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2015, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.3.2