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Internal and External Healing Advice

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Old 11-07-2014, 06:30 PM   #1
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Default Internal and External Healing Advice

I hope you are all doing well. I just wanted to see if anyone is in/ is currently in a situation similar to mine. I've been planning to write this post for a while now, and I finally got the courage.

I've been overweight since I was in middle school, and this is something that has ALWAYS held me back in life. I used my weight as an excuse for not being more outgoing socially. I didn't care about how I dressed or how I looked, because I always told myself that I'd make more of an effort to look physically attractive when I finally lost weight. The only issue was that I kept gaining instead of losing, which gave me even more of an "excuse" to prolong any positive change.

Guys made it very clear that I wasn't physically attractive to them. I remember that someone told one of my crushes that I liked him, and I honestly can't forget the look of disgust he gave me. I watched as my cousins and friends found boyfriends and girlfriends while I just sat back watching, promising myself that my time will come for a relationship. That incident happened when I was about thirteen or fourteen and now I am twenty-two and still waiting for my chance.

As if now, I have lost about 45 pounds, and I don't feel any more attractive. I still feel ugly. I'm trying to make myself feel more physically attractive by wearing my contacts, changing how I dress, wearing make-up, and trying to be nicer, but I feel as if it is all in vain. Guys don't even look at me. In college, my friends and I used to go to clubs and guys would talk to them and not me. Ugh.


Of course, I now understand that loosing weight isn't the only thing that I need to do to become more internally and externally attractive. I am working on my mind/attitude right now, because I know that I have to love myself before I can expect anyone else to love me.

I plan on giving myself a make-over, but I don't know where to start! I don't have a lot of money, so I'd need to find new clothes on a budget. Does anyone know any physical or online stores where I can get cheap but good clothes? Does anyone have any tips having to do with skin-care? What about makeup tips for people with small eyes?

More importantly, how do I make myself more confident?

Any advice about how to fix myself physically and mentally is welcome! Thank you!
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Old 11-10-2014, 11:16 AM   #2
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It sounds to me like years of putting off taking care of yourself for when you're smaller has affected how you view yourself.
You need to work on seeing yourself in a better light, which will show on the outside, believe me.
Start new "beautification" habits, collect nail polishes and start using them! Watch some YouTube videos on make up application and use what you learn.
I've been in your position before and even though I'm married, I still find myself in that position from time to time.
When that happens, I put extra effort into slapping some make up on (usually just mascara, eyeliner and lip gloss), doing something with my hair and putting on an outfit I like.
Take a long, hot bubble bath every week, get a pedicure if you can afford it, moisturizer your skin with some beautiful smelling body butter; all of this will go a very long way to improving your opinion of yourself.
As far as making over your wardrobe: I really recommend you look into capsule wardrobes. Basically, using only a few items of clothing to get many, many different looks. Not only is it easy on the budget, but when you're limited to only 10 or 15 items, they have to be pieces you love.
For me, right now I am wearing a LOT of leggings and tunics, tall boots, simple t shirts and jeans. My wardrobe comes almost exclusively from old navy because it's flipping cheap. I splurge on boots and outerwear because I need good shoes and a warm sweater or jacket.

I'd worry about making myself happy right now, and once you are happy, then worry about dating later.
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Old 11-10-2014, 07:47 PM   #3
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I have been where you are and I'm kind of still there. Having been obese, my entire life, I always felt unattractive like if only I lost weight, I'd for once be the hot one in my group of friends. Well yeah, I lost weight down to the 150s and sure, I looked okay in clothes, but my face was still my face, and my personality and hang ups were still there and that's the truth. If your value and sense of worth is linked to your weight, then it'll be hard to ever be happy and it took me getting to goal at 26 to realize that. I've had to accept that whilst I'm not a natural born member of Team Pretty Face, the wonders of make up and contouring and highlighting mean I can at least apply to join the team. AND I have other inner beauty things to offer that are apart from my face. Sure, I'm still painfully shy, but baby steps, my mind is getting in the right place. From observation, I've learned that things like eye contact and smiles are the things that bring the (interested) boys to the yard and so it won't hurt to make the eye contact and smile etc. It's hard, I know, because I still struggle to follow my own advice, but everytime I have, my mind has been blown as I get a smile and a hello back.

I highly second everything izzyboomama said. Check out YouTube for makeup tutorial. You can even search specifically for how to make smaller eyes bigger (I'm on Team Small Eyes as well) and things like that. I don't know what stores are in Miami but my main tip is I always shop sales racks. Even when I can afford better, I like a good deal. Old Navy has inexpensive basics. You can also really get a good deal at H&M- even cheaper than Old Navy in my opinion. Forever 21 also is priced well. I've never shopped at Forever 21 and Wet Seal but I have friends who swear by their deals. Strangely enough, Sears is a department store with really good deals on solid basics even if they are presented in an unappealing-looking way.

What would be considered a basic for you depends on what style you want to adopt and what your lifestyle is. I'm preppy and work a 9 to 5 so basics for me has always been dark pants or jeans, a cami or fitted shirt and a cardigan or blazer over it. Sometimes I will do a 50's style A-line dress with a cardigan over it, but mostly I do pants. I used to be into super flared, bell-bottomed legs for pants, but now I really like the skinny, fitted look.

Look in magazines or on sites like Polyvore and WIWT for inspiration if you don't already know what style you want to adopt. The Chic Fashionista also has a really helpful guide to helping you identify your style.
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