Ashamed: Low Down Dirty Dog - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

Reddalice · 03-24-2008, 05:02 AM

I will say this. I have never, it all of my short years, had felt ashamed of my body. Disgusted, yes, sad, yes, angry, yes... ashamed... no. Not until last night. Since I lost my first chuck of weight I haven't had to undergo verbal abuse over my size and I most days just feel average. Yesterday, however, I had a terrible experience with a patient. He focused in on me out of a group of seven and began to grill me about my weight. "I wouldn't take a fat b**** like you's advice, all those fat cells hanging off your *** probably dripped from your brain with all you use it." Etc. Etc. It was like he could see my insecurities ands just gouged them. I've got a thick skin that working in this type of environment grows, but there was something about this guy and being in front of those I care about that really hurt. When I got home Easter Morning and was hungry, I couldn't bring myself to eat. I was embarassed to be hungry and I was all alone while my partner showered. No big deal, right? Save for after I woke up nine hours later, I still felt the same and my appetite abated while I thought about it. It has really stuck with me, I'm ashamed to get dressed and leave my house. I'm embarassed at times I have never felt embarassment before. I feel scrutinized. Like a fish in a bowl. That guy? He'll be back, whether I'm ready or not, and there will be others like him. Is truths are not mine. And yet... I know I should turn the other cheek, but I'm still hurt.

Thanks for listening, chicks.

LaurieDawn · 03-24-2008, 05:48 AM

I'm so sorry you had to deal with that man. You know, and I know you know, that what he thinks has nothing to do with who you are or what you look like. If you weighed 150 pounds, he would probably say the same things about how fat you were. If you weighed 97 pounds, he would talk about how malnourished you were. If Gisele Bundchen were there, he would likely complain to her about her hair color or some other imagined flaw.

So, good for you for venting here and letting us tell you how incredibly wonderful you really are. Losing weight is hard for anyone. Being overweight is also hard, too. But how wonderful has your body been to you through the years? I know mine has borne children, allowed me to work 48 hours straight when I needed to, etc., etc., etc. I know it's hard, but I hope you will get his ugly voice out of your head. You deserve to be proud of your body and of yourself.

Beverlyjoy · 03-24-2008, 07:09 AM

I am so, so sorry that this happened.

I agree with Laurie Dawn - he would have found something else to "rip" on you. I think that people that do that are so insecure that they must put down others to elevate themselves.

You are doing so, so well - wonderfully well - & you should be proud.

If possible - try to be "teflon" and let those untrue mean words slide right off of you.

Consider the source - if you can.

Lovely · 03-24-2008, 07:14 AM

What an awful, angry, unintelligent man. I pity him. What a sad, miserable, unfulfilling little life he probably lives.

Please do not let someone as lowly as he determine what you do during your days. You're so much more than that. You're so much better than that.

I'm sorry you were hurt by his words.

I don't know if you should turn the other cheek so much as you should act completely uninterested in what he has to say. Yawn as he speaks. Eyes glazed over, merely waiting for him to close his mouth, so that you can get your job done.

JayEll · 03-24-2008, 07:19 AM

I don't know what kind of environment you work in--are your patients mentally ill? Either way, Some people instinctively know how to hurt others. This one got to you. It's as though he shot you--you have to get that "bullet" out of there.

Try actively visualizing all his unkind words as some object that you then, in your mind, pluck out and throw into the ocean. Or something that an imaginary, helpful bird comes and carries away. You may have had to "take" his words without reacting, but you don't have to "keep" them.

Jay

GirlyGirlSebas · 03-24-2008, 07:36 AM

I am so sorry that you were subjected to the venom from this viper. Please, don't allow these horrible words to define who you are. You are so much more than he will ever be able to understand or appreciate. Please don't give him the credit of impacting your life. He's not worth another second of your thoughts.

missingmyerica · 03-24-2008, 07:51 AM

Your post really hit home with me because I'm a nurse and I KNOW the abuse that people in health care have to take on a daily basis.

Today I am taking my sister (who is a PACU nurse) to have surgery on her hand today because a patient grabbed onto her and wouldn't let go. It took 5 people to get this guy to let go of her.

My heart aches for you, because I can totally understand how you are feeling. I don't have any words of wisdom to help you heal from this....all I can say is that in time those words won't cut so deep, but I know you will never forget this experience.

Just know that it isn't YOU. These types of people are just ignorant A$$&*()'s.
I've had patients call me all kinds of things and it hurts no matter if they are "with it" or have dementia. I've had patient's tell me that they don't want that "colored" nurse taking care of them anymore...speaking about one of my co-workers and friends! Sometimes I can't believe how ignorant people are.

Working in healthcare has become such a nightmare and I don't think people realize the type of abuse we take. Again, I am SO sorry you are going through this and I wish I could give you a hug.

You are so much more than the way this guy is making you feel. I think you're amazing!

cmakela · 03-24-2008, 08:19 AM

Talking about your horrid experience will help you to put it out of your life. This man is pitiful. He thinks by being cruel he will look important in the eyes of others. The reality is, the people who were around you when this happened likely looked at him in disgust and disbelief. No one likes to be around people like him. He's desperately trying to gain approval and acceptance and thinks this is the way to do it. Wrong. You are one of the very special people. It takes a very special person to care deeply about others and to work with the needs of others. I don't think you need to turn the other cheek. Hold you head up high. There's lots of us supporting you. I am very thankful for all the caring people who've helped me through the various challenges I've encountered in my life.

fiberlover · 03-24-2008, 08:21 AM

Your post made me want to cry. {{{{{hugs}}}}. This person has a lot more problems than you have, and it probably wasn't really directed at you as a person, but as an object. It sounds as though this person has a lot of self loathing, and is projecting it outward.
That said, it doesn't take away the hurt.
And I have to commend you for not diving into the food after this, you are very strong - just know that!

And you are doing great! Don't let anyone outside of yourself sway you from what you are doing.

sarahdafiregal · 03-24-2008, 08:59 AM

So sorry that you had to be subject to that awful man's verbal abuse. In the grand scope of things, and I know it's hard, try to remember that he doesn't matter. You have more people who love you and think you're awesome. You've lost a lot of weight and you should be proud of that. You should also be proud that you didn't let this man's verbal tirades turn you towards food. That's what I probably would've done...along with crying while he was doing it.

bargoo · 03-24-2008, 09:05 AM

What a cruel, rude , ignorant , vile comment. Do not give this despicable person power over you. You can rise above this, while he is stuck being a jerk.

mezmerize · 03-24-2008, 09:31 AM

The very 1st time I was ever teased. I ran to my mom and told her the mean words that were said to me on at school. She told me if someone wants to say something mean they will find it. No one knows you better than yourself. I see a beauiful girl that has now found out how horrible others can be. You can't let them define you. You know who you are.

tingirl · 03-24-2008, 09:39 AM

I'm so sorry you had to deal with such a rude, ignorant man! I know it is very hard not to take his comments to heart, but don't. They had nothing to do with you. He has issues and he just directed his anger at you. I agree with bargoo - do not let him have power over you! You are doing great! Think about the positive and just let the negative roll away!

Keep up the awesome work!

winning the war · 03-24-2008, 09:47 AM

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. The blessing is, you're not the one who uttered those horrible words. He will have to someday live with the way he treats people, and I'm sure you're not the 1st/last victim of his verbal outrages. Just remember, you can lose weight (as you've so clearly proven!!), he'll always be an ***! Lots of hugs your way!!

Sandi · 03-24-2008, 09:48 AM

It's hard not to let what other people say define us. But I think what everyone here has said is true. When people are being mean like that, they can find anything to pick on.

This is the time when you need to look deep in your soul and define yourself by what you think. Hold that head high. You are an awesome person. You are not defined by your weight, you are defined by your heart and your actions.