[Fairy Sarah]

I need some advice girls!

Me and my boy live a while away from each other - he flats with people who eat crap! Seriously, takeaways most nights. I live about 2 hours drive away in the city, and we don't see each other that often, but it's ok!

Anyway, when Im not here he finds it really hard to eat well and as he has a new sedentry job he has been finding himself gaining weight, he is 6"2 and 200 pounds, so obviously not that bad, but when I met him he was about 170- 20 pounds is alot to gain in 2 years.

His flatmate struggles with her weight, and often comments on things I eat, foods he eats, saying he only eats them cas "they are Sarah's fatfree foods" but I know deep down, he like healthy food, and enjoys being healthy.

It really upsets me, him being so far away from me, I just want to cook for him, run with him, and help both of us get in the best shape ever! But it's so hard for him....

At first I was worried that I coudlnt MAKE him lose weight, but now he has admitted he wants to get into wicked shape - I want to make it as easy as possible for him!

Anything you reckon I can do for him?

I know you will all have brilliant ideas

xoxo

[weegreenlassie]

This may not be the most reassuring post, but I'm going through the same thing with my boyfriend--but I live with him!
He keeps saying how unhappy he is since he gained a little weight, and how much he wants to lose it... but he refuses to eat vegetables, if I buy fruit, his share is wasted, and when we eat out, it's burgers, onion rings and fries!

I've sort of given up and am letting him figure it out for himself... if he sees me being successful and wants to emulate some of my behaviors, he knows where to find the info! I don't hide my food journal, and I'm always willing to cook for him!

He's been pretty good about being more active--he's asking me to go on walks with him every day, which I like! But I feel like he needs more... (though, I'm going to leave that up to him to judge..)

I guess, after helping him through WW a couple years ago, I'm just going to let him hit his "freakout weight". I mean, most of us have experienced that "AHH! I WEIGH WHAT??!?!?" moment, and it helps kickstart this awesome journey that we're all documenting here! Maybe these boys in our lives just need the same thing. (Because I know that if I'm caught 5 lbs too early, I don't want to listen to anyone helping me out with my weight issues...)

So-- After all that, I guess all I can advise you to do is be supportive and loving while he goes through everything. He'll eventually have to stand up to his mates and say that he doesn't want to eat what they're eating that night because he's making healthier choices. Then, whenever you can, cook meals (even together!), and be active together-- to prove your commitment to helping him when he needs it!

(hope this made sense!! It's late here )

[mayness]

My husband is very lazy when it comes to food... he'd happily eat fast food every day just so he wouldn't have to cook anything. To keep him eating decently when I'm not around (and his friends are calling him up to go get burritos for dinner ) I have to buy or make healthy-ish convenience foods. Bags of salad, pre-grilled chicken, whole wheat bread and low-fat meats for sandwiches, tuna and light mayo, cans of healthy soup, fruit, yogurt. Having lots of leftovers around for him to eat helps, too.

Maybe you can go shopping with him a few times and point out foods that would be really simple for him to prepare, but a lot healthier (and probably cheaper) than buying food out almost every day. Or, help him find recipes that he can cook a lot of one day and break them up into single servings that he can eat throughout the week.

As for the exercise... I have no idea how to help him, other than giving lots and lots of praise when he does go out and do something active. Does he want to join a gym? You could offer to help him look around for them or find out about rates.

Best of luck. It might just be your love and support, and good example, that will get him motivated!

[Feral]

Depending on how often you see him (i.e. once a week) you guys could always go shopping together and cook dinners for the week. My aunt and uncle used to cook their meals for a whole week on the weekends. It makes it a lot easier in the long run, cook everything, put it in tupperware containers and then all he has to do is heat it up and eat.

[Lovely]

You can only really control what you keep at your place. And when he comes to visit making the foods you eat be the option he has. You can be a supportive voice, but what he eats when he's at his own place & job is honestly up to him. Even if you did live with him, you wouldn't be able to make him eat what you know he should.

But, when you go to visit him, go food shopping with him. Help him choose his groceries for the week. He'll have to decide whether or not to resist the takeout that his roomies buy.

[BrandNewJen]

"20 pounds is a lot to gain in 2 years" Yowza.

I met my hubby 6 years ago at 215lbs. When he proposed last August I weighed 291. "With comfortable love comes comfortable eating" is my saying. I lost all inhibitions about eating and matched what he ate piece by piece. 80 pounds in 5 years I gained with him.

I dieted down to 265 for my wedding last May. And since then?

I shot up to 302.4 in 7 months after my wedding. Just because life got "comfortable" with marriage. So I gained almost 40 pounds in SEVEN MONTHS. Gaining weight is mega easy. It's the losing that's hard!

[leela0730]

My hubby is the same way....he's not THAT overweight, but out of shape. I'm not concerned at all with his appearance...he carries his weight well...but I am very concerned about his internal health, and his muscle tone.

We have had arguments over MILK!! I refuse to buy whole milk, and he swears whole milk is the healthiest thing on the planet. So we don't talk about milk anymore...I just buy 1% for myself, and he gets his half & half for his coffee.

He has said he's interested in getting healthy, but not in any way that goes by accepted dietary guidlines---he has rather crazy ideas about eating Ramen noodles 2 meals a day and losing weight, and chewing on dried seaweed, etc. Nothing about eating more fruits and veggies/cutting out high-fat dairy/etc. He thinks I'm "being silly" when I say that whole milk isn't the greatest for large quantity-drinking, or that two eggs and toast with butter every day for breakfast might not be the healthiest option.

Basically, I have given up attempting to "recruit" him. Like weegreenlassie said...he'll have to figure it out on his own. I'm focusing on my own plan and hoping he will eventually reach a point of self-realization. We can't force them to change, no matter how much we might wish we could!

As for suggestions for your situation, I would say what everyone else said. Help him with groceries, and maybe find something active you can do together when you see each other...hiking, biking, swimming, etc. Especially in the summer, that's a good way to get moving! If your boy is receptive to your ideas and enjoys being healthy with you, praise and support him every time he acts on that! That's awesome.

[sunflowergirl68]

I have a problem with my boyfriend too, and he's gained weight, but now he's on a diet.... but it's like an extreme diet. Yesterday he said that he had a banana for breakfast, a string cheese for lunch and 6 pieces of sushi for dinner! He just didn't get that that wasn't safe and that if he wanted to lose weight like that and keep it off he wouldn't be able to "eat normal" anymore and that he'd gain weight if he slipped up. And then he got mad. And I know that when he stops this diet, he's going to gain weight again and complain.

I encouraged him to just cut back and not eat so little. He doesn't really believe me that you can lose weight if you just cut back the portions, like having a half-sandwich instead of a whole sandwich. Or a small bowl of pasta and no seconds.

[orthodiva]

Fairy, I totally understand, I am going through the same thing! I live a 2 hour flight from my boyfriend, so I also don't see him too often. He could probably stand to lose about 20 lbs, although he doesn't think so. He eats ok on weekdays but is out of control on weekends and doesn't really understand healthy vs. convenience. The only things I've been able to do to help convert him a little from buying unhealthy convenient things (frozen fish sticks) to buying better things (fresh fish) is dragging him shopping, showing him what is out there, and buying it so we can eat together when I visit. For example, this past weekend I bought some fresh pineapple on Saturday and he couldn't believe how good it was. He loves pineapple to the point where he eats one of those pre-packaged cups every day but never thought to look at what fresh pineapple looks and tastes like! The next day at the grocery store, he put a container of fresh pineapple in the shopping cart for himself for the rest of the week. Mission accomplished!

Since you are only 2 hours from him, I like the idea of spending some time over the weekend shopping and cooking with him, and then portioning things off for the week so he turns to the tupperware rather than the take-out when he gets home. Try to show him how to cook some easy healthy things too like veggie/meat stir-fries and microwaved veggies with seasonings.