I know I'm not 20 something, but I just had to post. Madame, you are a beautiful lady. We all feel uncomfortable about our bodies, even when you are smaller, you will find something that is not to your liking. Don't let life slip by because you are waiting to get smaller or whatever. Seize life as it happens. If this guy like you for you, then I say flirt back and go for it, if it makes you happy. Don't wait to be happy, because if you wait, you may never be happy.
Girl, I agree completely! If nothing else open yourself to becoming his friend. This way you will get to know the real him and he will see how beautiful you are inside to match the beauty that you have on the outside.
You better go get him. If he's lookin at you he obviously interested. I never believe a guy could be interested in me until i met my current bf. Its been 7 years up and down and he loves me. He loves me fat because he just loves me, and he's going to love me old and wrinkley. How much you weigh is one tiny part of a relationship. Dont let your weight stop you from happiness. You deserve to happy just like the skinny girl down the street.
I always felt I was to fat to be loved, I have not lost a bunch of weight yet but I am feeling much better about myself. Sometimes I just flirt with guys in the elevator cause I can, if they don't flirt back oh well it was only 30 seconds of my life that I would have been doing nothing anyway.. Just let yourself enjoy the attention, who knows it could be the start of something great but you won't know till you give it a chance.
That's me down to a t.
I don't like my body, I wouldn't wish this on anyone!
I'm 29, i've never had a boyfriend/girlfriend/other.
I'm not ugly, well not overly ugly! But, i've always been big.
I've never even had an offer.
When you say this to a skinny, like I did today. The response is always, "Loads of men don't like women my size, prefer meat on their bones" Oh yeah? Then... *points at self* plenty of meat here, but no-one offering!
OMG, we have so much in common in that respect. I've maybe had one or 2 guys hit on me in my whole life. I'm 25 and never had a real boyfriend. And I know that there are men that prefer bigger women, but I've never wanted one of those. Isn't it horrible. I want a man who likes the thin, "attractive" women, and I want to be one of those women. Recently my confidence has risen significantly so I feel more attractive, but I still have yet to be hit on. And if a man does look at me I feel uncomfortable. Yet I really do want a relationship now, even though I know I have a long way to go. Maybe I should wear a sign "open for business." Though I must say that even though I've never had a boyfriend, my standards are still high. How does one meet men nowadays?
There are some guys out there that just aren't superficial and love you for you no matter what size you are. I didn't date in high school ... I was very self-concious and it seemed all the guys that I liked only were after the thin girls. Then around 19 I just settled really for guys I had a chance with, and I ended up dating some dogs, just because I didn't want to be single anymore. Luckily for me I found my now hubby. Finally a good guy that liked me for me big or small he'll love me no matter what. Good guys are hard to find, and if you come across one that you are attracted to and they are to you ... for who you are, I say go for it. You never know what you could be missing out on!
Girls, Girls, Girls!!
It can be so hard to let go of all of our issues with our body's. We are our own worst critic! If this man was interested in you, he was interested in you.. there is no reason to not give it a chance! You are beautiful, i know sometimes its hard to see it in ourselves.. but just look at you!! Hot baby Hot!
I honestly think that i am pretty.. not hot, not gorgeous, but im pretty. Im smart, i have an awesome personality, and im very caring.. Im a GREAT catch.. so any guy that doesn't want me.. well, too bad for them. Im actually in a realtionship of about a year.. and we met when i was much heavier than i am now..
Its hard to believe that someone would want us.. when in all actuality, we dont really want ourselves. The first step is loving yourself.. in fact, until you feel that you are WORTH it... weight loss is going to be so hard.. as will be anything that your trying to do.
None of us want to be hurt, noone wants to put theirself out there.. but is it really living when your all cooped up inside your shell. Im willing to bet that over half of us here, built up our wall of fat as a defense mechanism.. because of being hurt, not loving ourselves or some other type of emotional thing,,, we don't love ourselves so we make ourselves unlovable (in our eyes) to everyone else too... WHY?
Ladies.. EVERYONE.. including us.. deserves to be happy. Take a chance, run, leap, jump.. maybe even fly
I agree with what the other girls said.. and I thought I should add this too.
WHAT IF this guy is a really nice guy, that IS thinking .. "hmm, she's really pretty, I'd like to talk to her" and you're giving him the "back off" signal?
Most of what you're thinking is probably your thoughts alone. Like the others said, if this guy is going out of his way to make conversation with you, he might actually be interested. You don't have to settle for nothing or less attractive because you are heavier than you'd like to be.
I have rarely had trouble getting a guy because of weight. Sure, a lot of them prefer the thinner variety, but I've also had boyfriends/friends tell me.. hey, now that I've gotten to know you.. you're sexy as ****!
Give this guy a chance!!! At the very least, talk to him. There's no commitment in just talking.
OMG, we have so much in common in that respect. I've maybe had one or 2 guys hit on me in my whole life. I'm 25 and never had a real boyfriend. And I know that there are men that prefer bigger women, but I've never wanted one of those. Isn't it horrible. I want a man who likes the thin, "attractive" women, and I want to be one of those women. Recently my confidence has risen significantly so I feel more attractive, but I still have yet to be hit on. And if a man does look at me I feel uncomfortable. Yet I really do want a relationship now, even though I know I have a long way to go. Maybe I should wear a sign "open for business." Though I must say that even though I've never had a boyfriend, my standards are still high. How does one meet men nowadays?
Supersized chick I also am on the same wave length - isn't it bad. And yet on the other hand - we don't give those guys a chance who are like us - insecure with themselves - or not the hottest guy in the room. But why would we we don't do it to ourselves - they prob don't to us - its a circle, a circle of hormones.
Alas - am still single. Though I have to admit my previous ex was hot. I was always surprised that he was into me - and he was - it was other things that didn't work out. So I have such a high expectation now. haha.
I guess I just want someone I like to like me - is that too hard to ask? Maybe I am just bad with guys - that is very possible.
(I also didn't date in high school - not many seemed to date - and in college - never seemed to meet anyone good.)
alas.
I will sit and surf the net some more and not get "out" there
You all brought up some great points. And thanks for the compliments, you ladies are beautiful as well ... ... but supernurse_mommie I think you summed it up best ... I do think and well know that it is a defense mechanism ... these old "percerptions" (that's all I can go by) continue to build up ... and I actually get frightened if I sense someone liking me ... that's no way to live ... I want to be free ... not only when I reach my goal weight ... but even at the 237lbs I weigh now ... There are some good guys out there ... Now I just have to find an excuse to go down to the security office ... this Sunday ... ... Thanks to all of you who responded ... Even at 21 I still have alot of growing up to do ...
You could conveniently lose something that he might have found, or someone turned in? Good 'excuse' for you. Let us know if anything juicy happens! hehe
MadamePJ, I've wanted to tell you several times upon seeing your avatar how beautiful you are, but never could without seeming wierd...lol. Or hijacking someone's thread. But girl you are GORGEOUS!!!! I'd be willing to bet the farm that your personality is absolutely do die for! And your smile SHINES.
OK, please don't think I'm a wierdo for saying that...lol. Anyways, I'm married, so I'm not on the dating scene, but yeah, I can say that I've pushed my husband away mentally at times because I felt too fat, and I'm always feeling so insecure about how he sees me. But, it's all a mind thing! He thinks I'm attractive and Lord knows I've tested him to the extreme. If he's gonna leave me over anything it sure ain't gonna be over my body! LOL.
I guess what I'm trying to get to here is this guy can SEE that you're not a beanpole! He can see all 237 lbs of you. You're not decieving this guy. If he likes you, he likes you. He obviously finds you attractive. Leave it at that. Yeah, I know, easier said than done. I hope that doesn't offend you, but that's how I see it, not that that matters...lol. Maybe he's a man that enjoys a fuller woman. They ARE out there. Maybe he likes the way you carry yourself as a woman. Maybe he sees what I see...an inner light in your eyes that goes right along with the outer beauty. That's something that's so rare these days.
(ETA)I read awhile back that hmmm...let's see if I can remember how this goes. Men think more highly of themselves so they think they should be with women that are really out of their league.(looks wise, if this is an issue with anyone) Women think less of themselves so they tend to settle for below what they can get. Did that make sense? LOL. I catch women looking at my hubby all the time and I always wonder if they're wondering what the heck he's doing with me. He, on the other hand will tell me that while he enjoys looking at models and stuff that I'm more gorgeous than all of them put together. Go figure.
madame honey you are beautiful!!! dont sell yourself so short. im a big girl, men like big girls . . they want something to hold on to. I had a man tell me once he loved thick girls he said he never wanted to try to hug his girl and miss . The security guy likes you , give him a shot . He'll make you feel beautiful and there is no harm in that. there is no way to live life thinking well i will later, there is only now if you dont take advantage of now youll regret it later.
life is too short to be anything but happy.
so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love deeply,
forgive quickly, take chances, give everything
& have no regrets, forget the past, but always
remember what it taught you.
I'm 25 and never had a real boyfriend. And I know that there are men that prefer bigger women, but I've never wanted one of those. Isn't it horrible. I want a man who likes the thin, "attractive" women, and I want to be one of those women. Recently my confidence has risen significantly so I feel more attractive, but I still have yet to be hit on. And if a man does look at me I feel uncomfortable. Yet I really do want a relationship now, even though I know I have a long way to go. Maybe I should wear a sign "open for business." Though I must say that even though I've never had a boyfriend, my standards are still high. How does one meet men nowadays?
Wow, fellow 20-something chicks with the same problem!
Extreme case of "Oh, I really thought i would be the only one!"
Good to hear that I am not alone- and bad situation for all of us.
I am 25 and never had a real boyfriend. No date, nothing.
And about that men who prefer bigger women: I am not so fond of them either.....stupid me.
But aren´t those men who like thin attractive women superficial??
If you choose a man who prefers overweight women he is probably not happy when you lose weight. If you choose a man who loves thin women he is probably gone when you gain 2 pounds....
And after all: there could be a super- attractive man fall in love with me-
I wouldn´t notice it. Nor take it serious (Are you kidding me? Have you lost a bet? are you a boyscout and doing your daily good thing?).
Is there anybody who actually solved this problem?
. The security guy likes you , give him a shot . He'll make you feel beautiful and there is no harm in that. there is no way to live life thinking well i will later, there is only now if you dont take advantage of now youll regret it later. 
