[luckycharm92]

We build up lives, which become unsatisfactory and suddenly we want to change it like an outfit on a doll. But you can't change life from the outside - we all know this by now.

So here I am- taking myself lightly and starting from the inside. I owe myself the happy, healthy habits for the next 90 days and will log each day as I go. Let's get started

[luckycharm92]

Day #1

- bought flowers to myself - they look so lovely
- did half an hour of really intense yoga
- took an ice cold shower. I hadn't done that in ages, but my skin really thanked me for this. It really makes me feel alive. The trick with cold showers is to start just cold and making sure the water pours only from shoulders on the back - there are less nerve endings there. Also breathing deeply seems to help. By the time the back is used to the cold, the front will adjust waaay more easily.

An interesting thing happened yesterday. I like to keep myself South of 1500 kcal and even though my tummy felt full, I felt this strange, intense hunger and weakness yesterday afternoon, which usually lead me to nut, cookie or chocolate binges. This time I tried a bit of a different approach. I went to the store, where I bought falafel (kind of like vegeterian meatballs made of chickpeas), dark, 80% chocolate, a tiny pack of nuts & dried fruit and a chunk of cooked meat. Despite my promise to not eat after 6pm I did eat the things and later went for my evening exercise. Now, while I did go a bit over 2000kcal, all of it was healthy and my eating was controlled - driven by hunger rather than anxiety.
Then an even more interesting thing happened this morning - I woke up at 6am feeling noticeably hungry! Now that I think of it - it's hardly surprising. I've been trying to force myself on to a caloric requirement of a model and expecting that my body won't need any more.
Sometimes we get so fixated on goals and rules that we forget to simply pay attention to how we feel and we end up abusing ourselves and, unsurprisingly, it backfires. If I would've hold myself accountable for the rules that I had set myself, my body would have started panicking and I probably would have eaten the entire fridge this morning.

[luckycharm92]

Day #2

It was a slow Sunday that I spent mostly reading.

In terms of food -all healthy and good, except a bit too much. Managed to eat 4 oz of cashews, which again renders me on the bad side of calories. The rest was good though - eggs, salad and berries and a slice of extra dark chocolate - as healthy as you can possibly get

Naps can make such a big difference! I had one in the afternoon and it raised my motivation level tenfold! Even though I felt exhausted I managed to go for a run. Only 2.5 miles for now, but the struggle was real! It's so tough to run with fatigued muscles- every single step feels like a victory. No pain, no gain!

In the evening I met friends and had 3 small glasses of red wine. Resisted the cake!

[luckycharm92]

Day #3

A fully deserved recovery day with a horrible weather and some earthy pleasures. No exercises apart from biking to the university is a given. Started off the day pretty innocently with dropping off mail and eating a salad at school. The weather was horrible and pouring rain. Later I went to a cafe and had a soup with a small side salad.
An interesting thing I've noticed that now that I eat relatively plainly and savor each bite of the food I really taste how salty the food at some places is. I did not even finish parts of the salad as the taste seemed a bit too intense for my taste.
Towards the evening I felt like some comfort food so I went for a cappuccino and a small piece of cheesecake at the local coffee shop. It was so, so good, but again - the sweeteness of the cake really striked me as even a bit too sweet!
When I came home I passed out immediately and woke up only 3 hours later at 10pm. I blame it on the cheesecake an spike in insulin - I felt hungry so I snacked on strawberries and my flatmate's chocolate spread Nonetheless, in terms of calories I should've finished the day relatively OK.

Day 4


I woke up in an intensely desparate, depressed mood. I can hardly explain it, but insane, nearly suicidal blues with thoughts of life being pointless tend to take me over every once in a while. For the past semester there would be times when they don't go away for weeks. Maybe it was the Monday's sugar rush? Who knows? Luckily, they are over.

Another thing -the protein cravings! I've noticed that whenever I go too long without eating meat, I get intense cravings. I went to the store and bought 10 oz of cooked chicken and salad. Swapping the dressing with a tablespoon of organic mayo (I need my fats, haha) I ate nearly all of it in one sitting!

Later in the afternoon I ate the remainder of the salad with 2 fried eggs. In the evening I had a mix of strawberries, blackberries, raspberries with cottage cheese sprinkled with cinnamon and 3 oz of extra dark chocolate.

Again, seems like I went overboard, but first habits come first.

On my way to the store I realized that I have a very shallow breath and when suddenly I started breathing deeper I realize my nose was congested - as with an allergy. As I tarted breathing deeper on purpose I noticed that my morning blues went away after a while. Maybe I'm just not breathing well enough at night and my brain lacks oxygen? Who knows, but it's a hypothesis well worth considering.

Since Monday was the recovery day - it was time for me to go running again. It was an incredibly energetic run and I cleared 4 miles in 38min with far less effort than on my fatigued run on Sunday. Great to know that cheesecake went to replenish my energy stores in the muscles!

[luckycharm92]

Find it hard to keep up with writing as you can see.

Last week was incredibly productive- logged 5 workouts (out of which 4 running) in a single week! Food wise still slippery - found it hard to resist all the nice and carby stuff.. Scale did not move at all, but I've dropped a short sngle inch off of my thighs and half inch off my hips. Things are slowly, but surely progressing.

This week is not over yet, but I've been lazy in terms of workout. For the past three days we've had 98 degrees heat, which makes workout outside of gym a torturous idea. Nutrition wise I did terrible at the beginning of the week, but have been eating like an angel in the range of 1000-1700kcal for the past 4 days! Not sure what's to blame here - my acupuncturist, the heat or the forced break from exercise, but my scale has moved by a whopping 5 pounds South! Not bad for a bit less than 3 weeks!

[clairelv]

you great ! keep doing that ,i am watching you