I'm so sorry about your friend, may she rest in peace.
You are not selfish wanting to take care of yourself. What was suggested to me no matter what happens in your life get yourself to the first available meeting and share it so I suggest you do that just like you did here. Sharing doesn't take away the pain of loss but it helps you feel it without trying to cover it up with food.
May you know that your HP is always with you.
hugs
patd