My grandma notices every tiny bit of weight I lose. Today she said I'm already half my size and that I shouldn't overdo it. Barely 4 kilos, everyone. The more I lose, the more often she's inviting me for dinner, brings me little desserts with every visit (they sometimes appear in my fridge after she leaves, too). On the plus side, someone notices .
She worries over everyone's figure ever since I remember, especially with my mum who got hyperthyroid when growing up and was incredibly tiny - I used to play dress up in her old ballgown and it wouldn't zip up at the waist when I was about 6 or 7 - later I measured it to be 22" there! Anyway I was a distractable kid with not a lot of appetite and there was a time when I would be regularly having dinner at my grandparent's. Those huge portions! And if I wouldn't eat up, she'd go "but you have to eat, you're getting so skinny! You're going to get ill and DIE." Alternatively, when I was a bit overwhelmed by school: "You need to coat the nerves properly or you're not going to learn anything" (meanwhile, my doctor was already cautioning that I'm at the very top end of "normal" for my age and height).
The way she describes larger individuals is "healthy", not at all ironic. I don't find it distressing at this point, it's my grandma and I already expect these things from her. Ultimately, it's my choice to eat what she brings - or not.
I wonder though - do you have experience with people who genuinely think it's better for you to be heavier, not for some petty reasons like insecurity or jealousy, but just a different view on what is beautiful and good for you?
can I ask? Are you English? or Australian/ NZ? it sounds strange but its because you talk in Kilos and said Grandma. I understand both, as a Scot who spent 4 summers working in the states I can work in stones/ pounds/ and sometimes Kilos (my sister is a nurse and talks in kilos).
My second question would be.... what is your current weight just now? I know its personal but we don't judge here, It just helps to understand where your grandma is coming from. I will also say that I understand your grandmas mentality, I have always been very big in my family. In January I was 146.8kg and she would always buy crap and ask if I want shortbread, cookies, a yogurt, a sandwich, a hot chocolate. I would laugh because she was acting like an Italian granny. I would forever tell her to stop feeding me. Then sometimes she teases me in a sense where she would be hungry and we would be in the town shopping and I would suggest, do you want to grab some lunch? she would then say, what about burger king, or can you now not eat in there. It would annoy me because I know that she wants one, she knows I cant have it, yet if I went in and not ordered, she would go in a huff and then just not have lunch until she got home.
My gran is 73, I have had to tell her multiple times that I need to eat healthy and stop feeding me. She also buys me clothes that are far to small for me because she cannot get her head around the fact that I am overweight. She gets angry and does the whole.... but try it on!! I have to actually squeeze into clothes (which looks like I've tried on kids clothes) just to prove to her that they don't fit. Then she gives the whole, looked bigger on the hanger crap.
Sometimes, even though she is your grandma, you need to tell her that you must lose weight to be healthy!!
On the other hand, if you are 5"6 or over and under 70lbs and are obsessing about losing weight. Listen to your grandma.
Sorry, I'm not a native English speaker - I'm Czech - and I sort of... absorb what I hear. Regional variations go a bit over my head, except for the most glaring UK/US things. If I'll be using kilos or pound is more about how I feel it's appropriate in a given thread, but I do need a converter, so kilos are a bit more convenient. I can't wrap my head around stones, though
Anyway, I started here last month with a bit over 80 kg. Used to be close to 90 for some time, but I got a more active part time job last winter and it was enough for me to drop something. She comes from a poor family - she had 6 sisters, her mom took in her 3 orphaned nieces, too - it was shortly after the war - and then her dad fell badly ill. Then the communists took what was left of their farm. She has a habit of stacking on food and being very thrifty with her shopping, food has real value to her, which does make it more difficult to refuse it. Fortunately she listens when you need to set some boundaries, but she will keep lightly poking at them in the hopes you give up, especially when it comes to food.
Anyway, they sometimes argue with granddad whether I'm too small or too big
This now makes so much more sense, your grandma will understandably see food in a completely different light. She went through a very difficult time where food was not easy to get your hands on, and if you didn't eat, you likely died. I feel that sometimes when it comes to being under 85kg, it should be about clothes size, toning and bodyfat. I feel that you may need to try your best to build up a strong character in yourself so that you don't feel the need to snack on the stuff she brings you. Its a difficult situation, I hope you are able to work through it.
You mentioned before about other peoples views of beautiful, some of my friends and family have mentioned that it would be very strange seeing me go down to 70kg from 146.8kg. Some of them are interested and very supportive, but some seem to think that I will loose my personality by losing weight.
You're right, the things she says just sometimes strike me as odd. But she IS really good at seeing even minuscule weight loss in me, which is nice With me, it's a lot about my hip joints - they didn't develop perfectly and for ages I know my weight puts strain on them (the doctor back then said I should try to weight as little as I can, which I naturally ignored for years), but earlier this year I had a real scare when after a bad fall on the stairs I was almost unable to move. Turned out to be the SI joint that took a hit, but I really don't know what I'd do if my hips started acting up. Also there's the thing that in the past years I started enjoying hiking and other outdoor activities, and I do feel "weighted down". Sure, part of it is fitness, but I'm convinced certain things will be easier with less non-active mass that's just there for the ride.
I always told my family that once I get down to about 80-85kg I would concentrate on toning up and being fitter, start a new sport or start something that would help me to get the last 10kg off. Obviously I am much much bigger than you are, but we both want to the it for the sake of our health. If your doctor advises you to lose more, then that is what you need to do. I have not yet tried to have children, however I know that I will have problems (I was a very carefree teenager and I should of had about 5 by now). I also lost one very early on when I was 17, I am hoping that the reason I have yet to have one is weight, and not anything else more medical. So I feel that I would want to make sure I have a very healthy body before trying.
At "their times", they usually suffered starvation periods, which turned their personalities into "Being fat is great, being skinny is horrible and dangerous". Not a problem anymore fortunately, but they can't help thinking like that.
My grandma is worried
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With me, it's a lot about my hip joints - they didn't develop perfectly and for ages I know my weight puts strain on them (the doctor back then said I should try to weight as little as I can, which I naturally ignored for years), but earlier this year I had a real scare when after a bad fall on the stairs I was almost unable to move. Turned out to be the SI joint that took a hit, but I really don't know what I'd do if my hips started acting up. Also there's the thing that in the past years I started enjoying hiking and other outdoor activities, and I do feel "weighted down". Sure, part of it is fitness, but I'm convinced certain things will be easier with less non-active mass that's just there for the ride.