Relationships?? - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

sparrow · 10-15-2002, 07:11 PM

I hope someone can help me. I was the cause of a new
relationship{3months} breakup. I know it was my fault,and now I
cannot get past it.I really liked this guy,and have a feeling things might have worked out.He won't even talk to me now,so there is no way to fix things.How do I forgive myself,and move on?
Lauren

HotFlash · 10-15-2002, 07:36 PM

If he won't even talk to you now maybe it wouldn't have worked out in the long run anyway. Communication is key in a good relationship. I used to think that everything that went wrong in a relationship was somehow my fault--after much therapy I figured out that sometimes a relationship just doesn't fit...period.

Inca's Momma · 10-15-2002, 08:58 PM

I'm sorry to hear that he will not talk to you, but I do have to throw in the message that I had been dating a guy for about 6 months and I did something stupid that broke us up and made him not talk to me. I tried talking to him the first few days but he very rudely hung up on me or told me to leave him alone. I was hurt but I realized I had to respect his wishes and leave him alone. After about a month I called him one day out of the blue and managed to apologize before he hung up, and Sunday we celebrated our 3 year "dating anniversary". So my long-winded piece of advice is give it time and maybe things will work out, if not realize this is meant to be and there will be other men. Plus you will be one hot and sexy chick that guys will be falling all over each other trying to get to

MzPen · 10-16-2002, 08:49 AM

This is not meant to be a relationship fixer, but it might make you feel better to write him a letter of apology - an old-fashioned, long-hand letter. Not something that says "I'm sorry, I really like you and want you back, what can I do to make everything go back the way it was" but rather "I'm sorry, I'm feeling so bad that I did this and hope you can forgive me and not hate me for the rest of your life, I enjoyed the time that we did spend together and I really blew it." I suggest this mostly because he refuses to talk to you. It would at least allow you to have your say ... and perhaps by getting that down on paper it will help you start to move on ... And then, don't worry about whether he will respond to you or not (yes, I know this is hard!!!!) -- try to find something else to busy yourself with, a hobby or something other than the idea of finding someone to date.

As was said before, these things take time. That doesn't help all that much now, but whether he comes back or not, time will heal.

Pen

Charbar · 10-16-2002, 09:56 AM

that's great advice Pen.. I had no idea you were so smart!

snowball1 · 10-16-2002, 10:09 AM

pen's advice is great! I think it would do you a world of good to get it written down on paper.

{{{hugs}}} & best wishes with this situation. Breaking up sucks

Jenniffer · 10-16-2002, 10:10 AM

I hate when I feel that I've done something wrong...it's a hard feeling to deal with.

I too would say a letter. It may do more good for you then the relationship..but that is what is most important. Get you're feelings out. Tell him that you're sorry and hope that he forgives you. You know the saying, if it's meant to be it will. If he can't find it in his heart to forgive you...move on..you deseve better. We all make mistakes. You're only human *hugs*

irishwings · 10-16-2002, 10:23 AM

I totally agree with all of this excellent advice! This can also be a time to focus on yourself. . .take care of yourself, be good to yourself. In my own situation, I haven't dated in years (I'm not sure I even remember how!)

So that can mean that it's a perfect time for me to focus on how I want to change and improve myself right now for the one fine day when "the one" does come into my life!

There is a whole world of new beginnings out there for all of us!

*smiles* irishwings

Goddess Jessica · 10-16-2002, 11:57 AM

It's bad enough when you do something stupid or bad and you're smacking yourself in the head for doing it but when it effects something irrevocably, you end up beating yourself up for much longer.

My advice is to take a break from it! Step away so you can have a clearer head about the situation and before you do something you'll look back on and feel worse about. (I once broke up with someone and then made the dreaded crying calls later to ask for him back. It certainly didn't make me feel any better to hear his response and looking back on it, it's not one of my shining moments as an independent woman).

Then, concentrate on YOU for awhile. You'll need to examine why you did what you did (there's always a reason), how you can fix that about yourself and then, you'll forgive yourself.

It's REALLY hard to take a break!

Also, a good book to read is "In the Meantime" by Ilyana Vanzant

muelledk · 10-16-2002, 12:00 PM

All of these women are right! Pen is absolutely right! As Jennifer said, if it was meant to be it will.
Remember, we are all human and make mistakes, so don't beat yourself up.

Sandi · 10-16-2002, 12:35 PM

{{{BIG HUGS}}}. So sorry you are going through this right now. Everyone has given you suck great advice, I echo it all. Just hang in there sweetie!!

sparrow · 10-17-2002, 07:13 PM

Thanks for your advice and concern. It really did help. I have to try to forget and move on which is hard .But I have to get back on
track.. I gained 20 lbs in 3 weeks with stress eating!
335/160/180