It's been kind of an awful couple of days for me, and I really need to get it out before it starts festering. Today's my birthday, and while I don't have a problem with getting older or birthdays in general, it's serving as a pretty awful reminder of how alone I've become. I'm not really sure how it happened, but I have very few friends and of the ones I do have, none of them seem to know that today's my birthday. I know I could have said something, but that seems even more pathetic. I also don't want to make people feel bad about forgetting or not knowing.
My parents did call and send a card (they live on the other end of the country), and I had to admit that I don't have any plans for today or any plans at all to celebrate. Saying out loud was not a happy moment for me.
I just feel awful and alone and terribly sorry for myself. It's not that I haven't made an effort to meet new people and make new friends -- it's just that I'm not very good at it.
About twenty minutes ago, I almost bought a big, gooey chocolate cupcake. I deserved it, I told myself. I'm not going to have a cake, after all. But the truth was that I didn't want it to celebrate; I just wanted it to make myself feel better. Once I admitted that, I stood there telling myself that the only problem that food can solve is hunger. The last thing I need to make this day worse is to fall back into emotional eating.
I don't know that there's anything I can do to make this day better. Right now, I just want to focus on getting through the day without making things worse. Although my head hurts from crying (and trying not to cry), I feel a little better just from having shared it. Thanks for listening.
What a gift you just gave yourself, by feeding yourself true thoughts instead of empty calories! Be proud of that triumph over emotional eating! I am inspired
*hugs* Happy Birthday! You know I try to think of birhdays and holidays as just a reminder that time waits for no man so seize life for today. Is there anything that you've wanted to do but have been putting it off? Go for it! Call a friend (even if they don't know it's your birthday) and ask if they want to grab a movie. Go visit a store that you've always driven past. Get your nails done just because! Baring that pick up the phone and call your family or an old friend. They'ld be thrilled to hear from you! I know it feels like you're alone but you're really not.
Wow! You've lost over 100 pounds and only have 38 to goal!!!! You don't need that cake!! What a step forward! Thats the best present of all!
On the other side of it, my Mom who turns 88 on Saturday went to a really nice dinner with mutual friends last night-only one thing-she forgot to invite me until yesterday morn when I could no longer change a commitment. I live a block away! Felt like "treating" myself, too. Didn't and feel much better today. Hope you do, too.
Congratulations on the will power and the weight loss.
I absolutely agree on the "seize the moment" attitude. It's your day - do SOMETHING! Call one of those friends who you don't know that well and tell them it's your birthday and you're kind of down and you'd like to go do something. You'd be amazed how many people have been there.
I actually met one of my lifelong friends that way when we were in our early 20's - I hardly knew here, but we went out for her birthday (her best friend dumped her for a date that night), then 4 months later, with very little contact in between, we wound up going out for mine (I had no real friends in the area). We found out we had a lot in common and have been close friends ever since.
My birthday was Friday, and what do you know, I had the EXACT same birthday as you. All my friends live out of town, because even though I've lived in Tennessee for over 2 years now, I haven't really made friends (it's so hard when you're an adult and don't have school as a common ground). Though they sent me text messages, not one of them bothered to send a card (not the same thing, guys).
My sister lives in town, but she was on vacation on my birthday. My parents forgot to send me a card. And while I would have been happy to forget that it was my birthday and just get on with it, I couldn't even do that, because Facebook kept reminding me. I never even log into Facebook!
The worst part for me was the awareness of how *alone* I was. Like yourself, I've been trying to put myself out there more, but it is hard, especially when you're not used to doing so. Having a lonely birthday just drives the point home even more, and I absolutely get where you're coming from. But unlike yourself, I threw myself a pity party and emotionally ate, and I was really sorry the next day. I'm still sorry almost a week later, in fact. So congratulations on being stronger than me. I know exactly how big an accomplishment it was.
I remember having a birthday like that too. I sulked and felt sorry for myself. Learn from my mistake - treat yourself to a wonderful evening (on plan of course) and enjoy the day. Why not call one of your friends and suggest a special activity.
Your happiness depends on YOU, no one else. I am wishing you a year full of fun, and excitement, and blessings
birthday blues
I live a block away! Felt like "treating" myself, too. Didn't and feel much better today. Hope you do, too.
