"You have a slow metabolism"
 

So, I am starting back on the wagon. Long story short, last year I was active and healthy - 30 lbs lighter and running a half marathon. I was talking to a friend today about how I want to get back to where I was - both looking for support and trying to verbalize my commitment - when she responded by telling me that I have a slow metabolism and I need to workout everyday. She even asked if I have a thyroid problem. I was a little shocked and offended. I don't have a slow metabolism or a thyroid problem - I have a sit on the couch and eat problem. In any case, it came across as I must have something to blame because why else would someone let themselves get overweight?

She is a size 0 or 2 and obviously has body perception issues. She makes remarks about how great REALLY skinny girls look and you can tell heat she analyzes other women's bodies. All my local friends are very tiny (biggest is a 4/6) and I sometimes feel like some of them judge me.

Later, the friend who made the remarks was talking about how she is having trouble sticking with a journaling activity her therapist asked her to do. She seemed to be fishing for some type of sympathy but instead I compared it to starting to exercise. It's not easy - is really much easier to quit - but it's worth it in the long run and it becomes habit.

I didn't defend myself or tell her that her comments seemed mean. I'm not sure it would have done any good. It just really frustrated me - so I'm venting. I'm sure others on here have had similar experiences, right? How did you handle it?

I've heard that before. Im fat bc I have a "slow metabolism".. and I believed it. Maybe its true but I will fight it. I have also heard that I only got married because I have a pretty face and because my husband is probably an idiot. :) so dont feel bad about it.. Just do you.

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity"

When people make thoughtless remarks like that, they are rarely trying to be malicious or rude. She probably genuinely thought she was helping. I know that doesn't really solve the problem of how you feel, but it can help if you remember that most people aren't mean, they are just stupid.

That being said, if you feel that she really WAS trying to be snarky, and this is a habit of hers, I'd reconsider my relationship with that person.

I do like your attitude though. I've struggled with this in the past too... everyone says that if you overeat and get fat it must be either a health problem or psychological problem. I have neither, but that didn't stop me from trying to find one to blame. Now that I've accepted the fact that I got fat because I like food and hate exercise, suddenly things are going much better.

Thanks for letting me vent - and thanks for the advice. Assume good intent and 'just do me'. :-)

Hi Gatorgirl6,

You look great, just ignore your friend. When I start my weight loss journey I try to only talk to people that I know will be supportive of my efforts. Everyone else, I leave in the dark lol. Just works out better for me. I don't need the negativity.

Had you not made your body the topic, I could see being upset, but since you made you made your body and your weight loss the topic of discussion, it's not really fair to be mad at someone for continuing it, you know?

Synthroid is one of the most commonly prescribed meds in America (almost always makes the Top Ten list) because so many people here have thyroid problems. It's not illogical to think that someone might have one, since it's so common. Loads of fat people out there with thyroid issues that don't know it.

It sounds to me like she was trying to find a helpful-but-polite way out of what you brought up.

She's your friend, though. You'd know best about whether she was trying to be mean.

All the comments above are really great. I can also add that without realizing it sometimes we become overly sensitive to others comments. I know throughout my weight loss journey I have struggled with people talking about my weight, even if I bring it up first. The comments of "you look so great now", I let these things irk me in ways they are not intended to. Sometimes its best to take a step back and realize why such comments get to you, because it may be something in you and not necessarily have anything to do with your friend. But as stated, you know your friend best and know if she was being malicious or not.