[miss_elisha]

Oh chickies, please help me!

After a loooong absense and the re-gaining of far too much weight, I came back to 3FC a few days ago. I was so motivated, so upbeat, so positive.

And now today I'm just . . . not.

I've been looking for a program to follow, because I've told myself countless time that "I don't need a program, I can do it on my own," and after failing to do it on my own every single one of those countless times, I'm admitting to myself that maybe I could use some help. (One of the things I'm working on in my life overall is to ask for help when I need it rather than being stubborn and trying to manage everything myself.)

Okay, so I'm willing to bit the proverbial bullet and go sign up somewhere, to get some help with this Beast, and I'm researching the many, many different programs out there, and nothing seems right to me. Everything is a diet, or a workout routine, and that's it.

The thing is, I *know* just about every diet on the planet. I've failed at just about every diet on the planet. I can't even make it a day, not one single day, sticking strictly to a diet, and it doesn't matter what diet it is.

And workouts? Sure, I could join a gym. Well, I could if I didn't have such horrible social anxiety, or if I had any money to join a gym, or if I had any time to go to a gym. But even if I did, I don't think I'd actually go.

The worst part is, I don't know what would *make* me go to the gym, or stick to a diet. I can rationalize anything and everything, including making the wrong choice over and over again.

I almost wish I had someone making my decisions for me, telling me exactly what to do and eat and not giving me any option to do otherwise. I wish it was completely out of my hands.

But it's just me and my decisions, meal after meal, day after day.

How do I get from here to there?

[matt_H]

I've been going to weight watchers, but I don't really follow the point system. I go for the encouragement of the meetings and all of the great info they provide. I don't like to think of anything as a "diet".

Welcome back to 3FCs and I'm sure you will find something that works for you. Whether it is WW, counting calories, Adkins, etc. All of the programs out there work as long as you take in less calories per day than you burn off.

[CamiToo]

I haven't been on this forum long enough to be dishing out tough love but I'm going to anyhow. If you're unhappy with your weight, only you can change it. You're the only person in control of what you put in your mouth and how much you move your body.

Let's start with exercise. You may want to try going walking several days per week to start instead of joining a gym. You can say you have no time for walking and you can use lack of time as an excuse. Or you can just do it and start feeling healthier and help your weight loss along with some movement on a regular basis. It's up to you to decide if having a nicer body is truly a priority.

As for a "diet", I too tried every diet, every pill. None worked in the long run for me because I LIKE eating carbs, fats, sweets, etc. I LIKE having a few drinks now and then. I'm not happy when I say I absolutely CAN'T have something. But I'm miserable when I'm fat and unhealthy. I made a pact with myself to drink 8 glasses of water a day and eat 5+ servings of veggies, 2+ servings of fruit, 2-3 servings of dairy and some other protein daily. I also measure everything I eat and all condiments so that my portions are correct. Plus I added light exercise. NONE of this is negotiable because I hate being fat. As long as I observe these basic rules, if I want a martini or a piece of cake in ADDITION to my daily food requirements, I can have it. And I've lost almost 50 pounds since the middle of March. I'm happy with my new way of life. I can live "normally". And I'm losing weight and feeling great. You may wish to take a page out of my book and create an eating plan that you can live with for life instead of following someone else's diet.

Post here often for accountabilty and support. But never forget that you're in control of your choices every minute of the day. You deserve to feel good about yourself and making better choices will help with that.

[VickieLou]

Welcome Miss Elisha. There is a thread in the weight loss forum called Books that have helped motivate you or helped you lose weight. That will be helpful. There are lots of info in the forums. Just keep trying.

[dragonwoman64]

Originally Posted by miss_elisha

The worst part is, I don't know what would *make* me go to the gym, or stick to a diet. I can rationalize anything and everything, including making the wrong choice over and over again.

I almost wish I had someone making my decisions for me, telling me exactly what to do and eat and not giving me any option to do otherwise. I wish it was completely out of my hands.

But it's just me and my decisions, meal after meal, day after day.

How do I get from here to there?

did you read the recent movie thread? ever see Ruthless People? Bette Midler finally loses weight when she's a "prisoner" in a basement and gets brought her meals (she does get her booty moving herself with the exercise).

I do think to myself, when I go to the gym, how nice it might be sometimes to have a proxy, someone who'll do the exercise for me while I reap the benefits.

I had a health scare that actually wasn't related to my weight that got me taking my weight loss and general health more seriously. It really made me realize that I was getting older, and if I had to deal with any medical issues, at that weight I could be seriously compounding my suffering and put me at significantly higher risk. And yes, there's the quality of life aspect, and yes, there's the want to look more attractive side to it.

I don't see myself as on a diet, but as eating healthily. for me, to think in terms of diet means there's an end to the diet, and I need it to be a lifestyle.

as for exercise, I started off just walking. walking down the street, on a regular basis. and I did some small routines at home, marching in place, side bends, etc. I had to start small and build up. I would never have seen myself as a person to go to a gym religiously -- or going at all, for that matter.

you're right that it's your decisions day after day, meal after meal. that's not a bad thing. because as your good decisions build up, as you get more and more of them under your belt, you get to feel the sense of accomplishment.

I love the nsv threads (non scale victories), because a big part of the whole process is overcoming and replacing the habits that are less productive in your life.

sometimes for me, the slowness of the actual weight loss can be discouraging, but then I look back and see all the changes I've made and I feel proud of myself about that, it helps me to keep going.

people here have posted amazing things that have really made me stop and think when I get to veering off program. I use that to help me.

Good luck, and keep plugging at it!!

[CLCSC145]

Whether you go somewhere or whether you do it on your own, you are still accountable to yourself and still the ONLY one who gets to say what goes in your mouth. Since you know what you should be eating, what would you be paying for? Someone to beat you over the head when you stray from the program? The incentive that you paid good money so you need to follow through?

If I were you I would seriously look at why you are looking outside yourself for control. You have everything you need inside you! I know that sometimes people truly do not know how to eat properly and a program is invaluable to teach them those skills, but you said you have the skills. So get on it, girl! Apply what you know! You control your own actions. You are the keeper of what goes into your body. No one else. No one else can browbeat you into losing weight, or make you do anything. Do it for yourself. Take the reins, forget motivation, and start making some healthy choices for yourself. Be tough on yourself (but kind) as if your life depends on it. Because it does... Now here's a hug to go with the smack on the rear .

[Alana in Canada]

Do you really want to be fat for another year?
Do you really want to have your thighs chafe, day afyer day after day?
Do you really want to tolerate heat rashes where your skin rubs together?
Do you really like not being able to bend down?
Do you really like being fatigued and out of energy?
Do you really like having to pull your legs up by hand to tie your shoes?
Do you really want to keep wearing clothes that "camouflage" instead of enhance your body?
Do you really want to be at risk for heart problems? Diabetes?

Go ahead, make the choice. With the very next thing you pick up to put in your mouth.


There is no choice. There's is only the decision.

[anniemalish]

hello. ok so i by no means am an expert or an example of achievement. i've not been doing this long, but i'm making small progress. i'm sort of at the same point as you.... i don't feel AS motivated this time as i have in the past. however----- my plan this time is "slow and steady." i'm TOTALLY one of those people who wants to get on the scale everyday and expects a 5 pound loss each time (yeah......right.....). this time i have a new strategy though: each day i do ONE thing better than the day before. my first day of "dieting" i ate a salad instead of pasta when we went out to eat. the next day i made one better food choice again and did some squats while i brushed my teeth. the next day was 1 better meal, squats, and drinking more water... etc etc etc. i know this sounds teeny tiny, but its really the only way for me to get myself going. i KNOW that i can take 5-10 mins of my day and do something better. slowly but surely i'm adding them all together and the majority of my day is full of good choices. as long as today is better than yesterday, i'm well on my way! hope this helps. good luck with your journey!

[harrismm]

I felt much the same as you before I began taking antidepressants.Hopeless and helpless.The medication has been a lifesaver.I am now much more in control of my eating and my life in general.Just a thought.

[cfmama]

Originally Posted by Alana in Canada

Do you really want to be fat for another year?
Do you really want to have your thighs chafe, day afyer day after day?
Do you really want to tolerate heat rashes where your skin rubs together?
Do you really like not being able to bend down?
Do you really like being fatigued and out of energy?
Do you really like having to pull your legs up by hand to tie your shoes?
Do you really want to keep wearing clothes that "camouflage" instead of enhance your body?
Do you really want to be at risk for heart problems? Diabetes?

Go ahead, make the choice. With the very next thing you pick up to put in your mouth.


There is no choice. There's is only the decision.

OMG. This post needs to be stickied!

Listen to her. LISTEN.

[H8cake]

Reading your post was like being in my head for the twenty something years before I decided to take control of my situation. I would go around and around with myself and make myself miserable. I was just thinking this morning about how it just took me finally deciding to take control, that's what made the difference. I was like you wishing for something or someone else to fix it. I was the only one who could fix it. You have the power to do it! You just have to get tough with yourself and decide that this is how it is going to be. Of course, there will be times you slip, but make yourself get back up and get on plan. Another big change in my thinking was to quit mourning over what I couldn't eat. As long as I felt sorry for myself I got no where. Healthy food can taste delicious, and it's important to focus on how good it is for your body. Exercise is the same way. Set some rules and make yourself stick to them. I hope you decide to do this now. I wish I hadn't wasted so many years wishing I would do it.

[katallan]

I have been where you are numerous times. Having been back only a short time, I can tell you what motivated me. ME!

I am tired of being tired. I am tired of buying a bigger size casue I have outgrown the one I am in. And pretty much everything Alana said!

How do I keep on this time where I have failed many other times? I take it one meal at a time. One oops doesn't give me an excuse to blow the whole day.

The diet? Not so much a diet. Weight watchers. The accountability and weigh ins plus the support every week keep me wanting more. ( not to mention I had to pay for it! )

I have cut all my portions in half if I don't cook it and don't know all the ingredients. Not exactly counting points, but it works for me. And exercise of some kind everyday.

You can do this. Keep reading all the wonderful advice and support given freely on this board.

Good luck!

[rockinrobin]

Any plan will work, as long as you are WILLING to make it work. We of course all have to find out what works for us, but the best plan in the world, whatever that one might be for each and every one of us as individuals, will stop working the minute we stop making it work. Losing weight takes effort, time, perseverance, commitment, dedication, devotion, patience, thought, planning and yes - work. But very, very gratifying work at that.

Another thing that I think you may need to do - is to forget about "diets". A *diet* for me, brings up memories of many failed attempts, horrible, horrible boring, bland foods to eat, dread and deprivation and that oh so wonderful feeling of, "When do I get to get "off" this horrible thing that I'm on so that I can go back to normal?" As corn-y and semantic-y as it may sound - LIFESTYLE CHANGE, - discovering that word, that phrase, that idea, that - mindset - opened up a whole new world for me. It made perfect sense to me. It was a "light bulb moment". I never did "diet" very well, but change my lifestyle, permanently alter my eating habits, now THAT was something I could do! Even though I knew permanent was a lot longer, it still seemed more attractive to me. Once I realized I couldn't diet and stop anymore, everything got a lot simpler. . Once I wrapped it around my very slow brain and accepted that I needed to be in "this" forever, well, that's the second I realized I had better make this delightful and fun and exciting. Something that I could look forward to, not dread. That's when I worked my tail off seeking out ways to make this work. That's when I came up with "my own plan", customized for me. That's when I became a "gourmet" chef. Because there was no way on earth I was going to do "diet" food forever. That's when I overhauled my lifestyle and incorporated healthy and good eating and exercise habits into my life. That's when I found the joy in this, instead of the sadness. That's when I found success, not failure.

Oh and you don't need a gym. I didn't hit the gym till after I hit goal. Walking, dancing, added activity, stretching, resistance bands, crunches - all can be done without a gym membership.

Remember, when you want it badly enough, you'll find a way, if not you'll find an excuse. Lord knows there are a million and a half of them. You CAN do this. You just must want to - very, very badly. And when you do, everything else will most likely fall into place - with a little tweak here and there as you figure out what works for you and what doesn't. But again, you must be WILLING to MAKE something work. Somehow, some way. This is within your control, your power. You are the controller of your your own fate, your own destiny, your future. You and you alone. Which is a good thing actually. Imagine leaving something so important up to anyone else?

[Trazey34]

Remember, when you want it badly enough, you'll find a way, if not you'll find an excuse

amen to that!!! I can't even count the number of years i sat around and moaned "god i'd do anything to be skinny....anything of course except eating normally and exercising" LOL it's funny cuz it's true! i WANTED it, I'd PAY for it by trying Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig -- if I wanted it and shelled out cash it should WORK right???? then it finally dawned on me that oh right, duh, only I control what goes into my face, no one else particularly gives a crap what i do....

but that doesn't help you... all of our struggles are just that, OUR struggles, and you've got your own to go thru - but at least you know you're not alone, we've been there and hopefully made it out the other side a bit, and it can be done. Being a lot less heavy a year later is awesome, the time's going to go by regardless right? might as well have something to show for it. Even if it's 10 lb this time next year, at least it's LESS right?? Being thinner is great, you can wear nicer clothes, have more energy, be able to do more stuff - but i'm not gonna lie, some of it sucks, it's hard work, you sweat, you b!tch and moan but you get thru it!! so come on in, the water's fine

[Truffle]

This is an EXCELLENT thread, and one that has helped me today too. Thank you.