Roommates.. argh - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

newfiesara · 11-23-2006, 03:09 PM

So, my roommate and I are doing weight watchers together. She's around 275, I'm around 320, and she's "In this for good".

She is always sabotaging herself and then complaining when she isn't losing.

I'm so frustrated.

Anyone else have problem roommates that are driving them nuts?

martiniforme · 11-23-2006, 04:19 PM

I haven't had roomates in... oh, well over 5 years. I live with the fiance, who has the metabolism of a school boy!
Hmm, it's hard not to get weighed down by others' sabotaging. The best I can offer is try to support her as best you can, but remember that you have a goal as well, and to not allow her deficit to drag you down. Try to lay down good examples, and when she sees you losing, she might become more motivated. Also, try not to point out faults in her dieting or her plan, that could really cut down her enthusiasm. Try not to look at it so much as sabotaging, but more of trying to find her footing.

Good luck.

beautifulone · 11-23-2006, 04:35 PM

Sara, what about her behaviour (complaining I'm guessing) do you find frustrating?

It sounds like she really wants to lose weight but is having a hard time with it and obviously isn't content with not being able to lose it. That has to be hard, but she's the only one who can change that for herself... Would it help and would you be able to talk to her about it and explain how you are feeling?

If it's any consolation, I feel like my roommate doesn't listen well - arghhhhh. And I haven't yet learned how to communicate well enough for me to sit down and talk to her about it, I find her a little less approachable than I would like... so in the meantime, I have kept some things to myself so that I don't just burst at her or say something totally inappropriately but it is not easy! \

Hang in there!

crazynette826 · 11-25-2006, 02:50 AM

It sounds like she's just not as commited to it as you are. I had a roomate that was the same way. This was a couple of years ago. We started a diet together. I weighed about 25 pounds more than her at the time. She would go out drinking (lots!!) and partying, and the next day would complain that she didn't lose weight! Duh! I tried to just be supportive and say "I'm sorry it's not working, maybe you could mix things up and find out what does work." Meanwhile, I followed my diet, and was doing pretty well. I got down to where we were only 8 pounds apart in weight. That's when she really got down to it and started to follow the diet plan. It became kind of a competition. Which could be bad, but we both lost weight so who knows? It worked for us. She just had to be commited to it, and nothing I could have said would have made her be more commited. People have to do that on their own. It's the only way it works!

KnitALisa · 11-25-2006, 10:34 AM

Ugh, I feel yah on the problem roommates.

I don't have a roomie now, but I had two roommates from HADES. My first, especially, was evil, I swear!!

She weighed maybe 110, sopping wet with clothes on, and constantly complained about how fat she was. It was like damn girl, if you're fat than I'm a freakin' heifer!! Shush! I wanted to

and

her so badly.

I guess the best advice I can give you is tune her out, to the best of your abilites. Focus on you; she'll figure it out (or not) when she's ready.

newfiesara · 11-25-2006, 12:55 PM

Thanks, I'm going to hang in there.

We talked briefly about buying our groceries together, and then when we went to the market (to get fresh fruits and veggies, organic, even, some of it!) and she said: "I don't think I would like organic stuff"

She also thinks that her buying all of her own food and actually making meals (instead of eating out like she does 3x/day) that she would spend way more.

*sigh* I guess I just need to filter out her b.s.

beautifulone · 11-25-2006, 05:47 PM

Sara, that's even a little funny

it doesn't make much sense to me rationally, but I guess we all learn from our own decisions and she will find out what works and doesn't work for her.

Try not to let her bring you down or off-track. And since she hasn't been losing doing what she's doing, she probably won't lose unless she changes something. Maybe if she sees your hard work manifest in weight loss, she'll be more motivated or well informed. I know my roommate does WW, and I've felt a little wild when she's said: "well it's your decision whether or not you want to reap the benefits of WW" - not bc it's WW specifically, but bc I feel that she's so into it that she doesn't quite recognize that I probably wouldn't actually like it and that I've already got my own systems in place which I'm using well - instead, I think she may see me as "non-compliant" with the weight loss process as though WW was the best choice and I'm not totally committed to losing weight bc I'm not willing to do WW.. so that's my little

moment. I know she means well..

anyways.. yeah.. I would just say, do your own thing and try not to let her complaining get to you. Maybe the more weight you lose, the more it'll roll off of your shoulders and you'll be able to just laugh about it? And you never know, she may be able to learn good things from you that will help her

good luck!

britomart · 11-25-2006, 09:39 PM

I'd say your best strategy is to, as beautifulone said, roll with it. Realize that she's doing her own thing, but you have your own dreams and desires and you are in control of your own show. It will just be stressful to fight with her over it, it's not an option to give into her mindset... The best thing you can do for her, I think, is to set a great example for her. She'll see how easy you make it look and maybe that will be the motivation she needs.

I'd be careful with one thing, though -- if you're feeling down on your progress, don't take the issue to her. Come on here and talk to us, or talk to another understanding friend. What happened to me a year ago was that my roommate and I started WW again, she got mad and gave up, I continued along for a while... then grad school applications came due and I was stressed and frustrated with the diet, and I went to talk to her, and she made giving up sound so reasonable that I did. And now here I am, with half of the 10 lbs I lost back on my butt. So just be careful about that.

Good luck

SlimmingWorldChick · 11-26-2006, 06:25 AM

Wow..interesting...i got 2 housemates weighing next to nothing trying to gain weight. It might sound strange..but when someone tells her your looking skinny, thin, or small it cuts her up like it does when someone says to me...you've put on weight, sometimes i tell her be careful what you wish for lol...And you can imagine how they unconciously sabotage my diet...but it's all good cos everyone is just trying to do what is best for them...

It just makes you wonder when will we ever be satisfied? Some of us trying to loose, some sabotaging ourselves..and some trying to gain..and some trying to fix their nose, their boobs, the watevers...

Just do what you gotta do she'll follow by example once she realises a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do. I would love to have a house mate like you btw...lol

blueberry3 · 11-27-2006, 06:01 PM

I had a problem when I started weight watchers! My roomate who is prob. 140 at the most (she is super skinny) decided that she wanted to go to so that she could start eating healthier. Well, she told me that she went and they told her she couldnt participate because she didnt need to lose weight (if anything she needs to gain weight). Let me tell you, this made me feel fabulous!! (just kidding) but the worst part was, she wouldnt stop complaining about the fact that she couldnt go to the meetings! It was awful!!

Nikaia · 11-27-2006, 06:51 PM

I have an interesting situation with my housemate. She and I, when we first moved in, were going to do this super-specific 4-week plan together. I mean, it gives you every meal with recipes for four weeks. My housemate wanted to lose about 10 lbs, and that's what this thing promised. Me, I had considerably farther to go. But we have TOTALLY different outlooks on dieting.

She sees it as "I'm depriving for now to lose the weight, but at the end of the four weeks I'm gonna treat myself to all this stuff as a reward!" whereas I approached it as "I'm learning to eat healthier; I will allow myself the occasional treat, but this isn't just a program for 4 weeks. I'm learning this for life." So this led to some clashes. She would get on me if I had a treat that wasn't "on plan", even though I'd told her I don't do well with specific and restrictive plans like that. She had the deprivation mentality and I knew that if I acted that way I'd binge like **** at the end and undo all the good I'd done.

But we sorted it out. She lost her 8 lbs or whatever, and relaxed, and I managed to help her understand how I see it, so she's helping teach me to cook healthier things (she cooks, I don't).

There is hope! Keep slogging!

newfiesara · 11-29-2006, 03:18 AM

and she lost SIX pounds this week.
Just from dropping the pop/mcdonalds.

Good for her..