[kisskiss]

Originally Posted by LiannaKole

So, just chatting until the challenge starts, here.

I'm in a wedding for a friend coming up. I think it'll be a really nice wedding, and I think I'll have a good time overall. Only... this friend I've known since high school, she's always been very competitive with me on the most bizarre things. I found out just a few days ago from someone else that she is deliberately trying to make me not look very pretty as a bridesmaid. I'm very perplexed by this.

This friend is much smaller than me, like 115 lbs. She's also very pretty. I don't understand why she'd be threatened by me, if that's the reason she's doing this, especially since it's HER wedding. No one cares what I look like (except me and her, apparently).

So, this other person told me that my friend deliberately chose a dress she thought would look bad on me. The dress DOES look bad on me, with the color, and cut that is made for someone who is completely differently shaped than I am (and probably someone who is thinner than me). And then she planned to do my hair in an unattractive style, again on purpose.

I'm sort of gobsmacked by this. I'm not sure what to do, either. Probably nothing. I'll wear the dress, especially since this isn't the first time a dress didn't look nice on a bridesmaid - but I'm kind of hurt she did it on purpose. And I think I'll be able to talk our hair stylist into not giving me an ugly hairdo, but again, it stings a little that this woman who I consider to be my friend would try to make me look even more unattractive.

that's terrible of your friend. It's hard to upstage a bride on her wedding day, unless you're wearing a white wedding dress too! lol. Your friend sounds like she might be insecure. Just because she weighs 115 pounds, and because you thinks she's pretty doesn't mean she doesn't have issues about her looks. Are you sure the friend who told you this was being honest? Did you get any input on the dress or did the bride just make the decision? I've been in two weddings as bridesmaid and MOH, and both times I've been lucky that the bride gave me options on my dresses. I'd be hurt too, but I'm not sure how I would approach the bride, especially if may be she just has bad taste in dresses...

[tinneranne2]

Originally Posted by LiannaKole

she is deliberately trying to make me not look very pretty as a bridesmaid.

I find it really strange that your friend would intentionally choose things that are unflattering to you...but the way you describe your relationship with her makes it sound like this is an established pattern. If you don't want to bring it up to her, maybe try to find a way to see it as a compliment. You're just so ravishing that unless she throws you in a burlap sack, you'd be the center of attention.

Besides, everyone hates their dress as a bridesmaid. It goes with the territory, even when the bride is an angel. You'll look radiant so long as you smile.

[LiannaKole]

Yeah, I don't know what's going on. Honestly, if she really wanted the bridesmaids to wear burlap sacks for her wedding, I'd do it with no problem. I just don't love that she picked something because I wouldn't look good and I wouldn't like it.

I do trust the person who told me. They mentioned it because they thought it wasn't very nice, and to give me a heads up (they also have no reason to lie, and don't make a habit of lying). They were very confused about why she'd do that. And I am too.

The bride does have insecurity issues. She's just never tried feel better by making me feel worse before. I don't like it much.

I didn't get any input on the dress. Actually, at first I was supposed to, then she vetoed that and picked out individual ones for each bridesmaid (different colors and styles for all).

I'm not going to bring it up. I'm going to let it go and hope it's a one off and that it's because of the stress of planning her own wedding or something. If it becomes a regular problem I'll address it then.

Still, it's not a very nice feeling to have when I'm trying to celebrate her wedding with her.

[Riestrella]

It's so sucky that a bride feels that the day is about everyone looking at her. Sure, we all want to look beautiful on our wedding day, but to purposefully sabotage the look of the bridesmaids is going to ridiculous lengths to ensure all eyes remain on her. She definitely has some serious insecurity issues if that's true. The wedding should be about the bride and groom, not JUST the bride and how amazing the bride looks. It doesn't matter if a bridesmaid is "hotter" than the bride, because a wedding is an exchange of vows not a beauty contest. Sorry to vent, it just makes me angry when brides can be really weird about everything looking perfect.

For my wedding I'm actually going to have my bridesmaids choose their own dresses. I'm going to pick a colour and a length and they can find a dress that is flattering to them. I've seen other weddings do it and I think it looks awesome when the bridesmaids have different styles of dresses that suit them. My brother got married and I was a bridesmaid, I had to wear a sleeveless dress and it was a pale pink. I was a bit of a goth at the time so it was the worse thing ever! I also was really insecure about my boobs too, they're really big and I hated all the men staring at my chest (despite being 15) because the sleeveless cut left no room for the imagination.

[skittlesfirehawk]

I was not trying to be mean but In all the weddings I've seen and been in all the bridesmaid dresses look horrible.Its just kinda standard practice.its your choice if you wanna be in the wedding.i would rethink what kind of friend age was though or if I still wanted to be friends with her.

[levoguette]

It sounds like a tricky situation. If it were me, and it seemed to be the honest truth that she's trying to make me look bad at her wedding party, I would quickly either make up an excuse (politely) or tell her that she should find a different person to be part of her bridesmaid party (which could possibly end the friendship, but that doesn't sound like a bad thing if she always acts like this). She doesn't sound like someone who is a true friend! I feel that no one who truly cares about a person as a friend would want them feeling uncomfortably miserable or embarrassed at their wedding. They would want them to be able to enjoy themselves at the reception in order to participate celebrating their marriage.

I think everyone has made valid points and you have multiple routes you could take with this. If she isn't normally like this, I guess you could just blame her pre-wedding jitters on it, and let it slide. But, if this isn't the first time I would just consider removing this person from your life. You don't deserve to put up with being treated like this!
If she is part of a larger group of friends, and you want to avoid any drama amongst the group and avoid the risk of losing multiple friends, I would maybe come up with a polite excuse as to why you can't be her bridesmaid and leave it at that.

[LiannaKole]

Thanks for all your input, guys.

I'm not going to mention it to the bride. I'm going to treat this like it's a (hopefully) one time thing because of her wedding. If something similar occurs again sometime, I'll reevaluate and talk to her.

While I do not appreciate the reasons for her dress and hair choices for me, I'll live. It does make me view her differently, though. As for the dress, hopefully I can add a couple touches to make it a little less...what it is. And the person doing my hair agreed to style it nicer (she said it was her professional pride).

It helps some to know that I'm not overreacting by being a bit hurt by this. That makes me feel a little better, weirdly.

I'll just go, do my job as a bridesmaid, and then have a good time at the reception.

[LiannaKole]

kurisitaru: I think it's great that you'll get input from your bridesmaids on the dress. I've been in other weddings where that has happened, and it's always better. Often it helps find a price range that the bridesmaid can handle, and a dress she feels comfortable in. I had one where I had to buy a $300 dress that I would never wear again, and it was such a waste. And it's good that you realize that none of your bridesmaids will be stealing the spotlight. That's not fun when the bride is paranoid about that, either.

[LiannaKole]

What's a healthy food that you guys crave now that you're eating differently than you were before you began losing weight?

I've always loved vegetables and fruits, but ever since I started eating better, I LOVE peaches. Someone on another thread mentioned them yesterday, and now I want them very badly. There's nothing better than a perfectly in-season peach. Man, I'd kill for a few of those right now. Yum!

[thewalrus0]

@LiannaKole

Well since I gave up grains I eat most everything differently now, particularly 'sugary' treats and chocolate. I never liked dark chocolate before and now it is always 85% and I love it.

Also I replace sugar with honey and even then I go easy on it. So I make stuff like pudding and homemade coconut milk whipped cream and it is still delicious but I feel much better about it!

I was really big into junk food before starting this journey. Like, nachos made with Doritos and whole boxes of Mac n' cheese with extra cheese and entire pints of ice cream after dinner junk food. I would say nothing I eat resembles those things anymore and I am grateful for it!

[kurisitaru]

I crave mangoes a lot. And Hummus. I'm officially in love with hummus. I actually eat more variety now that I'm dieting then when I didn't. I use to have about the same meals with one new one (I love cooking) thrown in. Mac and cheese a lot, burritos, hot dogs, Chinese food. Now... I cook SOOOO many things and my snacks aren't just chocolates and chips, my snacks are fruits, veggies, hummus, yogurts, eggs, yogurt raisins, things with a small amount of peanut butter. I look forward to snacks now!

[Pink Hurricane]

Yay I am in!!

[nonameslob]

Oh my, looks like I missed the wedding talk. Lianna, I'm glad you made a decision you are comfortable with, but what a crummy situation!

As far as healthy things I crave....hmm. There's nothing constant, but my recent craving was cantaloupe. Before that, watermelon. Before that, strawberries lol So definitely fruit! The craving usually comes from just looking at or smelling a perfectly ripe piece of fruit, then I can't stop thinking about it unless I can eat it right away haha

[tinneranne2]

sliced apple and 2tbsp of peanut butter...I have it almost every day.

[skittlesfirehawk]

Today marks 2 months until my cruise.Its uber crunch time but I should make my goal with weeks to spare for extra pound loss.