Laying on my back in bed having a hard time breathing and realizing it was due to my weight. I decided then that it was time to do something. It's going to be a long road, but I'll get there.
Mine was a combination of several things coming together but there was one significant day when I was too embarrassed to go to the lake with the all my friends because of the way I looked in a swimming suit next to all of them.
Although we are roughly the same height, I looked almost twice his width.
It was like a slap in the face, because it woke me up out of my state of denial about how I really looked. I could no longer lie to myself that I wasn't "that fat," and that I didn't look "that bad." I WAS that fat, and I DID look that bad!
It's interesting because for me there wasn't a moment that I decided to lose weight in that sense.
How it happened for me:
Back in 2006 my best friend and I started going to the gym together. We made a pact to go and keep each other accountable. It was the same thing I'd promised myself every year for the last 5 or so, but this time I had a friend to keep me going. We schlepped along together for several months.
Then in the spring/summer of 2007 my life kind of fell apart. I'm not going to go into details, but I lost some dear friends (who turned out to be not friends), my husband and I separated, I lost a business, etc., etc., etc. Seriously it's the closest I've ever been to understanding why people commit suicide.
I started going to counseling, but even so, during that time I simply stopped eating. I couldn't eat. I threw up from stress every time I tried. Which, believe me, was a first ever for me. Usually I get stressed, I eat. But this was so far beyond stress that I wasn't able to handle it.
BUT. The one thing I did ... and to this day I don't know why ... is I kept working with my trainer. And somehow I managed to choke down enough food to stay healthy and avoid drowning my sorrows in alcohol (which is a pattern in my family). And my trainer pushed me harder than I've ever been pushed before and I lived for those sessions jsut to make the pain of my life go away.
In Nov/Dec of 2007, things seemed to fall back into place. The pain of everything was less, I met my current guy, and I began to be at peace with where I was. At that point I'd lost 40 lbs and I realized that I was a stronger person that I ever thought I was ... and for me that was the realization that I *can* do this.
And ever since then, it's been ... I won't call it easy ... because it never is. But it's been easier. I think because I never want to go back to where I was at the lowest point in my life ever - and for me being 240 lbs will always be associated with the time that my entire world blew up and resettled.
So for me there never was a straw as such. There was just a total realignment of my entire universe ... over a period of months.
And now, even though I thought I'd ever live through it at the time, I thank God for the strength it gave me. I know now that I can endure anything.
The first time I realized I SHOULD do something about my weight was also at a doctor's office...I had to get my medical records for a condition I was going to a specialist for. I was reading them over, and the doctor was writing the results of my physical exam. At this point, we couldn't figure out what was wrong with me, so getting good medical advice based on as much good information as possible was crucial.
My chart read: "Physical findings: Difficult to palpate secondary to obesity". Meaning "we can't really feel what we need to in order to get the information we need". My fat was literally preventing me from getting the medical information I needed.
It took me several years, and a very vanity-focused reason, to actually do something, which still makes me sad and angry at my previous self.
Plantar Fasciitis. Alot of people probably know what I'm talking about since I know at least 3 people at work (all overweight) with the condition. There were times when it was hard to walk. My boss kept telling me to go to the doctor but I knew what she would say ... so instead of wasting my doc's time and mine I started this path.
20 pounds into my weight loss the pain was almost entirely gone.
For me, it was a series of awakenings. Fall 2006--moving across the country from Illinois and all our old friends and family. I saw all the pics from my several going away events, and was shocked at my multiple chins, very round face, baggy clothes.
Fall 2007, friends came out to visit us in CA, and we took several pics--again, I looked huge. At the gym, Oct. 2007, I took BP with the trainer--kinda high! (like 155 over 90). Uh oh, maybe I'm gonna need BP meds? MY dad, one brother and one sister has been on them, mostly due to their weight, was I going to go that route?
Starting to do workouts with trainer--such poor cardio! Really it is still not that good, but much better than it was. Could barely run a minute on TM before stopping or walking. Now up to 6 minutes at a pretty good pace (for me) level 6.
Started to swim November 2007--each length is 25 yards. I had to stop 2 times before I made it across. Now I can go 4 lengths before a 20 second pause.
And also, last fall, my "fat" clothes were getting too tight. Some of them size 18, some XXL, and a lot of these from Old Navy, the most generous of retailers! I was NOT going to go to a size 20.
So a long, slow realization that this had to stop, I had to change. I did fall off the wagon in February until May, so am working to re-lose the 12 pounds or so I gained back of the 30 or so I had lost. But that's why also I am on 3FC this time--for more motivation to hit my goals, support for my weak moments, etc.
For me, it was seeing the number 183 on the scale. I was 175 for several years, but for some reason, being in the 180's actually scared me. When I made up my mind to finally get serious, and loose the weight, my husband didn't believe me. I guess he had heard it so many times before. He told me, "I think you CAN do it, but I don't think you WILL do it." So that REALLY gave me motivation to stick with it!
Realizing that if I didn't act fast to change the course of my life, I was going to be sized-out of Lane Bryant within a year. (now I'm sized-out of most of their clothes in the OTHER direction )
Seeing 195 on my scale. I was so scared of reaching 200, I decided it was simply not an option. So I worked hard and lost 45 lbs so far.... 25 to go! I never never never want to see that 195 ever again.
Late December '07, I had spent that month in 'I desperately need to lose weight mode!' which translated to constant binging. I step on the scale and find what no longer was I 200 lbs, I was a whopping 210! I had a kind of lousy birthday (January 1st), disturbed, depressed by my reflection every time I saw it. I vividly remember having spent a near hour trying to get dressed that day; trying to find SOMETHING that didn't make me look so.. fat. I ate a big whopping plate of my birthday lasagna, a big whopping chunk of my birthday cheesecake, and the day after.. when I was working on a huge chunk of leftover lasagna for dinner... I decided that something needed to CHANGE. The next day I started calorie counting, and I've never looked back.
Falling down the stairs and really hurting my coccyx (tailbone). I was in such pain for a long time. I remember lying on my tummy in my bed, hurting to move (and not move) and thinking "Is this what my future holds for me? Am I going to lose my mobility because of my weight?".
In and of itself, it wasn't enough to kickstart my weightloss, but it was one of the major factors.
The last straw
)
I had a kind of lousy birthday (January 1st), disturbed, depressed by my reflection every time I saw it. I vividly remember having spent a near hour trying to get dressed that day; trying to find SOMETHING that didn't make me look so.. fat. I ate a big whopping plate of my birthday lasagna, a big whopping chunk of my birthday cheesecake, and the day after.. when I was working on a huge chunk of leftover lasagna for dinner... I decided that something needed to CHANGE. The next day I started calorie counting, and I've never looked back.
