I am getting worried that when I am under extreme emotional stress I might flip out and binge. I am really worried. I am most afraid, not of a one-day flip out, but of going off the deep end back to fat-person mentality where I used to binge to ease my emotions. Does this ever stop??
I have my culposcopy and biopsies tomorrow morning and I am already just on the edge. I thought several times today about going out and buying junk and just eating, but I didn't do it. I think I am still going to stay in my calorie range for today. It's also my "day off" from bike riding but I am seriously considering riding anyway for stress relief purposes...
I keep thinking about how I will handle tomorrow AFTER the procedures. I don't think I have ever had to handle anything like this before without food as my support. When I think back to other very stressful, scary things in my life, I always went afterwards and soothed myself with food. Always. Ate and ate and ate until I was numb and could handle it. I have had some rough moments in the last year but this takes the cake. I am a basket case about it and I fear I will walk right out of that clinic and into the nearest bakery or burger joint and eat for the rest of the day.
I guess I am scared, more than anything. Scared of the procedures, the diagnosis, the cancer risk, scared of dying or scared of getting fat again...
There has to be some better way to handle this than overeating.
I think that fear is a natural good thing and it will help you prevent yourself from putting weight back on. You know where you went wrong last time and why you ate, but did it really help you? Try coping with your feelings in a different way... exercise, create art... read a good book that will distract you.
I hope everything turns out well for you Lyn Don't worry too much though, I'm sure everything will be just fine
I know living in fear sucks...but I also think that if you get comfortable and aren't a little scared, you may slip. This isn't to say I don't think you have will power, I'm just saying that a little fear is a good motivator and supporter. I just don't know how to tell you to level it off and not have it be paralyzing.
Just sending -- I'm am an extremely emotional eater and unfortunately I am still working on ways to cope with problems without stuffing them with food -- I have noticed the emotions are much more raw now that I don't binge, but I've tried my best to work through them.
You have a lot going on to deal with -- just remember the food/binge will not make the problems go away, just adds another one to it.
To answer your question, yes, it does get easier after awhile. You're consciously working on changing your reactions to stress, and recognizing the urge to binge is a huge step toward that. Eventually those urges lessen and hopefully go away eventually. Mine have, anyway.
Lyn,
Fear is normal, but don't let it rule your life.
If you happen to binge at some point in the next couple days, move on. You are still learning how to deal with the feelings without resorting to food. It's not like an on/off switch. There are going to be times where you will eat. It's what you do afterwards that really counts.
It does get easier over time, I have the occasional binge/slip up - but they are smaller (in terms of food quantity), and I can nip them in the bud fairly quickly.
Lyn, I'll be saying special prayers for you today.
One thought that might be helpful....you can't control much of what's going on right now, but you can control how you handle the desire to comfort yourself with the food. Sieze onto that one point of control and allow yourself to be proud and strong. You can do this.
I think that fear of going back to binging comes and goes. It's because you want it so much and feel like you're a bit fragile with it now. Try to journal these feelings - put it all down on paper. It will really help.
I too get those feelings - like I will wake up one day and go into a food frenzy. But, I just plan my food everyday and nip overeating in the bud after it happens.
When humans are stressed, we need "comfort". For some that "comfort" is food, drugs, alcohol, gambling, or a myriad of other "things" that comfort us and relieve stress... Also, it is very common when we give up one form of "comfort", we either increase or start another. That's why when people quit smoking, so many start eating too much and gain weight. Often people who have weight loss surgery and can't overeat--at least for a while--start drinking. Because our psyche, our emotional health needs "comfort".
So, we need to look at this objectively. You've given up something that gives you comfort. Not eating and suffering will just continue until you find something to replace the comfort you receive from eating with something else.
Okay, so what does a "comforting activity" achieve? Well, it relaxes you and gives you pleasure...sooo you have to find something that won't negatively impact your health or pocketbook that you can replace for your food "comfort". One thing I do is computer graphics. In fact, I've done it so much that I've taught myself to restore photos, make DVD slideshows and transfer films to DVD! And last year, I started my own home business to do those things--and it's slowly building!
I used to even keep my laptop on my lap while I'll watched TV so I could work on it there instead of nibbling while I watched TV....(but my house was burgled and my laptop stolen last year. )
Anyway--what I'm saying is--instead of trying to fight the need emotionally, try to find something else that will fill the emotional "need and comfort" that food used to fill. But a hint here--it has to be something that you'll be "proud" of and that will "fill" you with pleasure....
And I hope that everything is well with you and that this is just a little bump in the road...
Thank you everyone for the well wishes and good thoughts and suggestions.
The whole thing sucked and they told me the "area in question" is too large to remove today. So they wanted to schedule me for a MONTH from now to have it surgically removed. After my insistance that I couldnt wait another month they scheduled me for this Thursday. They said there is a 99% cure rate after excision. So that's good.
I did not flip out. Gaia, I liked your post about comfort. I am going to have to find some new comforts, for sure. Maybe I did in a way. After I got outta there I went to the park and took a walk and then just sat on a bench in the quiet for awhile until I felt better. And I will blog about it later... thats a good way for me to deal with my feelings instead of stuffing them.
I'm so glad you aren't going to have to wait one month. That is a lot of anxiety you don't really need!
Good job on not comforting with food when you returned home. I am finding this process a tough one as well, but hopefully it gets easier for all of us.
Glad you were able to get this done early! I can't believe that the doctors had the NERVE to even suggest a wait! I'll bet they wouldn't have done that if it had been their daughter!! GRRR sometimes, I think that "common sense" has totally died and been buried in this country!
Fear of flipping out
Don't worry too much though, I'm sure everything will be just fine 
)