Ok, so I've been talking to this guy for the past couple of weeks and I think he's into me by the way he talks but at the same time I'm not sure. So I tried to get him to open up and just say what's on his mind but he seems to be acting oblivious or maybe not even acting but anway who knows. So, I told myself to not talk to him for a while, and see if he calls or texts me...that way I'll know that my absence actually affects him and that he cares enough to notice that I'm not there. I want to see if he'll try to contact me in any way if I stay far away from him for a while.
ANyway, problem is
its hard. I'm so used to talking to him.
What do I do to kill the time? I feel like some desperate loser who can't control herself but I feel like I may be falling for him. I just need to know what his thoughts are, how he feels. Maybe he's shy or thinks I'll take it the wrong way (if he is into me) we've talked until sunrise and he just makes me happy and we laugh and everything amazing but he won't say whether he feels anything but friendship towards me. It's CONFUSING, I guess you'd have to be there to understand. I dunno. I just don't know how to keep away.
I see his name online right now, but I'm on invisible and it's just hard! I feel like getting off invisible, going online and talking but I told myself I'm gonna do it. Keep myself from talking to him even though I've been doing it every day and now am so used to him. I just want to see what he does. See if he notices.
what to do to keep myself busy and away? how do I stop thinking about him?
Last edited by beautifulmess; 06-03-2009 at 11:21 PM.
Tell him you like him, you are going to torture yourself by waiting and seeing what his next move is going to be. Asking him out is the simplest fastest was to tell if he's interested.
I can't do that given the fact that I'm the shyest person on the face of this planet and besides, I want him to man up and tell me what's on his mind. I'll wait for whatever he has to say as long as it's true.
try to drop a hint... say something like "so i know this guy-- and he's great... I know how i feel about him but I can't tell what he feels for me..." maybe that will be a big enough push to get him talking... if not just blurt something out like wow you're amazing- i want to find a man just like you! blahblah-- along those lines... i would be carefull about just cutting off contact he might think you're mad or whatever- drop him an email and tell him that he needs to tell you what he thinks of you and until then you'll be waiting for him to call/email/text whatever it may be... you're not mad just want to make sure you're investing your time wisely! good luck! (btw my man did this when we first started talking and finally i said-- i'm falling for you-- if you're not falling for me then we should end this now! and he told me he can see us loving each other for the rest of our lives-- we're engaged now! getting married next year!-- so being blunt might work!)
oh girl! let me know when you find the answer because i am in almost the EXACT same boat right now (only difference is that we've been on a few dates and he knows i'm interested), for the bajillionth time in my life. fighting myself seems to be a losing exercise in minor neurosis.
i also have been alternating between invisible and not invisible all day hoping that he'll miss me. i am a total fail when it comes to playing hard to get.
I am a firm believer that if a guy likes you he will call you, or e-mail you, or text you, or whatever it is they do. If he's not trying to get in touch with you obviously you're not on his mind.
Sorry to be such a downer. I've just learned this through so many trials and errors! On the upside though, just remember things always work out the way they're supposed to if you let them. If it's not him, it WILL be someone else. The man who will adore you and won't be able to STOP thinking about you will come along.
As hard as it is, try not to obsess over him. And if, down the road, he does realize how awesome you are and what he's been missing HE WILL call you. And if not, you'll find someone even better.
Yea I agree with ^^
If you can't stop thinking about him like this then just tell him you like him and what does he think about it. Make it CLEAR that you like him as more than a friend so he is not confused. I have been there in the past!! It IS torture to play the wait-and-see game. I've told a guy like that I liked him and politely got rejected, it sucks, but then the obsession stops!
I don't think it's healthy to become so into a person that you don't know reciprocates the feelings, but I've done it when I was younger (and not as experienced lol).
I am a firm believer that if a guy likes you he will call you, or e-mail you, or text you, or whatever it is they do. If he's not trying to get in touch with you obviously you're not on his mind.
Sorry to be such a downer. I've just learned this through so many trials and errors! On the upside though, just remember things always work out the way they're supposed to if you let them. If it's not him, it WILL be someone else. The man who will adore you and won't be able to STOP thinking about you will come along.
As hard as it is, try not to obsess over him. And if, down the road, he does realize how awesome you are and what he's been missing HE WILL call you. And if not, you'll find someone even better.
I don't believe in playing the games where you try to make someone call you by ignoring them. Think about the signals you're sending by hiding, he could want to talk to you but not see you around and think you're hiding because you're trying to get away from him. Granted, most guys are just stupid, but some of them are decent human beings that have some of the same issues that we women have.
If you spend most of your time talking to him online, not by email or phone, he might be scared to call or email cause you're not around. He might be watching for your name to show up, he might be nervous and hope that you'll do the dirty work so that he doesn't have to. Not talking to someone because you like them doesn't get you anywhere but stressed out, and if the guy is like you, it makes him stressed out cause he thinks you're not interested! Then he may never man up and tell you if he is interested.
But if you really really really really want to avoid him, find other people to chat with. Do some kind of exercise. If you're stuck at a desk at work like I am, go for a short walk around the building if you can. Find some really interesting articles on something you're interested in online. I learned to knit and crochet when I got bored at work just by watching videos and reading websites. Now, I can pass the time looking for interesting patterns to try, too!
I see there are two polar opposite opinions on what you should do here. Count my vote in with those who say he will call you if he's interested! I think you are taking the right approach already.
It's not a game though--you should REALLY have a life outside him. This is attractive and it's important for yourself. Distract yourself by going out with friends, picking up a hobby or two that you enjoy, working out, etc. The point is not just to appear that you are an independent, interesting woman who is not desperate to be with him--the point is to BE that woman and if he comes around then great.
Let me share some info with you by what I have been through (peanut gallery stay quiet on this one, I used to be modest and soft-spoken as a fresh faced young lass *glare*) and what I have observed and know to be true.
Men are dumb. DUMB. D-U-M-B. Dumb beyond anything that you can even fathom. You can play coy all you freakin' want, but he will never get it. Ever. Unless you get really obvious about wanting to take this to the next level -- and by obvious I mean just short of putting on a neon pink jumpsuit and hopping around with a sign that reads, "I THINK YOU'RE AWESOME AND I WANT TO BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND 4EVR AND HAVE ALL UR BABIES KTHX!!!!!!" you are wasting your time sitting around with baited breath for him to 'notice' anything.
Even if you did do that, it would probably take him 20 minutes to realize a) that it was you, and b) who it was meant for. And even then he would probably walk up to you and go, "What is this about?"
Ladies short of deciding what to eat, absentmindedly fondling themselves, and wandering around thinking random thoughts with that silly smile men always seem to have on their face... please trust me when I tell you that there is nothing beyond that going on in their heads that has any relevance to anything. At all.
You will remain miserable waiting on a creature who, by nature, is completely and utterly oblivious to EVERYTHING other than what makes makes his pee pee tingle. He is not going to have any sort of romantic revelation, nothing of the sort. Just one day he's going to realize that he could be seeing you naked. And even better, he could be the *only* guy seeing you naked. It sounds stupid, and yes more emotions are involved besides sex they aren't that shallow, but it is one of the few things that will motivate men to act. It has been this way since the dawn of time.
He has already thought it about it, and probably does every time you talk. The trick is getting him to act on it in the way you want him to. How you will go about doing that is entirely up to you, but waiting for him to do it without your "gentle" guidance in the right direction is setting yourself up for absolute failure.
I'm not gonna presume to know how buddy feels one way or the other, but... if he's not asking you out, or if he's not letting you know that he's interested in a relatively obvious way... he probably just isn't into you enough to make things happen.
Your only hope is to [wo]man up, and ask if he's interested... or continue waiting around to see if something happens or not. But believe me honey, this guy probably isn't the end all and be all of the world, if he's silly enough to to have asked you out already.
I believe in the Rule of Twos. Make two attempts to show your interest (ie invite him to do something or call to say hi) and if he doesnt do anything then move on. That's all the energy he deserves. That's the rule my friends and I live by and it's worked for us.
I agree with those above that said if he's interested and/or really cares about you and enjoys your time... he WILL call and/or try to find you. Once that happens, go from there. See how he took your absence. If it was friendly bewilderment or "Hey come on, what the heck???" that might indicate some more deeper feelings. Then go from there.
You all are AMAZING. Thanks so much for the speedy replies ok but I'm still confused. There are sides to take. I feel like I'm in a tug of war, here! I don't know of whether to listen to the ladies who are saying do what you're doing, wait for him to notice and look for you! or the ladies who are saying, woman up and tell him what's on your mind!
this is hard...I don't know what to do.
edit* I dunno if I should talk to him tonight?? because I read one of the girls here saying what if he thinks I'm mad and igoring him on pupose and it just got me thinking. He has a tendency to think I upset easy like last time when we were chatting online, he was at work and had me wait for like 10-20 mins and when he got back I didn't answer for a while cause I was doing something and he asked if I was mad because he made me wait, since he does that a lot (when he talks from work)
Last edited by beautifulmess; 06-04-2009 at 07:50 PM.
*Off Topic* but I need help.
and besides, I want him to man up and tell me what's on his mind. I'll wait for whatever he has to say as long as it's true.
Count my vote in with those who say he will call you if he's interested! I think you are taking the right approach already.
this is hard...I don't know what to do.