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Old 07-15-2017, 11:36 PM   #1
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Unhappy Does anyone struggle from fat commentary?

Hi everyone... this is my first time on this site so I hope my post isn't weird. I just wanted to post about a struggle I'm facing, and feeling very alone; hoping this will be a good place to start.

I am approx ~40 lbs overweight. And every day I hear comments that just BREAK me.

This week:

Hairdresser: "oh, you're only 25? You're a baby- I had no idea! You know how it is... the skinnier people look the younger they look! I had no idea you were so young."

Male friend: "You know that beer makes you fat, right?" (I try to rarely drink beer, it was a vacation)

Male friend: "uuuuhhmmmm... I mean, I dono if you've ever been considered 'hot'"

My mom: "when you start to take care of yourself physically maybe you'll have better success at work and meet a man who will want to be your husband"


The list goes on. I guess... I'm just struggling to see any beauty or hope. It's hard to be young -ish and to feel that it's all down hill from here, do any of you feel that you suffer from comments in your daily life?
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Old 07-18-2017, 09:28 PM   #2
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I honestly can't really remember (at least at any point recently) anyone making any negative comments about my weight. I'm also a very outspoken and blunt person, so if anyone did say those things about me I'd rip them a new one. The biggest hurdle of weight loss for some is the company they keep, and if they don't have a good support system around them who's encouraging them, then it's much harder to succeed. I'd honestly tell anyone who says these things about you to screw off. Your self-worth is worth so much more than their opinion about you. And it sounds like these "friends" are not at all treating you how a true friend would. As far as the part about your mom - I think that is more of a generational thing. Our parents' generation were born and raised to simply find a man and settle down. If that's not your goal in life - she needs to accept that. If it is your goal in life - she (and you) need to understand that any man who can't accept you for how you are right this very second isn't worth it. This journey should be for you and no one else. Everyone is always a work in progress, and finding a partner who understands that is the goal - not just someone who will only like you once you've slimmed down. I'm easily 70-80 pounds overweight, but my boyfriend has done nothing but encourage me from day one. And you need that support coming from a partner. You are a beautiful and strong woman for taking this journey on. It is not an easy one, but it is the most gratifying thing you will ever do!! Stay strong <3
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1st mini-goal: 25 pounds lost (252)
2nd mini-goal: 40 pounds lost (237)
3rd mini-goal: 50 pounds lost (227)
4th mini-goal: 65 pounds lost (212)
5th mini-goal: One-derland (199)
6th mini-goal: no longer in "Obese" BMI (190)
7th mini-goal: weighing less than I did in high school (179)
8th mini-goal: 100 pounds lost (177)

FINAL GOAL: 170

Last edited by jrkessle; 07-18-2017 at 09:30 PM.
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Old 07-19-2017, 12:30 PM   #3
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Well, first- I totally disagree with your hair dresser. I think skinny people look older than chubby people. The extra weight gives people a baby face, IMO.

Moving on- every one of those comments was unnecessary and unkind. Unless your actually inviting comments like that (by asking people's opinions) then you should have a ready reply for people like that- anything from "Did you just say that? Really?" to "Inappropriate." to "You know commenting on another person's weight is uncool, right?" to "That was really hurtful." Come up with a canned response that fits your personality and have it ready so you can shut this down. For whatever reason, people seem to think they can say this stuff to you, which makes me think either you are (inadvertently) inviting it by the things you say to them - maybe you asked your mom why she thinks you have trouble finding a boyfriend or a better job (still doesn't justify her making a weight comment) or perhaps you are very meek and people think they can say stuff like that without you getting mad at them.
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