30-Something's: Let's discuss our kids!

[hmwrknmom2]

Joan- Thank you! She is a mess!! Her daddy says he will be the one "beating them off" LOL. He can't stand the thoughts of any man in her life but him! She has a crush on one of Tristen's friends, I think it's too cute but it drives him insane. I have to remind him- I was someone's daughter too.

michelin- I remember being 15. Of course 15 when I was young is like 25 now, they grow up so fast. I would definatly look into "home" dates or group dates. What part of Tn are you from? I am about 45-50 miles south of Chattanooga in Rome Ga. I wonder if it's a "southern thing" cause we have a LARGE bisexual group at one of our local high schools.

Jen- your kiddies are too cute!! I love Katy's red hair!!!

[michelinwoman]

LBH & IrishJoan: Thanks for the advice. We tried a similar arrangement. This is really funny, but we tried group dating with my husband and I as the group ! The boy was 17 but very immature for his age (thank God). He was allowed to come over to our house while we were home or go out with us as a family. I called it double dating (it was pretty funny actually--my daughter hated it). He put up with it for awhile but I think they ended up breaking up over the strict rules. I told her that if he "really" is interested, he can put up with the parents being around for a year or so. Here is my baby's pic.

[KarenK]

OMGoodness!! what am I in for? Whew. I'm happy to be worried about teething and sleeping in her crib!! I am so not ready for dating. Especially at 14.

[IrishJoan]

I hear 'ya KarenK!! That is exactly what I was thinking as I was reading the posts. The gal that cuts my hair has teenagers and she tells some stories that scare the heck out of me! Whew... Suddenly, my concerns seem trivial. I love having this thread!

[LBH]

Mich...She's gorgeous!! She's only 14?! Thank you Lord for my boys...I agree though, if he liked her that much, he would've stuck around and proved his worthiness!

[michelinwoman]

Thanks for the compliment and sympathy . We are going horseback riding today near Nashville for a short weekend! Talk to you guys Monday!

[RoadRunner]

Michelin--I have a 15 y/o step daughter and she started "dating" at 14...The boys parents would pick her up and drop them off at a restaurant or movie and they would be picked up again..Of course, the boy was 15 also....She broke up with him because he criticized her weight all the time(size 3) and told her he hated her "love handles" she finally told me it wasnt worth it..Now, life is different, boyfriend is 16 with a car...My DH is really tooooo lenient with that scene and we fight all the time..He will bring her home from school(of course we are not home) and I just dont like the idea of boy/girl alone in this house...IT can be 7pm and I ask him, where is she?? I guess she rode home from school with him and they must be shopping or something..It is very hard as a step parent..We have different values I guess....I just become the mean b$$ch when I ask questions....He feels sorry for her cuz of her losing her mom soo early and makes it up to her by being a softie..She is a 4.5 GPA and active in Sports etc but I think you need to be in control of your children...
Good luck!!!
RR

[hmwrknmom2]

I have a few more pictures to share. My sister and I took our kids to Berry last weekend to have pics made to give my mom for Mother's Day. Here are a few of them. The older three are my sister's kids Blake-16, Brandon-13, and Brooke-11 the younger 2 are mine- Tristen-9 Kailey Grace-4

All the kids (this is the one we blew up for my mom)


Brooke and Kailey Grace


Tristen and Kailey Grace


All of them again (Kailey Grace was trying her hardest to be as "tall" as them-LOL)

[LBH]

What a great pic Michelle! We've done that a few times for my grandparents, gotten a pic of all of us, from their kids (my mom and her siblings), to the great-grandkids! DH even photoshopped in one of the great-grandkids that couldn't be there!

[luvmyfam]

Originally Posted by michelinwoman

Michelle: My daughter is in 9th grade and has been homeschooled for the past 3 years. She really wants to go back to public school next year. She has had to deal with sexual talk since about 3rd grade....not only from boys, but girls also. I guess the "cool" thing is to say you are bisexual now so all the girls hit on each other and make up stories that straight girls are gay. It is really a mess. I blame the behavior on bad parenting.

We homeschool, too!!! With today's world, I am so afraid of putting our kids in school. They will NOT go to public school if and when we do put them in. It'll be Catholic school for our children, and if we can't afford that or there isn't an option for one where we live, then we'll be homeschooling. I know Catholic and other religious schools are not always perfect, but at least moral instruction and standards are expected and accepted.

It's such a screwed up world. I was publicly-schooled until college, which was a Catholic college. In high school I was able to find some nice friends who shared my morals, even if we were of different denominations. Even though there were plenty of kids who had different backgrounds & views than I did, it didn't feel as crazy as what kids have to go through today.

In college of course there were those who were into the parties and such and those who weren't, but it was a strong faith community and support.

I think there was always a lot of garbage to put up with in schools, but I think it's gotten worse, largely because everyone is afraid to morally guide children because of fears of imposing one's views on someone whose parents have different views/beliefs.

I heard of a situation with a public school where 6th graders were having sex on a bus while other kids were watching. It's INSANE and it's not something I'm willing to put my kids through. It's not about hiding them from the world. It's about guiding them so they can be decent people living in this crazy world of ours.

The more horror stories I hear about schools, the more I want us to be the ones to guide our kids as long as we can.

JET

[luvmyfam]

Originally Posted by LBH

LOL, Michelle, that's why I started this thread with:



JET, Welcome! Sorry, I'm laughing at Maria's "artwork"! We don't have anything buy washable markers here! I know my boys too well!!

Thanks! Thank goodness the marker was at least mostly washable, but it was flat paint and there seem to be some faded lines left. I need to remember what might work out. I already tried a Magic Eraser--nope. Maria has already decorated our hallway walls time & again. I think we're just going to be repainting places here whenever we leave (we're renters--oh, joy). I've learned that WD-40 takes off even non-washable crayons. Rubbing alcohol works on pen pretty well. Goo Gone helps with some things.

Such fun, lol

JET

[luvmyfam]

[quote=IrishJoan;1671432]
luvmyfam ~ I can't help but giggle. I don't know how I've gotten away with no "artwork" drawn on our wall. I have three kids and they paint and color constantly but only on paper. However, you should see our table!

[quote]

Joan,

I WISH Maria would just stick to paper. but the walls are white, and I guess a much bigger, better canvas!! I told my husband we should just put up butcher paper on all the walls. He didn't like the idea because he felt it would encourage her. Maybe, but at least the walls would be protected!!

JET

[luvmyfam]

Originally Posted by michelinwoman

I have a 14-year-old daughter, only child. She is currently trying to talk me into letting her date in a couple months at 15. The only problem...the guys she is interested in are 16-17...we've all been there huh? I guess I will end up giving in since she is the only 14-year-old that isn't allowed to date that she knows

Sometimes I think a boy would have been easier!

You can stick to your guns. I read a few suggestions about group dating or in-home dates, and I think they're good ideas.

I had my first "boyfriend" at age 14. My first kiss, too. We were never on a DATE-date together. We even went to different schools, but our families were friends. The only time we saw each other was church and when our families got together. It was very safe, though it didn't stop him from trying to "cop a feel" sometimes. Thank goodness that relationship only lasted 1-1/2 mos. It was already enough time that spiteful people who didn't like me ('cause I really was a "good girl") made up horrible rumors that were NOT TRUE.

My parents' standard was only group and in-home "dates" until we were well into driver's ed and could drive. Their preference was for us to wait until we had our licenses. The whole reasoning was that if we got into a bad situation on a date, we could shove the guy out of the car and drive off somewhere to at least make a call.

The other thing is that my parents always welcomed ALL our friends (even the boyfriends or romantic prospects) into our home. They felt that if we were doing wholesome, fun things with the family, a lot could be avoided, and they were right.

My in-laws, on the other hand, never seem to want ANY of their kids to date or have boyfriends/girlfriends until finishing with college...Even after. Dh has a sister one year younger than me who has seriously had to push and go against the parents' wishes and bring her on-again boyfriend to visit (She's 32, a college graduate, who has held down very good jobs). Seriously. I met my dh my freshman year in college, and we've been together since November '92. We had one month long break-up my sophomore year. But all that time his dad was really rotten about me. As a result, I was only in their home twice before we were married in '95.

Almost all the kids in their house have gone through sneaking out in the middle of the night to see boyfriends/girlfriends. That NEVER happened in our house...because our dates were welcome in!! I totally disagree with my in-laws' approach. They spend so much time worrying about their kids dating, that they haven't a clue the major trouble a couple of their sons have gotten into while hanging out with their GUY friends (no alternative lifestyle stuff or anything...just TROUBLE--underage drinking, drinking & driving, a couple friends involved with drugs who influenced dh's brothers, crazy adrenaline-rush stunts, etc). If it's a same-gender friendship it's harmless in my father-in-law's mind. It's like there is nothing worse for a person than to fall in love! It's ridiculous. That being said, I do get along with my in-laws. There are just some parenting things I totally disagree with them on.

I keep bringing up the dating thing with my husband because I want to make sure he does not decide to pull what his dad did. It sets things up for trouble, it really does. I'd like to stick with the standards my parents had. Only in-home/group dates at 13-14, preferably group dates older than that, and no driving, one on one dates until the kids are solid drivers and can take care of themselves in a bad situation.

Oh, and it's really no easier with a boy. You still worry about them making the right choices in life and being good guys who treat girls with respect. You worry about them getting hurt, about judgement (I think guys act before they think more than girls), etc. This parenting thing is tough!
JET

[michelinwoman]

Went horseback riding this weekend with the family and outlet mall shopping. We had a good time. My hubby also bought a classic car (which he has wanted for nearly 20 years!). So everyone is happy...and my scale went up to prove what a good weekend I had (let's just say Dunkin Doughnuts.....'nuff said?).

Luvmyfam: I guess it probably comes down to the child and the decisions he/she makes in the end (combined with direction from the parents). My mom was strict in some ways, but in others....OMG! My first kiss/boyfriend was when I was 14 (he was 19 and our minister's grandson...so she thought he was a "nice" boy). Is there any such thing as a "nice" boy when hormones kick in It ended about a week after it began when my underdeveloped self was dumped for a college girl I guess we are leaning toward public school next year since she is so miserable in a homeschool environment. I have fought it for 3 years, but she just hates it and wants to go to regular school. She calls herself a "homeschool freak". I tell her those "freaks" will rule the world someday and all the popular kids will be like "Welcome to Dollar General". I will probably end up driving her to the highest rated public school in the area, as the one in our area is not the best. I guess I need to accept the fact that her future is in HER hands...I can only give guidance.

Hmwrknmom2: Maybe the bisexual thing is a southern trend...I live near Knoxville. I think that lifestyle is promoted on TV...notice how the girls dance together. I always say that you can't just be a wh*** anymore, you have to be a wh*** with men and women. Wonder what is next? It is very unpopular with the boys to be bisexual, but all the boys seem to encourage it with the girls. I guess we haven't come so far after all huh?

Roadrunner: Unfortunately, the car drop-off date is complicated...she only wants to date boys over 16 and will not give anyone else a look. Sounds like I'm in for it huh?

[IrishJoan]

michelinwoman ~ yep, you're in for it;-). The girl is drop dead gorgeous! I love this thread as it helps prepare me for what is ahead... YIKES! Truthfully, it scares the #$%@&* out of me.

I do agree with you on saying that it all comes down to the individual child. Parents provide direction but there are no guarantees. Someone just told me about a book out about the influence siblings have on each other. It sounds like a really interesting read as it claims that you learn more from your siblings than anyone else in the world.

Regarding public school... I was *terrified* of sending my kids to public school. We were considering Catholic school but when my oldest son was diagnosed with Aspergers at age 6, we realized that the public school would have more help available for him. Thankfully, we live in an excellent school district but I was still skeptical. I grew up in a rural area and I thought all of the schools near the city were filled with big bad guys with switchblades. Needless to say, I was wrong;-). Fear of the unknown.... So, we started him in public school and have loved it from the start. I cannot say enough good things about the staff. We've stayed in our teeny, tiny little house for as long as possible just because of this school. We're moving this summer to a new house where we'll be able to walk to school each day. The school district that we're moving into is considered to be an even better one than we're currently in but that remains to be seen. Sorry this is so long-winded but my point is that DH and I looked at all of the possibilities and it all came down to what was best for DS. Each child is so very different. My two little girls are the type of children that would do fine in any school. DS is a whole different story. Putting him a Catholic school would have been horrible for him.
It's a hard decision to make...