Hi everyone, I'm new to this. I have been visiting this website for over a year, but never actually registered to it. Now I wanted to come on here and introduce myself.
I am 25 years old. I just graduated from law school, and am studying to take the bar exam, which is next week. Growing up I had always thought of myself as the "chunky kid" or just plain fatter than everyone else. I always felt like something was wrong with me, and I focused way too much on it. I look at the pictures now of what I looked like back then, and I was a healthy weight. I have always been super athletic. I think my problem stems from the way I was raised. My parents made my weight the center of attention. I think they had good intentions, but went about it the wrong way. My mother was concerned for our health and just never wanted us to get unhealthy. However, her constant telling me to stop eating and persuading me that I was no longer hungry, always made me think I was ugly or fat. After my mom passed away when I was 13 years old, my dad increased his pressure on me. My father has always mentioned that I could lose another 5lbs. After my mother died, I did not know how to handle anything. I ended up losing drastic amounts of weight, that I now look back on and think was unhealthy. I thought that was my only way to cope.
Anyways, speeding things up to the more present time. I have always been a healthy weight and very athletic, though I believed otherwise. I started gaining some weight in college. I started college at about 112lbs. I maintained about 125lbs most of college. My senior year, I shot up to 140lbs. I started trying to diet, but kept failing. I think my whole life has been a diet. I stopped eating. I would starve myself, and I would do excessive amount of exercise. The most I would ever manage to lose was about 5lbs. Then I would hear my father tell me it was good, but 5 more was better. After a short while, I would give up and gain so much more weight. I started law school in August 2006. I had been with my boyfriend for only a short while and he made me feel so liberated, and not worried about my weight. At the end of that first year I was up to 170lbs. I tried to diet and went down to 160lbs. I was so happy for my progress, but it just was not enough for others. I gained it all back feeling like a total failure. In March 2008, I had gone up to 186.6. My father constantly mentioned my need to lose weight. For some strange reason, I felt liberated at 186.6. I felt like I had no cares and worries. I felt great for the first time in my life. I then started bumping into people that once knew me at 112lbs. I started getting a lot of comments. I also got engaged in April 2008, and figured it was about time I got serious. I then discovered this website. This website helped me immensely. Though I never posted until today, it was a source of encouragement and strength. I realized that weight could be lost and health gained by being healthy. It was possible if there was healthy food and healthy exercise. I started on a very healthy exercise and food plan. I checked calories, but never really strictly counted calories. I never went hungry. I ate to make sure I got what I needed. I worked out about 5-6 times a week for about 1-2hrs a day depending on how much time I had. I ended up losing 64lbs. I originally set a goal for 51lbs to get down to 135. When I hit 135 back in January I adjusted my goal weight to 118. I managed to get down to 123lbs the day of my wedding (April 4, 2009), and felt fantastic. I never have felt so great in my life. I managed to drop down to 122 right after my wedding and maintained it for a little while. A few weeks ago I started my incline again. I feel like such a failure at times, but I decided to visit this website again. I thought it was time to post because I needed encouragement.
I now weigh 132lbs. I cannot believe I let myself gain 10lbs in about 2-3weeks. I thought this time was going to be different. I told myself I was not going to gain weight. I never was going to let myself go above 130lbs. I must admit though, that i have no stuck to plan. I have no worked out since I started studying for the bar exam back in May. I have stopped eating healthy. I just can't seem to stop eating. I am overly stressed out about the bar exam, and my only refuge is food. I came on here to get encouragement because I do not want to relapse further. Though my father was so happy I had lost 64lbs, everyday he constantly reminded me how hard it was to drop weight. Everyday he reminds me of how much I have to eat less. When I was down at 122lbs he asked me everyday how much I weigh. I just do not know how to deal with all the pressures, and still manage to maintain. I hope I am able to get myself back on plan.
I know this was merely supposed to be an introduction, and if you read this far, thank you. I am sorry for the long post. it has just been one of those days. I ate everything in sight, I'm studying non-stop for this bar exam, and I am overly stressed out with my weight and life.
Okay I shall go back to studying now. Thanks for listening.