[kaebea]

well, I did exceeded my calories for the day by a bit.
It was not a full blown binge, but rather just a large meal preceeded by a large snack.
Although...i did succeed in not eating the whole bag


I decided i need a place to leave my slip ups so that i do not use them as an excuse to fall off the wagon.

for dinner, i had 1/2 a bag of trail mix, and a footlong sub. guesstimating i went over the high range of my calories today by ~400calories. I can just stop eating for the day, rather than using it as an excuse to binge eat for the rest of the evening.

[kaebea]

argh, i forgot about my just for today!

So i stopped at the supermarket and got some food, some of which was a bag of cashews. errrgh. i don't know how many i ate, not the whole bag at least, but still probably enough to qualify as over eating

So now i have to fight the urge to just keep eating and snacking the rest of the night and planning to start new tomorrow.

I really don't want to be fat.

I always feel like i can't move on in my life or find true happiness and worth untill i get my diet and body under control.
I try and keep my faith up that someday i will change. someday i'll see results. I hope it isn't too late for me. reading the success stories on here always makes me feel hopeful again.

Some times i just wonder if my metabolism is so slow that the only way i could possibly lose weight would be by following or trying to follow an unrealistically strict diet. and the minute i slip from it i'll gain back all the weight and have to start all over.



I've never been a quitter. I don't have alot of successes under my belt, but i can honestly say i've never really given up hope. I've hit alot of obstacles over the past 5 or so years, so maybe that's how i got to where i am now. but i just have to learn from my mistakes and try a different approach.
Which i am doing, so i should not dispair tonight. things will turn if i just keep making the effort.

Experimenting and exploring different workouts and activities and trying to settle on something that fits in my life, that i enjoy and feel good about and that gets me to loose wieght and be healthy.

sorry for the vent......ugggggggh

[luvmyboys]

Hi Kaebea,
We've all had slip ups so you're not alone. Good for you for not continuing to eat and realizing you needed to stop. Keep it up - you can do it!

[kaebea]

ugh, thanks luvmyboys.
I like to know others can understand. honestly it's good to have this forum cuz i don't really know any real life people who openly admit to this affliction.
sure people admit to craving chocolate, but not to the extent i can inhale food

so , today, another slip up. not so bad.
i had just fruit for breakfast cuz i knew i'd have a personal pizza from the cafeteria at work for lunch, then i had a drink from the cappucino machine at work.
I meant to get a cappucino, they're 65cents in the vending machine, but it wasn't spitting our capps today, guess it needed restocked, so i tried the "french vanilla" option my co-worker always gets. It dispensed one, but i found out it's mostly a sugary drink, no coffee in it.
more like a hot cocoa than a coffee, but vanilla flavored. (prolly higher in cals too.)


anyway, the binge part was a bag of trail mix after work, rather than the salad i had in mind. sigh.

oh well, live and learn. small changes. one day at a time and all that.


I hope one day i can put all this craziness in the past.