Sorry, this might be kind of long but I am trying to figure out what's going on.
I'm in some kind of a funk and I just don't get it. Last time I lost weight, I got down to 207 and at the time I thought I looked and felt great. Today I'm within 3 pounds of that at 210. I still have the jeans I was wearing at 207, but they don't seem to fit. Was I delusional when I wore them then? Was I crammed into jeans that I had no business wearing, or is my shape just different this time around? I am 3 years older but that shouldn't matter, should it?
Also, I had an asthma attack the other night. Asthma, for me, is a condition that I usually only encounter when I'm at my heaviest, so it was a real smack-down for me to have one when I'm feeling healthier and trimmer than I have in a long time. Because of the asthma, I haven't been trying to jog as much and tonight I walked a couple of miles. I went past a storefront and caught a glimpse, and the girl looking back at me looked like the same old Windchime that was lumbering along at 34 pounds heavier a few months ago.
I don't get it. The last two weeks were really good as far as weight loss goes. I'm finally in smaller pants. I'm sticking to my plan, not bored or tempted to quit or cheat. So why do I all the sudden feel fat and lumpy and like I'm making no progress??
Last time when I reached 207, I stopped. I thought I looked so good and I wanted a break, so I stopped. I maintained for about a year, then slowly started gaining back. I don't want that to happen this time around, but I wonder if I'm approaching that psychological 'barrier' and somehow having trouble with that?
Another thought: This weekend is my class reunion. Last time we had one, it was very low-key and was mostly people who still live in the area so it was no biggie. I was heavy but I went and I had a good time visiting. I don't feel upset or anxious about the reunion, but could that be why I'm feeling fat and insecure?
Is it even important why I'm feeling fat and funky? Should I just acknowledge the feeling and power right on through this weight range, and not spend a bunch of time navel-gazing over it?
I've always found that figuring out WHY I'm in a funk is not nearly as important as being really, really nice to myself and trying new things to get myself OUT of the funk.
Can you give yourself a little at-home (or out, if you have the budget) spa day? A nice bath, a mani/pedi, maybe a face mask? Take some time to treat that awesome body you have worked your BUTT off for with respect. I often like to start a day like this with some kind of exercise I know that I'll enjoy, but that will get my heart rate going and those endorphins flowing. Good exercise, a lovely bath, some time with a good book, maybe a cup of tea...treating myself like I'm worth respect definitely makes me feel like I am more deserving of respect. Finish the day off with a healthy meal that you prepare with a lot of love and attention - good ingredients, something very healthy but satisfying.
You might also try getting yourself a new outfit, if you have the budget.
The key is treating yourself like you are worth it, because you ARE. And the more you treat yourself as such, the more you'll feel it.
Windchime - you are doing so great! 33lbs is major, major progress. I've been seeing your posts and you're such an inspiration and super helpful to others. Sorry you're having a tough day. I've had similar feelings - instead of enjoying the progress I've made, I sort of expect it to be more and am disappointed that I still have so far to go. Luckily, the feelings seem to pass quickly and then I can focus on the good stuff. I very much hope that's true for you too!!! Give the jeans a bit more time and then give them another shot. Is there a non-food reward you can give yourself? Maybe a pedicure or massage? Being pampered can help change my mood sometimes...
I've always found that figuring out WHY I'm in a funk is not nearly as important as being really, really nice to myself and trying new things to get myself OUT of the funk.
Sadly, I find that fat and funky feelings come at every weight. So I usually point out to myself that they are not tied to reality. I second Amanda's suggestions to pamper yourself and also get in a spot of exercise.
Darn my silly analytical mind! It comes in handy when I'm writing software, but isn't nearly as practical when it comes to accepting things like the body's habit of losing weight in a non-linear matter. I'm up on weight this morning in addition to my funk! I know it's just a fluctuation because I can look at my graph and see that it zigs and zags all the time. I can also look and plainly see that I'm definitely DOWN from last week. But my mind is playing tricks on me, whispering that I am failing, that it's not working because the data clearly shows that I'm up this morning. Grrrr!!!!!
You girls have talked me into a nice bath with a book tonight. I think I'm in the mood for a historical romance with a little bodice-ripping.
I hope you feel better soon. I think like Tyler said, feeling fat and frumpy even occurs when people are in maintenance! You are so helpful and encouraging to the people on this board, and I hope you can give yourself that same encouragement!!!
Last edited by thinpossible; 06-24-2009 at 10:14 AM.
Oh man do I do this a lot! Same analytical mind. I've come to decide that a lot of the time, feeling funkish is just a natural counter to feeling on top of the world. I don't think we're really meant to be super happy all the time... while it's nice, it's not really human. So sometimes we feel down to sort of balance it out, there isn't necessarily a good reason. I try to just accept my down days, and not let it change my actual behavior (especially with eating!), and it generally passes soon enough. I also try to avoid mirrors and the scales on those days, cause yes, I absolutely see myself at my heaviest no matter how I'm actually doing. Just like I sometimes see myself as super thin and hawt on my top-of-the-world days.
Good luck riding this one out, and enjoy the reunion!
I've also been in a bit of a funk lately. And I also think you've just to try and get yourself out with some tweaking.
I was bored with my exercise -- got a new DVD. I'm totally bored with my cooking -- going to go for some falafel and hummus tonight and hopefully will be trying a new eggplant recipe soon.
I think if you look at what you don't want to do in a day (is it the exercise you dread, the meal, or just find the whole thing overwhelming?) it can help isolate where you should change things up.
Also, you must look really, really good at 210 and 5'11" -- I remember the last time I was there (I'm the same height) -- you should be so proud of what you've accomplished so far.
Hummm...the fat and frumpy, depressed, weight gain time of month? You have just described how I feel for approx. 5 days a month. PMS?
I know exactly how you feel. I had 3 pair of jeans that I remembered I could wear at 205 maximum, and 190 minimum....I always felt kind of sexy in them. At 205 I tried them on and they didn't begin to fit. They didn't fit until I was 190. Matter of fact I just packed them away, as they are now too big...I have to wonder if clothes don't "shrink a bit" in storage? I know clothe sizes have gotten bigger, but these jeans I know fit at 205 at one point in my life...lol (I'm guessing I was poured into them as well! LOL)
Windchime, I am back up again this morning to 155. It is so frustrating but it is usually just like you said...the trend of weight loss.
I had to get a spot on my upper thigh biopsied this morning, so that put things in perspective for me today. I came home from the appt. and got on my bike and treadmill and am just plowing forward. I know I am doing everything right, as it seems you are. If it were any other day, I am sure it would have affected me much differently.
I just wanted to say I know how you feel. PS. Could it be that you are gearing up for TOM? That week before TOM, I feel like the ugliest, meanest and fattest person on the planet. Sometimes it even hits me 2 weeks before.
He advanced towards her, sooty grey eyes cast determinedly on her heaving bosom. Captivated by his eyes, her body screamed "Yes yes YES" as his manly forearms grasped her willowy shoulders. "I MUST" he uttered hoarsely, as he propelled her back, back, back into the dark, velvet-curtained room beyond and....
Well, you get the idea...
ANYhoo -- hang in there... your eyes haven't caught up with your weight loss yet. If you can just stick with your eating plan and exercise you'll be fine. Personally, I think that if you can eliminate the numbers from your mind completely, even for just a couple of weeks, and just define success as how close you are to 100% on plan, you may feel better about yourself.
You are ALMOST in Onederland, chickie. Stay with it. You won't regret it...
He advanced towards her, sooty grey eyes cast determinedly on her heaving bosom. Captivated by his eyes, her body screamed "Yes yes YES" as his manly forearms grasped her willowy shoulders. "I MUST" he uttered hoarsely, as he propelled her back, back, back into the dark, velvet-curtained room beyond and....
Well, you get the idea...
Whew, is it getting hot in here? Just me? OK, then. Thanks for that, Kira! LOL.
And thanks to all the rest of you for all your encouraging words. I'm so grateful to you all. As for TOM--I don't know! I had a hysterectomy over 10 years ago but still have an ovary, so I really don't know when/if the darn thing is sending out fluctuating hormones or what. So I really can't track that kind of thing at all.
I really thought about it more today and I think this is a big part of it: I have all these memories about how hot and sexy and cute I looked at 207. Now I'm a couple pounds away, and I don't feel hot or sexy or cute. So I'm feeling bummed about that, and feeling like maybe I was deluded or something back then, and maybe I really WASN'T hot or sexy or cute. It's all so confusing!!
On the bright side: I have a co-worker who is on my team but normally works in a remote office and only sees me on video conference. Today he was working in our office so I went over to say hello. He replied, "Hello, skinny!" If he hadn't been a married man, I'd have kissed him right then and there, LOL. So that made me feel a lot better!
...I don't feel hot or sexy or cute. So I'm feeling bummed about that, and feeling like maybe I was deluded or something back then, and maybe I really WASN'T hot or sexy or cute. It's all so confusing!!
I absolutely have these sorts of days and they have absolutely nothing to do with what I weigh. I have been at my lowest weight and woke up feeling fat and frumpy and that's when I know I am just in a mood and it has NOTHING to do with what I have been doing or what I weigh. I am not even one that worries that much about appearance and it totally gets to me at times. I think that your feeling this way at this weight is a total coincidence and you will be feeling fit and sexy right on by that old weight and beyond. Hang in there.
I will second the suggestion for the book and bath. (Thanks Kira...nice way to send me off to bed! LOL) I will also throw out there that it might be a nice time to consider doing a bit of journaling. I had a counselor share with me that the actual act of writing helps us process emotion just as much as what we write. Maybe that'll help you get it out of your system.
I'm in a funk--but why?
I hope you feel better soon. I think like Tyler said, feeling fat and frumpy even occurs when people are in maintenance! You are so helpful and encouraging to the people on this board, and I hope you can give yourself that same encouragement!!!
I've come to decide that a lot of the time, feeling funkish is just a natural counter to feeling on top of the world. I don't think we're really meant to be super happy all the time... while it's nice, it's not really human. 
