I've always had VERY poor body image. Very poor. To this day, despite losing a lot of weight and being very active, although my self-esteem has improved, I still consider myself not just fat, but also ugly; an unattractive young woman. I've always felt I was ugly, even when I was a kid. In fact, I remember, even before I began to attend school, being around 3 years old and in my cousin's pool; a chubby kid, but not unusual by any means, and just thinking I was the most hideous creature in the world. It has kept me from living what I would consider a normal, full adolescence, because I was so shy and I hated myself.
Too much self-esteem is rarely a problem for overweight people and even among people who have a lot of self-esteem, that certainly doesn't keep the person fat. Maybe self-esteem helps heavy people get the things they want in life DESPITE being fat (i.e. bc they consider themselves beautiful even at a large size, they project that confidence and find marriage partners, lots of friends, have fun, successful careers, etc.), but it doesn't encourage them to stay heavy... at least not in my view/experience. Part of losing weight is deciding "Hey, I'm WORTH all this hard work and I'm WORTH being happy" etc.
And yes, low self-esteem is a weight problem's best friend, when a person think their own life is worth less than the taste of a French fry...
Quote:
Originally Posted by kaplods
This thread caught my eye again today, and I guess I'm in a cranky mood today (because I certainly didn't interpret it this way the many times I've read it as it's developed), because the first thing that popped into my crabby mind was
Yeah, we all know the problem with fat people is we all think we're supermodels, and you know we'd all lose weight if we just hated ourselves a little more.
Ok, I guess I have a sarcasm bug up my butt today
I really don't mean it as a criticism of the original post or any of the posts, it's just struck how much I haven't done in my life because I didn't think I was good enough, or was afraid others would think I wasn't good enough. Even in kindergarten, I didn't play on the monkey bars because I thought, as a fat kid, I would look silly.
It was a crazy thought as a five year old, and it's just as silly a thought as a 42 year old woman when I hesitate to get on a bicycle, or think everyone is watching me as I take my walk around the neighborhood, or get into the therapy pool (even though all of the other swimmers, if not fat; are old, scarred, and/or physically disabled in some way).
I don't think self-esteem keeps many, if any people fat. Though the reverse is often true. Low self-esteem is a guaranteed diet buster.
Got a little wound up there, and I'm starting to calm down. But I wanted to add that there's no reason for anyone without a rare metabolic or endocrine disorder (which can cause an unusual amount and odor of perspiration) to smell bad. Any obese (or non-obese) person who is able to walk and dress themselves can have good (and independent) personal hygeine. Reach and flexibility issues are common in people of all sizes, and there are many companies who have recognized this need and provide products that make good hygeine easier.
"Ample Stuff" is a print and online catalog that offers many of these products especially for the obese customer, but many wonderful catalogs exist that specialize in products for the elderly, disabled, and obese.
I have found some obese people to be very attractive, and others not. I don't think "attractive" or "repulsive" is the issue, nor should it be.
I'll just tell one story. I had a very, very dear friend... she was obese, maybe even morbidly obese. At any rate, tall and heavy. She never lacked for lovers! She struggled a lot with her weight, though, and on more than one occasion I saw her hurt by the thoughtless remarks of others, usually strangers.
But as time went on, her life got more difficult--not because of her weight, but other issues in her life. Then one day, things started to go wrong physically... she went to the hospital... they treated and released her... but things still were not right... she went back... she was in crisis... Basically, her blood started clotting and they couldn't get it to stop. They resorted to emergency surgery. She never regained consciousness and died.
She was 51 years old.
The doctors said it was complications from untreated diabetes.
Oh, she knew she had diabetes. But, she didn't lose weight, and she didn't monitor it. I don't think she realized how serious things were getting. She wasn't feeling sick...
I think of her often, and I miss her. I sure wish things had gone differently...
So lovely people, please do what you can to care for your health. Image, good or bad, it's not so important as health.
Got a little wound up there, and I'm starting to calm down. But I wanted to add that there's no reason for anyone without a rare metabolic or endocrine disorder (which can cause an unusual amount and odor of perspiration) to smell bad. Any obese (or non-obese) person who is able to walk and dress themselves can have good (and independent) personal hygiene. Reach and flexibility issues are common in people of all sizes, and there are many companies who have recognized this need and provide products that make good hygiene easier.
"Ample Stuff" is a print and online catalog that offers many of these products especially for the obese customer, but many wonderful catalogs exist that specialize in products for the elderly, disabled, and obese.
Don't suffer in silence.
Sorry to get you wound up Kaplods. I was simply stating my experience and oppenion as a morbidly obese woman...a situation I knowingly got myself into one bite at a time. Hygiene was a problem for me, and I hated every second of it. It gave ME very low self esteem and being educated and/or accomplished didn't change the fact. I'm sure there are many smelly people out there who have great self esteem...I'm just not one of them and since I have never been one of them, I don't understand how they do it. Just as I don't understand how some people can eat all they want and never gain weight.
I should have worded my post differently. Sometimes the words "In my humble oppenion" and "me & I" doesn't always make it clear that I was talking about myself. Sorry to offend you.
I should have just simply answered the question: Any other fatties have a good body image? - No, not me
I understand where you're coming from, I really do. It just saddens me that the attitude is still so common. It is not only ok to hate and despise fat people, and even pressure them into hating themselves - it is tolerated, accepted and even encouraged, for all sorts of "reasons" that have no basis in fact.
No fat person has to be a smelly person. At nearly 400 lbs, I didn't smell. Deluding myself, you might think, but no, it would have been brought to my bosses attention, and then to mine. I know this because I worked in cubicle land for State Farm Insurance, a company very proud of its corporate image and I knew of employees who were called on their grooming - body odor, inappropriate attire, faillure to keep facial hair and hairstyles within the corporate guidelines, wearing SHOES that didn't fit the employee dress code.
In my experience, poor hygeine, at least in a person who once had good hygeine, is most often a sign of depression.
Yes, I ate my way to my size. I made mistakes, but I don't need to hate myself or anyone else for making mistakes. Making poor food choices did not make me an idiot or a fool or detract from all of the good choices and decisions I made in my life. In fact, I excelled in all areas of my life except losing weight. Working full time while getting my masters' degree, great jobs, great friends, great relationships. Never used illegal substances, didn't smoke, rarely drank, volunteered for great organizations.
If anything, my biggest mistake in not taking care of myself as well as I took care of others, was in thinking that I had to compensate for being fat. I "owed" it to everyone to prove I wasn't stupid and lazy (because all fat people are, don't you know?) I'm not sure it was really a lack of self-esteem, because I always took pride in my accomplishments, it just was never enough to counteract the negative stereoypes society has towards fat people.
I know so many people believe that a fat person cannot be healthy, and I'm not going to argue that here, but it was only when I stopped worrying about the weight, and started worrying about ME, my mental and physical health, that I was able to get healthier, and in the process lose some weight. An unintentional byproduct at first, but when weight loss wasn't the only focus, it just made it a surprise bonus. Ironically, trying to lose weight was less effective for me as a weight loss tool than trying to become healthier and let the weight take care of itself.
Fat people do not have to hate themselves in order to lose weight. For me, and I know many others it is intensely counterproductive and only results in yoyo dieting and lower self-esteem. Knowing that you are worth the effort, THAT is a powerful thing.
I have a lousy body image - always have, probably always will...I'm pretty resigned to that at this point. Now, for the first time, I have embarked on a "diet" to improve my health - NOT to improve my looks. I've recognized that I will sabotage myself every single time if I rely on my body image as my motivator - I don't like myself at 120 or at 175...doesn't matter. BUT I am healthier at 120 than I am at 175 - SO - there you go! I applaud women of all sizes who have a healthy body image - I'm envious too....
I agree with you somewhat. However, I applaud those of you that have a tremendous amount of self esteem. If you know you are beautiful you would exude beauty. I've seen many small women who are not beautiful whether celebrities or on the streets, have a positive self image and exude beauty or are percieved as beautiful by the manner in which they carry themselves.
I have a friend that has two obese children. Both were obese at birth. One daughter is 15 years old and weighs about 220 and the youngest is 9 and weighs about 150. Both girls are beautiful and have high self esteem. The oldest girl is borderline vane.
So with hygiene is concern, eveyone have a different body chemistry. I find at my weight in the summer I use anti-perspirant spray to combat getting sweaty in the creases.
We all should have a positive self image, dont we deserve one....
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