[bida]

So, ok
I go out tonight - and its ok - I don't feel I look great - but I don't think I look bad. Nothing earth shattering happened - but this kind of relates to another post a while back. I went out with a friend - and eventually, after a small get together, we went out to a bar we like. There are a lot of good looking people that go to this bar - so it's great eye candy. Anyway - my friend gets complimented twice. She is cute - and once is fun, like oh that drunk guy said you are pretty. But the only thing people liked about me I guess was my shirt (it was cute). But somehow my taste in clothing doesn't really made up for me being the wheel, I guess. I don't know - I guess i've been stressed about my being 26 and trying unsuccessfully to lose weight - it not going fast enough - ever (because don't we all want it to be done) not wanting to give up, but at a loss for where I am. I guess I blame my wieght for a lot of this - guess I shouldnt' be going to skin deep clubs - but they are fun for a bit - and I did havve fun the week before there.

I mean, I did notice muscle gain in my legs today - yay I guess, but they are still big.

Also been stressing out about my upcoming housing situation. Found a great house today - and it doesn't seem like its going to work out - people dropping out etc.

So many things also outside of that, not enough time - not at the place I want to be at this time. And worse, when I go to these clubs I am reminded, when I get in a bad mood, of a relationship I once had where it was good and fun, and why am I not there now? (Oh right, I made decisions to change my life, which I love a lot, but still I guess sometimes things are missing - and no - he was not mr right - he was mr right then, but now that I don't have a mr right I guess its tough - and I am not proactive in getting a mr right because my standards are all too high, and I can't find anyone I like.) OK enough ranting. I guess I needed someone to complain to, because my little asian best friends (I am not asian) don't really get it I don't think. It's like I have something about me I can fix, but I am the worst person to try and fix it.

Do not let this day deter me. urg.

Ok, to sleep.

I wish I could watch love actually. Or would that make it worse.

[illinichick]

Oh honey, cheer up! At least you're going out, putting yourself out there and having a good time (for the most part) You're right, this won't deter you and you'll make it- don't worry!

I love "love actually" especially when the guy is showing Keira Knightly the Christmas "flash cards". Makes me want to cry...

[denice81]

hang in there, everyone has days that feel crappy!

[NewDay4MeToo]

I'm new here, so I don't really know you, and may not have an incredible amount of wisdom. But your stats look so close to mine, that I figured why not post.

The other day I was trying to brainstorm for myself what motivates me to lose weight. I made the list, then looked at it the next day.

What I realized was that most of it just seemed so negative... "because I feel icky about my body now," "because all my friends are thin," "because I hate hoping and praying that the XL will fit me."

SO, I am really working hard to focus on positive things about this weight loss/ lifestyle change. I am no expert, but here are some of the things I came up with:

Really enjoying myself when riding my bike... letting the adrenaline take over and giggling like a kid because it actually is fun.

Feeling good after eating smaller portions because it avoids that overstuffed feeling I used to have too often.

Feeling more energetic in general.

I don't know if this helps at all. I know when I have had nights like the one you had I sometimes just feel so ick I want to give up. But I have been trying hard to just approach everything with a more positive attitude. I am hoping it will help me in being a happier me. I hope that you are finding some ways to feel good about yourself today!

[iconoclast]

I feel the same way at bars and clubs a lot, too. Most of my friends are quite short, even the ones who aren't mega-thin, so no matter what I always get a little glum because they're all so short and cute and I'm like this Godzilla monster woman, especially in high heels. I usually just try and tell myself that I will lose weight, I can't help being tall, and I might as well have fun on the way. I also have trouble finding Mr. Right, and I do have that same propensity to look back at old relationships with rose-coloured glasses, but you have to realize that it's not how you remember it. But dating sucks! Right now I'm chubby, and now I also make more than most of the guys I have dated since college, and that always seems to weird men out. It's like dating suicide! I eat my whole dinner and then I pick up the cheque!

But I do what NewDay said -- think of positive reasons to keep going when I get depressed. Like how I'm getting healthy again, like how I'm not poisoning my body with bad food, like how it's okay to have high standards because I'm awesome and I'm not going to settle.

P.S. Good chick movies and blankets always help a bad mood.

[Stephanie Osborne]

bida - Hun you are so not alone. Its a hard thing to realize but I would say most people are not where they want to be in their lives...Take comfort in the fact that your weight (which is what you are unhappy with most) is able to be changed with some hard work and determination. Some people have issues they must conquer that cannot be changed (disabilities, deaths, homelessness, bankruptcy). I know you are just ranting but I hate to see you like this. Your the one who kicks my butt into high gear when I want to give up on my running. Not to be trite but this too shall pass your hard work will pay off in the end.