My older sister is a 6'1, 250 lb (i think) 25 year old diabetic of 9 years.
Can anyone see where this is going?
What's odd is out of the three women of my house - my mother, my sister, and myself - I've always been the thinnest, and the only one who isn't a diabetic.
I'm really worried about my sister. She listens to head hunger like crazy.. and she admits it! I tried to talk to her about it the other day, she told me flat out that she eats because she is bored, and she can't exercise (she has a bellydancing dvd) because when she does it at work a girl stands around to laugh at her, and she doesn't have any room at home. She works at a group home from Friday nights until Monday mornings, so she is eating there all the time. She told me her co-workers call her the human garbage disposal/
Last year when I was losing and living with my mother still, I was a sort of good influence.. she told me she was jealous of my losing. Im not sure how much that changed her habits, but it at least made her think of it. Now all she really has is my mother (who is also overweight ad diabetic.. But for reasons I won't get into Ive pretty much given up on her.. I just home she comes to the decision to help herself soon!) and her boyfriend (who has to be at least 300 lbs, and won't change any of his bad habits, including eating and exercising) so there is really no "good influence" in her life on this.. I can't physically be there, Im 8 hours away!
Like I said, I tried to talk to her about it... basically she brushed me off with "I have to get my head together first, then I'll worry about that." This was after making excuses "I eat when Im bored, I cant help it".. when we all know how that is.
So what should I do? Or say? Im really lost.. I don't want her health to get worse!
Hmmmm...the only person that can change her is her...she has to want it! I don't know how far away you live from her, but maybe ask her one day just to go for a walk with you, or something..., and make it into a weekly thing? it also seems like maybe she is having alot of self-esteem problems...with people at her work calling her names, etc, and she remedies tht with food...I was like that. Try to compliment her, instead of point out her failures or short comings, build her up! It's amazing how that can help! Don't pressure her, but let her come to you, and just remind her that you are there for her. Don't make it the total focus of every conversation you have with her, because garunteed that doesn't help but instead does the opposite and makes her feel worse about herself. Be an encourager, be a listener, and be her sister and friend! That what she needs, more then anything! Things will happen in their own time.
I stuggle with this with my mom and sister. My mother has a myriad of health issues and refuses to take good care of herself. I know that family had tried to get me to be healthier and it simply didn't work. They have to want it, plain and simple. I've learned not to be pushy, but to be very motivating when they show interest in living better. I know that there's a good chance that they won't follow through, but I figure a couple weeks of good habits is better than none and I will help them as much as I can and as much as they want me too. It sure does suck, though, watching someone you love not take care of themselves.
I dont think there is anything you can do about it. LIke Amanda said, change has to come from with in. She will end up seeing you as a nag...and even worse than a nag, is a "i lost the weight, so you can too", self righteous attitude. She will change when/if she is ready. If she didnt ask for your opinion then leave it alone until she does. My sister used to nag me that way...i ended up really resenting her for it and one day when she was nagging me about it, i mean talking to me about it, I said, "i am sorry, who died and made you my body manager?" She got the hint and left me alone and i lost weight when *I* was ready...not when *she* was ready.
Amanda - I wish I could! Actually weekly walks is something we enjoy doing.. neither of us drive, so we are used to walking! Unfortunitly, she is in PA and Im in VA.. so it's really not possible.
I hear what you guys are saying, it's just hard to accept. Me and my sister are really close, and we've helped each other out through tough times (When I was jeans shopping on a vacation to PA with my mother and discovered I no longer fit into size 14, I was crying in the dressing room and my sister happened to call me.. 2 seconds later she was in the store to hug me, just because she knew I needed it!) I guess that's why Im so worried.. her sugar hasn't been good and she already has horrible health for someone her age! My sister is amazing, I just want her to be healthy =/.
Thanks everyone for listening. I guess I'll just have to wait for her to get sick of it, like I did. I just hope it happens soon!
I feel for you-my sister has fought with her weight for as long as I can remember, and she is currently over 300 pounds and 5 ft 3 in. I love her dearly, but no matter what approach I've tried to take, it doesn't seem to get through.
The talks that we have had that really hit home, that made her give it a try for a while, were always about how much our family needed her to stick around and be healthy, or about what kind of examples we are setting for our own daughters. Even then, the efforts have always been short lived. You CAN'T talk someone into wanting to do this. Just like we did, they have to wake up one day and decide to make our own changes. All we can do in the meantime is pray about it, and let them know that when they DO decide to try, we will help and support them however they need us.
What can I say???
