[lizziep]

So I'm trying to be good and eat on plan and get myself healthy. But i have this weird sick need to rebel. I don't know where it's coming from... well I have an idea... but it's still disturbing me.

i guess i feel like since I can't be "bad" with eating what I want anymore... I'll do it in other ways. I was going to get pierced today, I bought a pack of cigarettes and have been secretly smoking again, I scrape up some change and get something from the vending machine at work... all in secret from my husband.

He's driving me nuts!! Trying to tell me what I can and can't eat, how I should be exercising, when I should be doing it. I just want him to back off, but he won't. So I guess I'm rebelling against him by doing things that I know would piss him off if he knew?
How sick am I!?!??!

anyway- does anyone else feel this need to be a rebel? what do you do to combat it without giving in? I can't start smoking again!! I can't keep sneaking vending machine snacks. And there are only so many places a girl is willing to get pierced!

[neon_zephyr]

I definitely know this feeling! For me, weight and control are linked in strange ways. I have issues with the way our culture judges women so heavily on the physical and in some strange way, allowing myself to become so overweight has come from a rejection of those standards. Whenever my sisters or my mom or my fiance push me too much about how to manage my diet or exercise, I start to see the endeavor as not being about me or my interests anymore and I tend to rebel. The easiest way is sabotaging my diet. Sneaking into the kitchen at and eating jelly beans or chips (that are kept there for the thinner people) out of spite, however, has not served me well. So, I've done strange things to rebel against people like...say provocative and obnoxious things, curse when I know it bothers my family, be lazy about makeup or clothes, buy stuff I don't need, or wear what I like even when I know it upsets other people's sensibilities. Recently, I've realized that this desire to be rebellious comes from feeling out of control. I was never a rebellious kid, so I guess that impulse never got vented. I find that taking a break away from whoever has upset me or venting about it in a journal has helped. It's hard not to shift the vices around....

[K8-EEE]

I think you're way ahead of the game. It took me DECADES to figure out that my weird yo-yo dieting was related to relationship issues.

Overeating and undereating are both ways of exerting control when you feel powerless in a situation.

It's like the weight watchers saying....it's not what you're eating, it's what's eating you.

So you sound like you know what's eating at you, so you're on your way to solving it.

[princesspuffypants]

also, consider that good and bad are just associations. they arent real. there is no such thing as a good food or a bad food. its just food. its your association with it thats good or bad. next time your feeling sneaky, sneak some carrots. lol

we have such an attachment to this good/bad issue. that for me was the biggest way i figured out how to do this. there arent "bad" foods and im not "bad" for eating them. there are foods that dont serve my body.

i also find it interesting that a lot of people say that they gained weight as a form of rebellion against societal norms and definitions of beauty. heres the thing, society is what it is because thats whats accepted by the mass. when you reject it in a form that only hurts yourself, youre only hurting yourself. you arent making some big political statement. your body is a temple and should be treated as such. you should treat yourself the best out of how you treat anyone.

my weight gain has no excuse. when i was a kid my grandmother pumped me full of mcdonalds and fried foods. when i was in jr high and high school i would go days without eating, not to diet, but because i dont really like a lot of foods. and now, i eat what i want when i want to. i try to make consious decisions and track what im eating. i dont deny myself goodies but realize the power of moderation. when you deny yourself the things you want thats where you get into this trap of good/bad and you start to beat yourself up over it. allow yourself room to have the things you love, just not all of it in one sitting

[mayness]

Originally Posted by lizziep

He's driving me nuts!! Trying to tell me what I can and can't eat, how I should be exercising, when I should be doing it. I just want him to back off, but he won't.

I'm 2 weeks late reading this... maybe you've had more success now. But this line struck me -- you WANT him to back off, but did you.. well... ASK him to back off? Directly? "Subtle" doesn't always work with men. For example, you could say, "I know you've got my best interests in mind, but I'd rather do this independently, and your well intended advice and criticism is causing me to feel restricted."

If you've talked to him about it and he downright refuses to back off, that's an issue of respect and kindness... and maybe time to seek the help of a professional to figure out ways you can both deal with the situation.

[lizziep]

by professional do you mean assasin?

you're right- maybe i should be more direct with him. i thought i had been but you're right women and men think and communicate differently.

thanks for the feedback ladies- i'm just glad i'm not alone in this. i don't know what it is about me- i just want to dye my hair and sulk in my room and smoke my cloves like in high school again. maybe it's a 1/3 life crisis? lol.