Does anyone else get this response? - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

HVEECK · 05-03-2009, 12:05 AM

Ok, I know I've lost a considerable amt of weight, and its very noticeable. I get comments every single day at work about my weight loss. which I enjoy. It makes me feel good. sometimes embarassed and uncomfortable at times, but for the most part I really appreciate the comments. Recently, and more than once, I have gotten some new comments that sort of throw me back a bit. Like, "how much more do you want to lose?" "you dont look like you need to lose much more?", or " so, you are pretty much done with losing weight now, right?" OMG!! are you kidding me? I mean yeah, its sort of flattering for them to think this, but I am still way over weight and almost 200lbs!! I mean do people actually think this is an average weight now a days? and why in a million years would I stop here? after going this far with my weight loss, as long as I have the desire and motivation (which I do) why would I want to stay at 192 lbs? its just bizzare to me. has anyone else had this happen? just wondering.
My husband even says that he can't imagine me being 135lbs! why not!!!! I see myself at that weight every day in my head, LOL. I just wonder why that seems so shocking to people.

Thighs Be Gone · 05-03-2009, 12:26 AM

Weightloss and the goals thereof, are immensely personal. I do not discuss my goals with anyone in real life other than my doctor. If someone says anything like, "you are just maintaining now??" or something I usually get off onto a spill about the importance of concentrating on nutrition, whole foods and balace and how I have shifted to that rather than a scale number. This is somewhat true. Not once has someone pecked me to death about whether or not I planned to lose more. I guess my spills on the importance of whole foods and balance would shut up anyone!

Thighs Be Gone · 05-03-2009, 12:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HVEECK

My husband even says that he can't imagine me being 135lbs! why not!!!! I see myself at that weight every day in my head, LOL. I just wonder why that seems so shocking to people.

Hey, this a FANTASTIC question to ask! EXACTLY! WHY NOT??? That is one of the ULTIMATE questions I asked myself, "WHY NOT ME???" Then, I got mad about it and wanted to shout it to the universe, "WHY NOT ME!!!" YES, ABSOLUTELY ME is my answer to the question!

My hubby is fantastic. In every way, he is super. He told me once last year that I would never be a size 8. Well, I guess he was right--well, at least I wasn't an 8 very long! I am a 4 now--and even wear 2 in several brands.

This journey is beautiful because it is ALL yours. Make it what you want. Make YOURSELF what you want.

Rosinante · 05-03-2009, 02:11 AM

I got the same comments last time (2002-2004). I got to 136 from 242, was aiming for 120 - but instead got to 225 by January this year. Idiot.

I think it comes from a mixture of reasons -
* most people have no idead what weight numbers look like
* most people who don't have a lot to lose think that losing Another 4 stone sounds impossibly huge
* some people are threatened by us when we change shape so radically
* (the one I found most comforting) while our startweights might undoubtedly have been high, and shocking to Us, other people are a lot less aware of it than we think.

I agree absolutely though with the 'why not me?' - that's my battle cry this time too.

And ps, you Do look fantastic, and congratulations on your achievement!

Couch · 05-03-2009, 06:00 AM

All of the above, and also:

1) general resistant to change - they barely recognise you now, and don't want you to be completely different.
2) the number you say you still have to lose sounds like a massive amount and they don't want you to be underweight.
3) it's never nice to say someone needs to lose weight. Much nicer to tell they they're fine.

Devsmama · 05-03-2009, 07:49 AM

Thighs is right on this one. Goals are personal and you know what you want to do. I think people just can't imagine you being smaller, like your husband said, but you know what? That's their problem, not yours, do you!! Keep going because that's what you want. I think its odd that at close to 200lbs and 5'4 people think thats okay..lol..I can't wait to get under 200lbs, but I'm not stopping at 199 either!! Keep going and let them keep drinking haterade cause you look fab!!

rockinrobin · 05-03-2009, 08:51 AM

I agree with what's already been posted.

Now people are pretty much used to me being this small, but as I was on the way down, I got comments like that all the time. Sure, people could understand me losing weight, but not THAT much. But I didn't start this little venture just to get health-ier, I wanted to get health-iest, if that makes sense. I mean just because I was morbidly obese, I should have settled for plain old obese, or overweight - uh-uh. I was taking this baby all the way home.

Long before I hit goal, people would mention, "that I'd lost enough, that I was thin enough, you mean you want to lose MORE weight?, don't get too skinny now" and things like that. But I do agree that people just don't realize what a healthy weight IS and what it LOOKS LIKE.

You have done such a fabulous job thus far. People are amazed by you and therefore they think that your weight is open for discussion. One of the downsides (luckily the only one) of losing so much weight. It's part of the package and we've got to take the good with the - not so good.

KforKitty · 05-03-2009, 09:09 AM

Happens all the time to me. Granted I don't want to be 135, I do think this will be too thin for ME. However I do think another 10-15 lbs will not make me look too thin. I work with medics and I even had a Professor of nutrition tell me that I shouldn't lose anymore. She was shocked though when I said that I was still 'obese' and kindly said that I did not look it. BTW, she is tiny herself (about 120lbs I would guess).

I don't really know why people see me as different to what I am. Perhaps its the contrast with what I was, I don't know. But I do know that the people who comment most about not losing more are those who are slimmer than I am at the moment.

Kitty

Heather · 05-03-2009, 09:10 AM

I think, from a psychological perspective, I think what's going on is the contrast effect. You're so much SMALLER than you were, that people focus on that part. The contrast from what you were. Not that you're still larger than many of them!

rockinrobin · 05-03-2009, 09:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heather

I think, from a psychological perspective, I think what's going on is the contrast effect. You're so much SMALLER than you were, that people focus on that part. The contrast from what you were. Not that you're still larger than many of them!

Yup. I remember when people started telling me how great I looked. And of course I was grateful for the kind comments. But I remember thinking to myself how ironic it was. And funny. It's all about perspective. People would comment on how good I looked at say, 170 lbs. But of course that's because they'd seen me at 287 lbs. But what if they'd last seen me at say, 135 lbs and then they saw me at that very same 170 lbs. I'm pretty much thinking nobody would comment on how "good I looked" then. Because then I would be dealing with a huge gain. All about perspective.

Friday · 05-03-2009, 09:28 AM

Girl! i know what you are saying!
Ihave a lot of large muscle. So i dont look as much as I weigh..
But I still weigh it! and its on my heart.. People are like you dont weigh that much.. you dont need to lose another 25 pounds ( i dont tell anyone how much i weigh) LOL..
I say.. Well I will reach my goal when im happy..
I think a lot of people are jealous too.. SAdly!
I go by what my doctor suggests and how i feel!
Good Luck keep going! your doing great!

JayEll · 05-03-2009, 10:34 AM

It's nobody's business whether I want to lose more weight.

I moved after I had lost weight, and in my new community, people view me as "normal," not as someone who has lost weight. It's really rather nice. No one tells me how "great" I look (having lost weight). No one asks me questions about how much, how much more, etc. No one watches what I eat or asks me questions about my food.

Remember that a lot of what people are asking you or telling you is inappropriate and they would never dream of saying these things to anyone who hadn't lost weight. So try to just let those comments go. Don't discuss your target weight, your current weight, how much you've lost, or anything else--just say "Thanks" to the compliments and move the conversation on.

Jay

LittleMoonRabbit · 05-03-2009, 10:55 AM

I have had a similar response from people. My friends especially. They are like "why would you want to lose more weight???"

Seriously, I am still overweight for my height, I still have lots of extra weight on my hips, my thighs, my stomach... but I kept being told I am going to end up getting "too skinny." Uh, I have a LONG way to go before I am "too skinny"... the BMI chart says I could go as low as like 105... that's another 38 lbs from now! And I have no intention of going that low.

Personally, I do think some people have this altered perception of what a "healthy, normal weight" is now. I also think, because I have ALWAYS been overweight (since 4th grade), that people in my inner circle can't really imagine me being at a healthy, normal weight. And because they can't imagine it... they assume it must be bad.

Thighs, my husband has told me similar things, like I will never get to 125, or I shouldn't lose any more... I think he may be just as apprehensive about the "unknown" as I am... but, I just don't let any of it bother me. Not from my husband, my mom, or my friends... this is MY journey. I am not doing this for ANYONE ELSE but ME.

And I think that's what is making me successful this time. I am doing this for me, and no one else, and I don't really care what anyone else thinks. I am going to get to 125, I am going to be healthy and athletic... and if people aren't going to be supportive, I really don't care... I have enough inner support and love-of-self to get me there all on my own at this point... well, that, and all the love and support from you guys at 3FC

LuvMyMr · 05-03-2009, 01:31 PM

Oh I don't go by the BMI chart. If I had then when I was a size 6/7 I was considered overweight! I have no problem with people asking how much more I want to lose. A friend asked me that this morning I said between 30 and 50 more pounds and she said WOW! That's because she knew me when I was so much bigger and I lost a lot of weight and am looking significantly better. It's not offense to me. I don't mind at all and if it's to maybe encourage someone with their weight loss it's all the more better.

kiramira · 05-03-2009, 02:09 PM

I think this has less to do with BMI and so on than it has to do with changing relationships between you and those around you. You have always been perceived as being "heavy" within your group, I'm sure. I'm sure there were food behaviours and socializing skills that established you within your group. Now this is all changing!
The people around you are uncomfortable with you becoming a "new you" -- how will things change for them? Will you still go out with them? Will you be the same person? Will you still want to be their friend? Do they still want to be yours?
I certainly haven't transformed myself in the manner that you have, but some of the comments I have heard, LITERALLY, include:
1. "You're getting so THIN. You look better than I do!" then as an aside to a second friend, "She's not ALLOWED to look better than us"...
2. "You're no FUN since you stopped eating out with me."
3. "You shouldn't lose too much weight. You look sickly. I wish I could lose weight"...

So, you have to try to get to the root of why the person is saying what they say, because it most likely is more about them than it is about your success.

Keep your own path in mind, and deal with the relationship fallout as it happens. You may find that you don't keep some people in your life, but add new ones in! Scary! But true...

Kira