Hi everyone... i have been on this site for about a year posting in cal counters. i have been reading thru some of your posts, and you seem like a really friendly bunch of people, as well as the fact im 44, i thought i would introduce myself and hopefully get to know some of you.
i have never really told my whole story on this site, so bare with me a bit. maybe it'll help getting some of it out lol
I wasnt fat as a child.. maybe a lil chubby at times, but never fat. When i was 18 i got pregnant with my son. i weighed 130lbs. when i was 3 months pregnant, my sons father went to prison for stealing a car.. i was less than enthused about men at that point, so i did give into my chocolate cravings.. i would eat good meals, but then eat a lb of MnM's afterword..or a whole choc cake.. the day After i had my son, i weighed 225..i finally lost down to 150, and i got pregnant with my daughter.. diff man..thought this time it would be different.. anyhow.. 3 months into the pregnancy, he was arrested for a forgery charge he had commited 2 years before i even met him.. boy did i hate men at that point.. i figured if i was fat, i wouldnt have to deal with men anymore, so i literally got fat on purpose.. not only was i young with really bad taste in men, i was an idiot lol...the day after i had my daughter i weighed 250.. and in the ensuing years it has ballooned to 301. i have wanted to lose wieght for a while now, but have had a really hard time sticking to any kind of plan or staying motivated.
i have done a lot of soul searching and i think im kinda scared to lose the weight. i know that sounds dumb, but i have been huge for over 20 years.. im not sure ill know how to behave thin.. does that make any sense? lol.. i have never been a weak, scared woman, and i have finally gotten angry at myself for these feelings.. i know i need to lose the weight so i feel better, look better, and live longer.. and im tired of being scared about it.. scared of failing, scared of re-defining me as a thin person.. so, im gonna jump in with both feet.. lose this stupid weight, and deal with re-defining myself as and when i need to..
im going to start with portion control and cal counting.......... and add a whole lot of exercise.. which sadly i dont do at the mo..i bought an exersize bike, and some dumbells, which im gonna make myself use.. ill start slowly at first so i dont reach a burn out, but i'm going to do my best to stick with it this time.
im not expecting miracles, but i am expecting myself to do the best i can. i have never settled for less with anything else in my life, so why settle for less with my health?
i look forward to getting to know you guys