marbleflys-i think what paperclippy was pointing out was that now that she has taken responsibility, but that she would like some support.....as for all those suggestions (going shopping with your mom, choosing something else in the house to eat when an unhealthy option is there) really great and something i think that i would want to teach my children.....but...well when you are little and thats what your mom feeds you..it kind of is her fault for not instilling healthy nutritional values in her kids (not saying now its impossible to change, but a five year old does not know that a cookie is bad for her) sure at some point it is your fault for not changing, but i think that kids dont understand, which was paperclippy's point...
it takes a long time to sort of 'out-grow' anything bad your parents taught you
and without their support it kind of makes you re-assess what their values where to being with
My mom's in the same boat as me, needing to lose weight, so I'm lucky to get support from her. Years ago I did have a similar situation with my grandmother on my dad's side, though. She was always critisizing my weight, even if I was on a losing swing. I don't think I ever heard anything positive from her. We were never very close, living on opposite sides of the country, and all, and she's since passed on. She got upset when I told her I got engaged, though, so I'll never know what her real problem was. I still loved her, but she frusterated me to no end. There was just no pleasing her ever!
Marbleflys, I don't blame my mom for me being overweight completely (certainly not for anything I've done since moving out of the house), but I do think that parents are responsible for teaching their children good eating habits. I didn't realize it was weird to eat out 5x/week or to eat sugary cereals for breakfast or to eat a million frozen meals until I went to college, and some of my friends were disgusted when I told them I ate fast food for dinner half the time. Yes, we would eat salad and stuff like that, but it would accomany a huge plate of something much less healthy. We always had junk food around the house (candy, cake, ice cream) and my parents ate it all the time, so I did too. As for school lunches, my mom would give me two dollars and at school I would buy pizza from the Pizza Hut vendor we had. Sometimes I did buy salad instead, but the salad at public schools is pretty darn nasty. I didn't realize back then that it was unhealthy to eat Pizza Hut for lunch every day. (If you want, you can blame the lack of health education in public schools for that too.)
My parents still think that the sorts of food I cook every day now are "icky." And to be honest, when they started bothering me about my weight when I was in high school, I didn't know what to do to lose weight, and it upset me enough that I started eating emotionally. They think it's weird that I go jogging in the morning, so when I go home to visit I don't feel comfortable doing it unless I can do it before everyone else wakes up. My family revolves around food (any good events are celebrated with food, and bad ones are comforted with food), so eating differently than the rest of the family is kind of divisive.
What I eat now I take full responsibility for. I know I could have eaten better in college, and I don't blame my mom for the fact that I ate a lot of crap back then. But I do think that growing up with a stigma against "health food" and exercise contributed to my weight gain, and that in general people learn to eat what their parents feed them as children. If my parents had raised me on healthier food, I doubt I would have gained as much as I did because I would have had healthy eating habits from the beginning. And since I know that my mom knows what's healthy, since she was a registered dietician, I do think she is at least partially to blame for my weight gain.
Let me play devil's advocate one more time.....no, I wasn't speaking of participating in planning family meals at the age of 5......and neither was paperclippy (I don't think so anyway)....I was thinking along the lines of her being an older 13-15 yo...when most of us realize the stereo-type of woman we are "supposed to be". At that age you CAN make the right choices and there is certainly enough media to provide information.
I'm on the other side of the fence (but the grass may not be greener)....I was the mother who advocated healthy eating and exercise habits....my daughter (now age 24) grew up with a fridge packed with healthy food options and watched me (or knew) I got up every AM to exercise and had the CHOICE of making good decisions. I showed her how to do a bicep curl and chest press, I taught her how to roller-skate, ride a bike and play basketball, (yadayadyada poor kid had an ex-jock for a mother).....she HATED all of it, and made the CHOICE of sitting on her buttisimo. I kept my mouth shut and tried to be supportive in every dressing room we went to. Sadly, the result is that she is obese, unhealthy and unhappy....and unfortunately, she blames me (no I don't know why).... but again that's her choice....
My culture is eastern european and my parents cooked heavy on the butter and sour-cream, noodles, etc.....when i realized it was too fattening, I opted for different foods....I didn't blame my mother, but asked for different foods from the grocery.
When all is said and done, the whole point isn't about who to blame. We all just want some support and encouragement for our acomplishments. For what it's worth, Paperclippy, I think you're doing fantastic
I just wanted to chip in here and say I have the opposite problem--when I tell my mom I can wear a size 6 now, she's like "are you sure you're not losing too much weight? i don't want you to become anorexic" though I assure her my weight is definitely not unhealthy. in fact, my mom has never said a thing about me being heavy. she told me once that I came home from school and asked if I was fat because the other kids said I was she said "God makes us all in different sizes". On the other hand my dad made a comment about my weight and that "it wouldn't hurt me to miss a meal" during my teenage years and I kicked him in the shin so hard it bruised. I was a very sensitive kid and I remember writing in my journal that night that I would show him and lose all the weight by taking these diet pills I had bought previously. fortunately I never followed through with those pills.
I agree that parents definitely help shape our eating habits, whether healthy or unhealthy though I did begin picking out my own food as a teenager and actually got my family hooked on skim milk and i can't believe it's not butter spray! It is still difficult when I go home to visit because the unhealthy foods are there to tempt me but I try to be strong because I know when I leave again I will have no one else to blame but myself for the gain shown on the scale.
I think everyone here is making a healthy choice and we deserve to be praised for that so everyone give yourself a big hug! Awww now doesn't that feel better?
Me again
I agree with this line of discussion....my kids only eat what I give them, so if I gave them fast food and fried food all the time they would eat it...BUT, because I was pudgy as a child I dont want my kids to be, so I take them shopping with me so they can learn from an early age what is good and not, AND more importantly, I am NOT afraid to tell them when something is JUNK...I wish my parents had done this for me, but they didnt and I learned the hard way, so I figure if I start my kids off right, they will continue....
Sometimes, we have to stick up for ourselves and tell people they CANT say mean things to us, and when they do, you have EVERY right to tell them how it makes you feel....I gained weight from taking all that my parents could do to me, when I should have just said " STOP"...
Let me play devil's advocate one more time.....no, I wasn't speaking of participating in planning family meals at the age of 5......and neither was paperclippy (I don't think so anyway)....I was thinking along the lines of her being an older 13-15 yo...when most of us realize the stereo-type of woman we are "supposed to be". At that age you CAN make the right choices and there is certainly enough media to provide information.
I'm on the other side of the fence (but the grass may not be greener)....I was the mother who advocated healthy eating and exercise habits....my daughter (now age 24) grew up with a fridge packed with healthy food options and watched me (or knew) I got up every AM to exercise and had the CHOICE of making good decisions. I showed her how to do a bicep curl and chest press, I taught her how to roller-skate, ride a bike and play basketball, (yadayadyada poor kid had an ex-jock for a mother).....she HATED all of it, and made the CHOICE of sitting on her buttisimo. I kept my mouth shut and tried to be supportive in every dressing room we went to. Sadly, the result is that she is obese, unhealthy and unhappy....and unfortunately, she blames me (no I don't know why).... but again that's her choice....
My culture is eastern european and my parents cooked heavy on the butter and sour-cream, noodles, etc.....when i realized it was too fattening, I opted for different foods....I didn't blame my mother, but asked for different foods from the grocery.
If you believed you raised your child with healthy eating habbits and exercise habbits, then you did your part. Like you said, people begin to make their own choices in their late teens. You did a good job with the way you raised your kid, but there ARE other factors to why people become overweight, not JUST how they were raised. Just love your daughter and be satisfied that you did your part...the rest is up to her.
Also, teenagers have enough going on in their hectic lives to worry about whether or not they are eating great...SOME are conscious of it, but those are usually the ones who WERE raised on good healthy foods. If your parents teach you a way of eating, and don't give you much other choice in the matter, I believe they ARE hurting you. They shouldn't be solely the ones to blame for weight gain, but I believe they are a big part of it. You know, the moms who are so tired from their busy hectic lives and don't feel like cooking 3 different things for 3 different picky children, so they decide to please them all and take them to McDonald's for happy meals instead. My mom was in this position, there were 4 of us kids, and enough whining and begging could get me a happy meal any day.
It's not ALL anyone's fault...but don't totally go blame the kid when they were never fed healthy foods growing up. Parents need to get involved in their kid's diets and take responsibility and make sure their kids are eating healthy.
lol, is it bad that I tell my kids, (only my 4 year old understands right now) that Mcdonalds food gives him a belly ache, so we can only eat it once a month?? Seems to work, if anyone asks him to go there he politely says "no thanks I dont want a stomach ache".....
A lot of people feel like they can't please their mothers... just remember, if somebody tells you that you can't do anything right, you're not the one with the problem.
