Eating crap when I get compliments: Self sabotage anyone? - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

valpal23 · 03-26-2008, 05:24 PM

I dont usually start threads... but here goes.

Anybody struggle with self sabotage in the way that.... people start noticing your appearance and complimenting etc... so you stop following plan closely.. or give yourself more treats. Basically.. let loose.

Now that I've started I'm pretty sure I've seen threads around mentioning this. I'm struggling with realizing I look a lot better (yeah I'm still 239 lbs... but 5'10"... I'll be 'overweight' at 208lbs!)

It's like instant block. I feel/look good - then I stuff my face everyday. Then I feel horrible and wonder why I cant just deal with feeling good? I think I was able to avoid this trap up to this point because I silently disagreed with all the people. My perception of myself is getting better and I basically dont know how to deal with it. I think self loathing has helped me get this far.

What do people that go through this DO?! I'm not going to give up or anything -- it just bugs me that I went a week without realizing why I was doing this!!

bigtxmomma · 03-26-2008, 05:52 PM

Oh wow, I'm totally the same way. I feel disgusted and hateful of myself when people compliment me and say how good I look after I lose weight. It is a horrendous compliment, because the implication is that you didn't look good before. I mean, what is it that makes people think it's socially acceptable to compliment someone after they've lost weight? It's like in their head they're saying, "Wow, I'm glad you lost weight and look like one of us. I feel more comfortable now." I think people tend to think that you somehow WANT them to compliment your appearance.

I'm overweight because of years of self loathing and not wanting people to notice me. It's safe to be fat and not have people check you out. When they do, it's scary and you revert back to your old habits. It's a vulnerable position to be in, I think. =/

onelife2live · 03-26-2008, 05:52 PM

Yes, I find that I do this ALOT. It's interesting when you see yourself and the patterns that you constantly go through. I think its a mind thing. I was on my way to McDonalds (meaning getting dressed to LEAVE the house to go) and my six year old had to talk some sense in me. (for more on that, visit my blog at 3fatchicks.com/diet-blogs/kiki)

I think one of the key factors in stopping yourself is going back to look at your goals. It's very smart to keep them handy. In your purse, on the fridge etc. Yes, it's nice to lose 5 lbs, but what if the goal is to lose 25 lbs? That means looking at the larger number and realizing that you still have a ways to go. And if you do happen to mess up don't mess up the entire day. For lunch I fixed fried potatoes and cheesey eggs. No point in eating heavy carbs at dinner because I already got my fix in early. Why in the world McDonalds even crossed my mind I couldn't tell you.

Anyways, I don't want to talk you to death, but I hope my pointers helped you a little. Also, having a good support system is really going to help you stay on track better. In fact, that's the title of my last post I just wrote.

All the best to you.

-K

MamaToTomAndAlex · 03-26-2008, 06:20 PM

I am right there with you. It happens to me about every 15-20lbs. My husband is sooooo supportive that he's always going on and on about how good I look... so much so that I feel great ..... so I'm done, right? ARGH!!!!! I'm not even halfway there yet. I have 100lbs to lose and I'm down 40 right now.

I'm not helping much, am I? I'm having a really hard time staying on the wagon at the moment from the exact same problem.... so I just wanted to say... I hear you... I understand.... I'm reading your responses eagerly!

fiberlover · 03-26-2008, 06:46 PM

You may just have to let the compliments roll off your back. Just say thank you and move on.
Be positive with yourself. Tell yourself affirmations each day in the mirror. I know it sounds corny, but just try it. The more positive energy you send yourself, the more it attracts.

And you are doing great, btw

pipernoswiper · 03-26-2008, 07:01 PM

maybe this is something i need to take up with my shrink, i don't know, but since this is sorta on the subject here, i'm gonna toss this out. when a woman compliments me on my weightloss so far, i feel wonderful and it inspires me to keep going.
but let a man say something, and it makes me soooo uncomfortable, makes me want to shove food in my face. i've noticed the only exception thus far is my husband, i love his compliments. but let me tell ya, a long time friend called me "baby" the other day. his exact words were looking good baby. and i know he was just being nice but i didn't like it and it made me uncomfortable to the point that i had to stop myself in front of the fridge. i don't know, like i said maybe i need to take this one up with the shrink lol!

betty grrl · 03-26-2008, 07:20 PM

I am the same way! When someone gives me a compliment I seem to shrug it off and EAT!! But also with me, I seem to quit if too many people know I'm on program and trying to lose weight. It's almost like they are the food and scale police! This time around only 5 people know I'm trying~and I've for-warned them NOT too ask me how much I've lost because if I want them to know I'll tell them. Plus, if someone asks me if I've lost anything I'm gonna simply say~I think I may have lost a few pounds (but that's it!!!). I'm not gonna say anything else (I'll try to change the subject tee hee).

janet1105 · 03-26-2008, 07:22 PM

I started gaining a lot of my weight back when others were giving me compliments and gossipping about me behind my back. I felt very uncomfortable with that kind of attention and think that I subconsiously eat unhealthy as a result.

I too feel really awkward when people tell you how much better you look or how great you look when you lose weight. It IS as if they were judging me beforehand. I know I shouldn't take it so hard, but I always do and end up sabotaging myself. I gained 50lbs in a little over 2 years

You would think compliments would help with your self esteem - but for me, it sometimes does the opposite.

Nikki_20216 · 03-26-2008, 08:26 PM

I know EXACTLY how you feel and I HATE it!
I'll be like, "Whoa! I've been REALLY good! This extra piece of chocolate is just a small 'reward'." Then WHOOSH, here comes the weight.

Lyn2007 · 03-26-2008, 09:16 PM

Wow, I never thought about this before. Sometimes when I see someone I know who has lost weight, I do say they look great. I never thought it might be hurtful to them. I will have to rethink that! I dont want to sabotage anyone.

I always thought of it like, "Wow I like your new haircut!"... it doesnt mean the old haircut looked bad. But more people than I thought might take compliments differently than theyre meant.

I personally thrive on compliments... but don't get enough! DH does not even notice. Or maybe he does, and that's why he leaves bags of chips for me when he goes out on business trips.

valpal23 · 03-26-2008, 09:37 PM

thanks everyone for your responses everyone I definitly feel less crazy!

I am going to look up some affirmations and get going on that - and keep on keepin on. I do want to change as much as this behaviour BEFORE I get to my goal.

LaurieDawn · 03-27-2008, 01:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lyn2007

Wow, I never thought about this before. Sometimes when I see someone I know who has lost weight, I do say they look great. I never thought it might be hurtful to them. I will have to rethink that! I dont want to sabotage anyone.

I, too, thrive on compliments. I say - if you notice someone seeming uncomfortable with the compliments, stop. But if you don't, I think you should give them liberally. I love it when people say how great I look, and I think a lot of people are the same way.

Healthy Mama · 03-27-2008, 01:43 AM

Yep. I'm with you. I have real issues with certain people - some I have no problems with the compliments - but for some reason my in-laws...I have always felt really judged by them because of the weight so I sort of feel uncomfortable now that I am losing weight. (WTH??) Even writing this down it doesn't make sense, I just know how I FEEL. When ever they say anything I just say "thanks - the weight training is going really well" but I refuse to say I am on a diet and feel really defiant about food choices around them - Grr.

gr8smyl99 · 03-27-2008, 07:34 AM

Here's a thought..... maybe we need to be doing this for ourselves, and not for the compliments of others. Instead, ask, "What do I think? How do I feel?" If we're more in tune to our own opinions, then maybe other people's opinions won't throw us so much - either good or bad.

Or is that way too deep for 7:30 am (hahahaha!)

chunkydunkin · 03-27-2008, 06:47 PM

I think it's an emotional eater kind of thing for me. I want to eat when I'm happy, I want to eat when I'm mad, or sad...or successful or unsuccessful... to celebrate or grieve...The compliment makes me happy, and I never really thought about what it meant I looked like before, but I do find myself turning to the junk food soon thereafter. Interesting point!