omg, I was fighting running to the store and getting food all day. Later on I was wanting to run to the store to get some sugar free hard candy with xylitol--I'm so glad I didn't listen. I laid on the couch and watched movies. I can tell TOM is coming big time. I want to eat and eat and eat! Stupid hormones!
12 days binge-free and every day seems to be a constant struggle. That's to be expected I guess, but I'm shocked by the willpower I've been showing. I guess I'm proud because this may actually be the longest streak I can remember.
My TOM has been so heavy this month and lucky for me it started the 1st day that I started eating healthier and avoided binges! lol
I was craving something so sweet yesterday I was out and in a bad mood and was CONSTANTLY being tested. Went shopping with a friend and he tried to take me to mcdonalds to eat, but I refused to eat even though he ate a massive meal. I was sitting there feeling grateful that I had made my noodles earlier for lunch.
But the crunch came later; I work as a youth worker 2 days a week, and we are organising a play and when I got to the youth centre, my friend and colleague had come with a bag of the food I used to binge on ; 3 different types of chocolate, potato crisps, chocolate gateaux, cheesecake, sweets...... Everyone was eating it , and I just couldn't give in, so I ate my cherry lo-cal yoghurt and banana lol Everyone was giving me weird looks because they know I love my junk food but I explained that I can't eat like that anymore.
I'm happy to say that I have been binge free for 5 days.
Beth: it's going to be a struggle because we aren't used to it, and that's the saddest part, I'm so used to stuffing my face till I feel physically sick that it almost feels weird not to have that feeling! Just keep going because deep down the satisfaction that you haven't given in to your old ways is something you value and will appreciate!
Jen: good on you for resisting the temptation! i had this urge to go buy some sweets yesterday too when I was early for work, but instead I got off the bus a few stops early and walked there so that I had no time to waste in the shop looking for sweets.
I'm not doing at all well keeping to any sort of eating plan, so trying to go my own way hasn't worked I looked into the fat smash plan again and the first few lines put me off. "Diets didn't let you down, you let the diet down" now that just got my back up 100% it got me angry, upset and straight into a 3 day no holds barred binge. How dare that man presume that I'm a failure, then I thought yes he is right I am a failure, there's no hope for me, lets eat a bar of chocolate. I'm a complete waste of space why do I even bother to keep breathing. Putting people down so that they fight back to prove them wrong may work for some it has the opposite affect with me as you can tell. OK rant is now over.
Well, I am so frustrated right now. The scale is going up, my bb's are hurting like I'm retaining water, so I think I am. But usually I can tell TOM is coming with more vivid signs, PLUS I'm on meds that are supposed to make TOM not come.
Plus I was stressed out because we were planning a trip to the beach. I was so excited to go. I was afraid TOM would pop up so I was hoping the meds would work. but NOW i don't have to worry about that because SO said that his work would let him, but NOW he has specialized FIRE TRAINING, so we can't go. I want to go somewhere so badly, I'm thinking of borrowing a few camping supplies from a friend and making a reservation at the State Park for me and my son to go camping (I used to spend every summer for 6 years in the MOUNTAINS in New York) and God I miss it!...but since we watched this stupid movie. Wolf Creek--I'm like terrifed to go camping with just me and my son!
Nicki, I would turn my nose up at that too. survivor, good for you for resisting ALL that junk! wow! I'm proud of you. Sharing, you are doing awesome.
I had a crap night last night. I did go out the night before and had the planned cake...it was a mistake. It set me up for 1) regret 2) the scale went up and worst 3)cravings all night last night-which led to me eating when I wasn't hungry. Stayed on plan and in acceptable calorie range but it was misery and I was depressed and angry. Thank goodness the dh was not home. So, chickies, I have learned that I really need to stay OP and abstain from desserts and my other triggers.
Hi all,
Thought I would post again. Since I will be gone tomorrow. And I need to reinforce my plan.
Tomorrow is a mess. Leave at 4am for the airport, fly to Boston, arrive at 10:30. Hang out with the dd till 3:30. Deposit her at the boat and then head back to the airport. Leave Boston at 7:30. get home to the house at midnight. Whew.
This is my plan - because I cannot - will not - eat airport food. Protein shake in the morning and pack protein bars and bananas and some nuts. Healthy and filling lunch with dd in boston. Protein bar and fruit for dinner. Salad if I can find one. Nuts on the way home if I need it. I am being very strict because I am abstaining from bread, sweets, crackers, cereal - so as to break my cravings.
It's been almost a whole week now since I binged, and my TOM is coming to an end (thank god!!). My friend stayed over last night and she ate my meals I was cooking with me, and helped me cook which was really nice. She got hungry later in the night so I cooked her a meal I wouldn't eat right now because of how fatty it is but it didn't bother me.
Inthemidst : Don't worry too much, at least you stayed within your calorie range! It could be a whole lot worse, and it's good that you're making changes depending on your weaknesses. I think we are too free with ourselves and we need the discipline right now! Airport food is a killer, I'm going to Sardinia for a day on Tuesday and I have no idea how I'm going to survive!! I'm hoping that I can get some nice fish on the beach for lunch and dinner, but it's the early morning flight that's the killer. I'm going to end up going with a bag full of fruit and a massive bottle of water.
It's my weigh in tomorrow, kind of scared but hopefully there will be a difference!!
I am feeling really switched on at work today and am finding that the more I do the better I feel . . . the more I just complain and feel inert the worse I feel.
Yes I need to glue myself onto the perch and stay there! I started South beach today as I had a talk to myself and who are we kidding - I do need some structure at the moment (and am still unwilling to count calories even though I know that is going to be the best & easiest long term solution to know how much I am eating). But for now I am not feeling it.
I need to keep reminding myself that I have lost phenomenal amounts of weight before and I know what to do to do that. I just have to you know - doooooo eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet. And stop talking about it. I am really hungry today - I think its a combo of eating too much over the weekend and getting used to that and TOM. Kinda nauseous too - I think I have too much salt in me so am sucking down the water like its no ones business . . . actually i think I may be having a food hangover . . . its been so long since I have experienced one that I think I forgot how awful it makes me feel.
So I am committing to 14 days of SB Phase 1. I did 2 days last week just to see what it was like and it was both delicious and easy I am loving the emphasis on veggies and I think its re-training my super low carb brain that broccolli is good. Tomatoes are good. Eating them is not the problem!!!!
I am not sure if I just enjoy a challenge or am completely insane for starting on Day 1 of TOM . . .
