[CLCSC145]

Hi All ,

It's been a very long time since I was active here and not the first time I've disappeared. I'm sorry for vanishing like that! Last time around here, I lost 75 pounds, and sadly, I put it back on along with another 20 or so. It's so hard to write that out. I have become a serial yo-yo dieter - one of those people I could never understand who has gained and lost huge amounts of weight. Twice. First 130+ about 10 years ago, then 75. Who does that? Who does all that work and then lets it slip away? Me, clearly.

When the 75 pounds came off, it seemed effortless . I was on some medication that had all but eliminated my appetite as a side effect. I felt great - free from the chains of my voracious desire to eat. And then my hair started to fall out. It was a fluke side effect that made my dream drug a nightmare. I kept hoping it would stop, but that didn't happen. So I had to switch meds. My appetite came back with a vengeance (along with my hair) and a decrease in energy. Along with some other things going on in my life, I lost hope for a time, stopped coming to 3FC, and gained back the weight and then some.

Now I'm not on any medication (yay!), happy, and ready to try yet again. Along with the extra weight, I also developed some obesity related health issues I hadn't had before (borderline pre-diabetic and excess fat in my liver) and that has been good motivation for me to get rid of my weight and bad habits. It's time for me to grow up and realize that there are bigger penalties to this fat business than not having anything to wear or not fitting well in restaurant booths. I've been living like I'm exempt from weight related illnesses because I'm young and have no family history of them, but being in my 30's, I'm not as young as I was and I can see I was kidding myself.

I don't profess to have the answer to whether this time is THE time, but I do feel like I'm learning from past mistakes with every attempt. I've been working with a therapist to change my all or nothing thinking. Historically, I revel in "perfection" and am devastated by slip ups and setbacks and give up. I am learning to live in the middle and embrace that perfection is a fantasy.

This time around, I'm not being so strict with my calories to start and focusing on my health more than the pounds. And I'm purposely working on eliminating the word "bad" or the notion of "off-limits" from my thoughts of food. I'm even working McDonald's ice cream cones into my plan once in a while! I'm being kind to myself and working to make decisions that reflect that. And regardless of what the scale says, if I make good decisions, I am grateful to myself that I'm doing things that make me healthier today than yesterday.

That's my story... So far I'm down 22 pounds from my high weight. I've been lurking here again for about a month, and thought it was time to pop in to say hello and let you all know I was cheering you on from the sidelines!

[Jennelle]

Welcome back! Based on your profile, it looks like you came to 3FC for the first time right as I was leaving for what I thought would be the last time! I was mired in a lot of leftover eating disorder issues back then and needed to just get away from it for a while. Back then, the 100 Lb. Club was much more enabling/co-dependent than it is now. Back then you'd get tea and sympathy. Now, you'll get empathy and a swift kick in the boo-tay if you need it!

I started anew this year for much the same reasons as you. My mom was diagnosed with Stage IV breast cancer last November and, while it's not the "genetic" kind, there's no doubt that obesity is a prime risk factor for breast cancer. I took care of Mom through the first weeks of her diagnosis...the esophagus burned by radiation, the nausea, the races to the bathroom, the hair loss, the tears...and I swore that I would do whatever was in my power to ensure that my sweet daughter isn't doing the same for me when I'm only 62 years old.

Stick around. You'll like it here!

[bindersbee]

Welcome back! There is no slinking. I'm willing to bet there is almost no one on these boards who hasn't done the gain/loss cycle. The numbers and amounts may vary but effect is the same. We understand falling down.

However, we also understand getting back up. That's why you are here and that's why we are.

I totally relate to what you said about perfectionism ruining things. I'm doing something similar to you- getting the weight of slowly through modification and exercise but NOT counting calories daily. I do every so often just to check myself but not daily. It's something that's derailed me in the past and so I threw it out. I'm trying to learn to LIVE this way, not diet perfectly. I promised myself THIS time around, I'd only do things I felt I could always do and only eat things I like. Moderation comes into play and increasing the healthy foods I like but it is still 'what I can live with'.

I think you're on a good track. Just keep moving forward. The trainride never stops so you may as well move along slowly and enjoy the ride- there is no destination.

[Rosinante]

So just welcome to Slink-Anon! I'm a slinker too, and I also have 2 previous successes behind me:
1st time, 25 years ago down 49lbs to a thin goal
2nd time, 5 years ago down 106lbs to a slender goal
3rd time (now, the charm) I'd regained 89lbs of that 106, currently lost 39 of those.
Every week brings both a joy in what I've lost and a real stab at how dumb I've been: for example, the weight I started at the first time (168) I felt a total whale, the highest I'd Ever been. I will now cry salt tears of happiness when I get down that far!

Sheesh, there I go again, I started posting encouragement to you and have ended up writing about me again. What I meant to say was, there is absolutely no shame in starting again, it's Not starting again that's the problem. And I think you're exactly right to make it maybe a bit more gradual, and therefore sustainable this time; and definitely the right decision to eliminate the word 'bad' from any aspect of the weightloss - far too negative and destructive to the self esteem.

Good luck!

[nicolen]

OMG, CC! How fantastic to see you again! I was thinking of you the other day and wondering how you were doing.

I snuck back at the start of the year after a bit of a break, so I know how you feel.

Welcome back!

[mj5]

CC Welcome back!!!! I have been wondering about you!!! We still have the accountability thread going (some new people, some 'old' LOL!) if you want to pop in there, I'm sure everyone would be thrilled to hear from you!

[rockinrobin]

Oh my goodness, you're BACK!!!! I too was thinking about you just the other day. Call me selfish, but I am so glad to have you back as you are such an asset to this place!

But I really am most happiest for YOU. You should be here. And you should be taking care of yourself, because you deserve to have the best life possible. I'm so sorry to hear about your health issues. May this truly be the impetuous you need to get you going on the right track. These are health issues that are GREATLY alleviated by losing weight. You can turn this around. And you know what, I can just feel it that you will!!!! One day at a time. One foot in front of the other. Make yourself a good plan. Get excited about the changes you are about to make. Delve in head first and before you know it, you'll be well on your way to being that fit, healthy person that you deserve to be.

Welcome back friend. Looking forward to hanging out with you once again.

[Tai]

Welcome back C.C.!

[Jen415]

It's never too late to come back here!! Welcome home....

[synger]

Welcome home!

I FULLY understand the "slinking" feeling... I've been a member here over 10 years (from before it was on this server and we all had to re-join in '99), my profile is on the second thread of the sticky, I wrote the first draft of the Newcomers sticky... and I'm only an active poster here when I'm actively trying to lose weight. THAT comes and goes, so here I am again, after 6-8 months away.

But the mere fact that you're back is a giant step in your plan. It shows your determination to return to a healthier lifestyle. This group is a great support for all of us who struggle with our weight.

[GirlyGirlSebas]

CC! You're back!

[nelie]

Welcome back!! You can do this

[Slashnl]

I remember you, too, CC! Welcome back. You just get back here and start posting again! You've been missed!

[CLCSC145]

You are all so nice to welcome me back! I appreciate it more than you know. And it's wonderful to see so many old friends still active here! I do find that being here and doing this is better than doing it alone. So thanks in advance for your support, your experiences, your swift kicks when required. I promise to return the favor.

Here's to making healthy changes that we can sustain!

[valpal23]

welcome back