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Something happened with a date....

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Old 12-20-2014, 06:46 AM   #1
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Default Something happened with a date....

I didn't know if there was some other section I should post this... but recently I had been dating a guy (on like 3/4 dates) and he was very nice and cute. One day we were lying in bed talking playing this question game and he jokingly asked me if I would change anything about him.. I said no and laughed then asked him the same question back. and he answered "thinner". It really kind of caught me off guard. My weight and body image are constantly something I think of, but we hadn't talked about it before so it kind of just shocked me.

He left soon after and when he left I just started crying :/ I guess I've always had low self esteem due to my weight and my worst fear is for a guy to call me fat or ugly or something. It just felt bad. He texted me goodnight and I responded and told him that I was kind of hurt by what he said. He said that he "knew that I would be hurt. But didn't want me to waste my life so he thought it was worth it."

To be honest I'm very confused about the whole thing. Obviously I know that I am overweight.. but I think it's the way he said it. "thinner". It just really hurt me.. and kind of came as this like "oh yes duh I should be thinner why havent I thought of that lol" kinda thing. Idk. has this happened to anyone else? I just honestly don't know how I should take it.
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Old 12-20-2014, 07:31 AM   #2
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When you told him you wouldn't change anything about him it's natural and expected to hear the same response back. When he didn't respond in kind it was probably devastating

IMO don't waste your time on this guy! Maybe deep down he's OK and didn't realize how much his comments hurt but he seems a bit focused more on the physical attributes of others rather than developing a good relationship based on mutual interests. I wonder when people make comments like wanting someone who is "thin" or "larger breasted" if they realize any one of us could suffer an accident and alter our looks? Would they still be so focused on a person's looks they couldn't see beyond?

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Old 12-20-2014, 08:43 AM   #3
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Thank him for being honest and not allowing you to waste anymore time. Be done with him.
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Old 12-20-2014, 10:59 AM   #4
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So, being less than thin is "wasting your life?"

I've been obese 44 years, since age 5, and I've had an awesome life. Maybe, it would have been even better if I'd been thinner, but "wasted?"

I'd be offended as ****... and would point out to him that criticising a woman's weight is the equivalent to criticising a man's penis size or sexual performance, and asking him if he'd really want you to "go there."

In fact, if I'd already seen him naked, I might just insinuate that I had just been too polite to mention his "shortcomings" in that particular area when he asked me if I'd change anything about him.

At best, this guy is an idiot.

Or maybe I'm just getting mean with age.
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Old 12-20-2014, 11:12 AM   #5
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I truly feel every woman in the world would be hurt by that response no matter their weight. It was really an insensitive thing to say and if he's saying something like this only 3-4 dates into the relationship think of what he'll say when he feels more comfortable around you in a month or even a year down the road. You deserve better than that! You deserve someone who will love you no matter your size.
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Old 12-20-2014, 01:07 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by shannylove View Post
He texted me goodnight and I responded and told him that I was kind of hurt by what he said. He said that he "knew that I would be hurt. But didn't want me to waste my life so he thought it was worth it."
Yeah, I would have said:

You are entitled to your opinion and you are completely right. I will not waste another moment of my life with a jerk like you. By the way, if I had been honest with you earlier but wasn't for fear I'd hurt your feelings, (mention something a long the lines of what he could be self-conscious about looks wise...)

I'm just mean.
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Old 12-20-2014, 04:54 PM   #7
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Wow, I'd drop him like sack of bricks, and I suggest you do the same. Anyone who would DELIBERATELY try to hurt your feelings isn't worth your time, and there isn't an excuse in the world that he could have for that that would excuse that behavior.

Don't waste your life on a loser like that. You can do better, trust me.
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Old 12-20-2014, 05:26 PM   #8
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Dump him.
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Old 12-20-2014, 06:23 PM   #9
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I can't imagine how you felt. What a jerk. What makes me sadder is that you said you were lying in bed. I'm already a sensitive person but if I'm naked with someone (i.e. my husband), I am in a very vulnerable place mentally and physically. It's hard enough talking about my diet with clothes on, I can't imagine my DH saying something about my body in a negative way when I'd have less (or no) clothes on.

I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
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Old 12-21-2014, 07:50 AM   #10
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I'd be offended as ****... and would point out to him that criticising a woman's weight is the equivalent to criticising a man's penis size or sexual performance, and asking him if he'd really want you to "go there."
I totally missed this statement. This is great advice right here!
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Old 12-21-2014, 05:21 PM   #11
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He doesn't sound like he is worth your time. I say get rid of him. There are plenty of guys out there, and unless you had like an awesome connection with him I personally wouldn't be able to get over that comment. It would always linger.
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Old 12-24-2014, 03:18 AM   #12
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Ah it felt really good to read these comments. Thanks for the support. I dropped him that night! lol Haven't answered him since. More than breaking my trust after being in a very vulnerable situation with him, it almost bothered me more that he said I was wasting my life. I life my life to the fullest everyday, regardless of how much I might weigh. Glad to have the support on here. Losing weight and living a healthy life can sometimes be a struggle, but I feel stronger every day. On to the next one!
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Old 12-24-2014, 05:16 AM   #13
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Well done shannylove! you deserve way better. X
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Old 12-28-2014, 11:29 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shannylove View Post
Ah it felt really good to read these comments. Thanks for the support. I dropped him that night! lol Haven't answered him since. More than breaking my trust after being in a very vulnerable situation with him, it almost bothered me more that he said I was wasting my life. I life my life to the fullest everyday, regardless of how much I might weigh. Glad to have the support on here. Losing weight and living a healthy life can sometimes be a struggle, but I feel stronger every day. On to the next one!
Way to go! You deserve so much more!
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Old 12-28-2014, 03:42 PM   #15
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Ah it felt really good to read these comments. Thanks for the support. I dropped him that night! lol Haven't answered him since. More than breaking my trust after being in a very vulnerable situation with him, it almost bothered me more that he said I was wasting my life. I life my life to the fullest everyday, regardless of how much I might weigh. Glad to have the support on here. Losing weight and living a healthy life can sometimes be a struggle, but I feel stronger every day. On to the next one!

That's wonderful!!! You deserve so much better!
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