So, here I am again. Almost to the hundred pount mark. Again.
And I'm losing heart. (I know, all it takes is committment.) I got a good look at myself and all I see is the thumbwide stretch marks, the monster thighs, and I wonder if it's just too late and too much to fix, to ever look "okay" again.
This time, I'm luckier because I'm participating in a Biggest Loser competition at my local Y and I have team and a trainer I don't want to disappoint. But yesterday (after my weigh in Saturday afternoon) I ate like there was no tomorrow. And blew my entire week's effort (some of it's water weight and will go away, but...). So it's my committment to them that will keep me going for a while.
Mentally, I know *when* I lose the weight, I'll feel better, I'll be able to move around and participate in my life, won't embarass my kids (except in the normal teenager ways), and so on. But today, for the second time, I got stuck in my head and drove right past my daughter's school and didn't drop her off and had to circle back around. It's really getting to me but I don't want to give up this time.
I know there's lots of maintainers around, though not some many from where I'm starting. Anyone make it over this hurdle, make peace with this?
Thanks,
Barb
Last edited by Keillynsmom; 03-09-2009 at 12:41 PM.
My BFF is sort of in the same boat as you. She went on Atkins and was doing really well. Then one day we were out to dinner, just catching up and talking and she mentioned she thought of just giving up. I asked her why and she said it was tough, and she was getting disheartened by how long it was going to take. So I asked her how much longer she thought it was going to take and she said "probably about another year, to year and a half". I looked at her and said, "Let's say it takes another 2 years. Those 2 years are going to come and go whether you stay on your diet or not, so in 2 years you can be the same weight you are or heavier, or keep going and be thinner." I wish I would have added what I'm going to say to you. You have already lost nearly 100 pounds. Do you know what sort of acheivement that is??? Look at how far you have come already and how hard you had to work for it. Giving up now would just be throwing all your efforts out the window. Secondly, losing that 100 pounds has increased your health enormously! You mentioned you didn't want to embarrass your children, but consider at least you will LIVE to embarrass them in the normal teenage ways. Your weight loss is not just about how you are going to look, it's about how you are going to feel. Look at the example you are setting for your kids. Do you want it to be an example of "Ok I had this problem, but I worked to overcome it." or do you want it to be "It's ok to give up when the going gets tough." Giving up now is like forfieting the game in the 7th inning when you leading the game. You sound like you are just getting in a rut. Maybe look for some things to shake up your routine a bit, or do something nice for yourself to reward all your efforts to this point.
Oh my goodness! You have done so well! I hope that some of the maintainers can come in here with lots of good advice. Maybe if you look at some before and after pictures and see how much you have lost and how great you are doing, that might help!
Stay with it! I am so impressed with your results.
Really you have come so far and I hope you stick with it. Whenever you feel like you need to eat (and if it isnt because you have to, you just want too) come to the boards and post, it will hopefully keep your mind off of it and there is so much great support here.
Also, talk to your trainer or spouse or best friend.. They will give the same advice as any of us, but they are in your personal life, so they might be able to give you some perspectives that we can't...
Please don't give up! I'm so proud of how far you've come, and I'd hate to see you go backwards because of those gremlins in your head.
I've got those fat stretch marks too (all over my tummy and upper arms), and my stomach is starting to look like an over-stretched deflating balloon, but my knees tell me that's tons better than carting around all those excess pounds. Anyway, I decided long ago you'd never get me near a bikini again, let alone in one!
Try to celebrate how far you've come. You've done so well.
And yes, what Iheartsushi418 said too. Looking forward to hearing what the big-loss maintainers have to add.
I didn't start from where you did, but I can relate to the frustration. I look at my saggy thighs and boobs and know I won't ever be totally happy with my body naked. I can't afford surgery and I'm too chicken to do it anyway. I am trying to focus on how I look with clothes on which is how I live 99% of the time anyway. I am really quite happy with how I look in clothes. It can be frustrating having to count every bit that goes into my mouth and exercise every day. I try to think of the alternative, do I really want to go back to my life the way it was before? No way!!! It was miserable, I could hardly move, I wanted to stay in bed. I hated getting dressed because everything was so tight and uncomfortable. It was so hard to go up steps. I was afraid I would go to bed and not wake up the next morning. Maybe I'm saggy and I have to discipline myself more than some people but it is worth it!
It helps to read others experiences. Have you checked out Lynn Bering's blog? http://lynnsweigh.blogspot.com/ She lost 168 pounds and has kept it off for a few years. It has been very inspiring to me to read through her blog.
Hang in there Barbara! You can get over this hump and keep going! You will be so glad you did!
You have come so far and have done so well, you have to continue. I did not start where you are but I was very close. I am short so my bmi was over 50. I too struggle with being discouraged at times.
I have to consider my alternatives. They are basically, keep working at this or give up. If I keep working at this, I will get to a healthier weight. If I give up, my weight will go back up. That is as sure to happen as the sun is to come up tomorrow. So…. keep working or gain more weight?
Looking at your signature, you have set yourself a goal of 140. Maybe, for awhile you should just forget that goal. Take it one day at a time and celebrate all the success you have had. You have lost almost 100 pounds! Do you know how many people want to lose 100 pounds? I bet you do. Why don’t you just focus on getting to 100 pounds lost? You are just 11 pounds away. I bet you feel so much better than you did when you weighed 374 pounds.
You have done so well!! You have proven that you can do this! You only have to worry about today and do what you need to do today.
Just wanted to chime in and say you're doing awesome! I'm not where you were but I'll never have the body I might have had in another life either. I'm 31 years old and I have stretch marks galore and I know I'll have saggy skin and I'm pretty darn sure I'll never wear a bikini! But there's so many rewards to weight loss - and I'm sure you're already reaping many benefits. I was thinking along the same lines as another poster who said maybe you just need to change your routine a bit, to keep it fresh for you. Keep going, you're doing wonderfully!
Last edited by sept15lija; 03-09-2009 at 10:23 PM.
I don't know how tall you are or how old you are but our stats are pretty similar. When I weighed 360 lbs, my ankles and knees hurt all the time. I had to stop and rest going up flights of stairs. It HURT to go down stairs. It totally sucked to buy clothes. Nothing looked good, ever. All I wanted to do was sit on my couch, in sweatpants, snack, and surf the net. I was miserable!!
Life isn't perfect now, but it's SOOOOOO much better. For example, one of my dogs is very sick. I slept on the couch for the last 2 nights because she was too sick to go upstairs to the bedroom. When I weighed 360 lbs, I would have slept *maybe* 2 hours. The couch was really uncomfortable. I sank to the bottom and it was hard. I was too wide to get comfortable. Plus, I would have been up and down all night, snacking (because the kitchen is right here) then hauling myself up the stairs to pee. That sucked!
Now, 98 lbs lighter, the couch ain't as comfortable as my mattress, but it ain't bad! AND, I fit! I had plenty of room! I could turn in any direction I wanted!!
If you give up and gain all that weight back (and, let's face, plus a few pounds, because most of us end up gaining even more), how are you going to feel physically? Mentally, of course it will suck, but physically, it will HURT! Please don't do it! Hang tough; you can do it and you will feel so much better! Weight lifting helps with the loose skin, really! Sending you lots of good wishes.
I'm not quite at the 100 lbs lost mark.. but I too started at 37something... and I can tell you that I won't EVER go back there for the world. My quality of life has improved SO FREAKING MUCH that it's not an option.
Thanks for responding! I really do appreciate, particularly when I'm wallowing in whatever this is...
What's better for me: I can get around better, my legs feel stronger, the plantar faciitus is letting up more, and, I am grateful for that because now that my husband's broken his ankle and unable to get around, I was able to pick up the load and keep going. But that's pretty much it.
I know that a lot of things will get better. I know that once I’m at a normal weight, I will "suddenly" get smarter and more competent to my co-workers, able for my church, not have to worry about small children announcing my pregnancy to their embarrassed mothers or teenagers yelling disparaging remarks from passing cars or have my girls deal with remarks from their friends or deal with looks from perfect bodies in the gym considering just how contagious fat is. My hips, knees, and feet will feel infinitely better and will be better able to take care of my newly retired parents. I’ll get to shop in the regular clothes. I may get some salutary accolades for having lost so much (while the betting begins on when I’ll gain it back). I will become stronger mentally and physically and more disciplined, which will help everywhere in my life. And I will look better, at least in my clothes.
I'm realizing what weight loss won't do for me -- my marriage isn't going to get any better, I'm not going to get experiences back that I missed because I couldn't participate. I'm realizing how much damage I've done to myself and how much of that is just unfixable and kicking myself that if I had loved myself enough earlier to stop and deal with myself, I wouldn't be in so deep. I think that's what behind this. I can't get my life back.
But I can have the rest of my life. I just have to grieve what I've lost and come to some acceptance about that.
And all the diet books say it's just calories in and calories out.
Thanks so much for being here,
Barb
Last edited by Keillynsmom; 03-11-2009 at 12:43 PM.
I'm realizing what weight loss won't do for me -- my marriage isn't going to get any better, I'm not going to get experiences back that I missed because I couldn't participate. I'm realizing how much damage I've done to myself and how much of that is just unfixable and kicking myself that if I had loved myself enough earlier to stop and deal with myself, I wouldn't be in so deep. I think that's what behind this. I can't get my life back.
But I can have the rest of my life. I just have to grieve what I've lost and come to some acceptance about that.
And all the diet books say it's just calories in and calories out.
Thanks so much for being here,
Barb
It sounds like your really sad about what you have failed to do in the past, and I think all of us with 100 or more pounds can relate to that. But maybe use that as motivation for sticking with it, since you'll be in the same boat if you throw in the towel.
Maybe if you don't feel like you have it in you to move forward you could maintain your loss for a while. See what it feels like. You've lost an amazing amount of weight, maybe you need a reminder of how much hard work you've done and how much better off your body is now. Put 2 sacks of potatoes in a backpack and wear it around all day.
Where I'm coming from when I write that: I spent the last nine months of 2008 watching my father die of stomach cancer. They don't know what causes it, but there's some chance that it may at least in part be diet-related. He would have loved to have another year with all his faculties & fully mobile. And I can't express how precious my mother & I would have considered that time.
Don't discount the time you may have yet, because it's more nebulous than the past, when you know exactly what you missed.
Also, don't discount the intangible benefits of weight loss. It's not just physical stuff. It's mental. It's the satisfaction of completing a long, difficult task that many people struggle with. It's all the things you learn along the way, about yourself, your physical capacity, your ability to persevere & other stuff. These are the sort of life skills that you can transfer to other areas in your life.
Weight loss in itself won't straighten out everything, but it may teach you something about dealing with life that could help you a little in these other challenges.
Hitting my accustomed Mental Roadblock
I'm so proud of how far you've come, and I'd hate to see you go backwards because of those gremlins in your head.
but my knees tell me that's tons better than carting around all those excess pounds. Anyway, I decided long ago you'd never get me near a bikini again, let alone in one! 
You've done so well.
Looking forward to hearing what the big-loss maintainers have to add.
