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Maybe I am just meant to be Obese

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Old 10-26-2013, 01:57 AM   #1
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Default Maybe I am just meant to be Obese

I cannot lose weight I have been trying for 15 years. I am miserable. I keep saying I am going to do this stuff when I lose weight, and here I am 27 with no goals really accomplished because I am hung up on losing weight before I do anything. I want to be healthy and fit, but my eating habits I cannot control. My brain has to have fattening and sweet foods. Everyday I go through this. I just do not see how I can lose weight. It is all in my head and if I do not eat bad foods, I get extremely depressed and miserable. Food is really the only thing I got. How sad is that. I mean I have my family and friends but mostly all I do is work and eat. Food is my wife and best friend, but i hate it, but I love it. I just would like to know how it feels to be comfortable in my own skin and confident with the way I look one day. Thanks for letting me vent.
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Old 10-26-2013, 05:02 PM   #2
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hey husky, it sounds to me like at the moment you need maybe a more holistic approach to your weight loss. It's not just about eating less and exercising more, its about increasing your quality of life. It sounds like you are waiting to lose weight before you do any other things you want to achieve, but because you aren't doing anything other than "work and eat", it's really hard to lose weight, so you never get to do the things you want to. That can be really depressing- what's your meaning in life?

Fattening and sweet foods certainly hook us really well- it's not just us being weak, our bodies really want that stuff, it's how we've survived as a species.

I would start by getting some kind of activity in outside of work. Doesn't have to be exercise/weight loss related- just something you enjoy. Is that possible?

Have you thought about getting help for your mood?
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Old 10-26-2013, 05:07 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by huskyfella View Post
I cannot lose weight I have been trying for 15 years. I am miserable. I keep saying I am going to do this stuff when I lose weight, and here I am 27 with no goals really accomplished because I am hung up on losing weight before I do anything. I want to be healthy and fit, but my eating habits I cannot control. My brain has to have fattening and sweet foods. Everyday I go through this. I just do not see how I can lose weight. It is all in my head and if I do not eat bad foods, I get extremely depressed and miserable. Food is really the only thing I got. How sad is that. I mean I have my family and friends but mostly all I do is work and eat. Food is my wife and best friend, but i hate it, but I love it. I just would like to know how it feels to be comfortable in my own skin and confident with the way I look one day. Thanks for letting me vent.
I'm not in my 20s but your post touched my heart.

I always thought once I was in the 300s that this was just going to be my life I was dealt and being heavy was just part of my "plan".

Then I started eating right and exercising. The rest is history. And now I crave healthy, nutritious foods. (I wont lie and say the "bad" food isn't good or enticing...but it's not good for my waistline or my blood work.)

Wearing smaller clothes and getting attention from the opposite sex (even though I'm married) pays off way more than any ice cream sundae or pizza.

My improved health is worth so much more than feeling I have to eat unhealthy to be happy. And seriously, I love my "new" healthy foods!!

Good luck.
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Old 10-27-2013, 09:08 AM   #4
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I feel weird giving you any advice because I am going through exactly the same situation. Honestly - besides the work part and age, I could have written this myself. I'm 299 pounds, binging daily, isolating myself as much as possible, addicted to food, and putting my entire life on hold to lose weight - even though I'm not really trying to lose it.

I think that we're being very hard on ourselves. We claim to be unaccomplished, but we are holding ourselves back from accomplishing anything. The power to achieve is there. We aren't defective or broken, we are simply addicted to something and therefore giving up our lives because of it. We expect to suddenly, miraculously become everything we ever dreamed of, but since it can't happen quickly enough, we know food is always right there. Since overnight weight loss success is impossible, food is always right there for us. I am slowly working through this by allowing myself to be a human being. I am allowing myself to do this slowly. I'm not putting any limits or time restraints on when I should be successful, when I should be finished, when I should be at my dream weight. I'm not writing myself out of the game of life because I still live at home or because I can't wear my old size 18s. I am saying, "You know what? I'm human. I can and I will accomplish everything I need to, if I work consistently. And I am not timing myself in the meantime. I am not doubting myself or downing myself. I can and I will." I repeat the phrase "I can and I will" to myself every single day, because it's so much better than "Why haven't I yet?!"

I also quit putting my life on hold - and I promise you, this was a tough one for me. For many, many months I have been "trying to lose weight" so I can do certain things. And I have teeter tottered between losing and gaining the same five pounds for a year. I wouldn't buy clothes that actually fit, because in my mind there was no point. I would be fitting into the size 22s again soon... well, now the size 24s... okay, this size 26 is getting snug. See what I mean? I wouldn't wear make-up (which for me personally, is something I enjoyed doing) because I wanted to save everything for when I was smaller. My thinking was warped. I wouldn't go to this event or hang out with certain friends or post a new profile picture on Facebook. I wouldn't do anything because I wasn't "ready" yet. I honestly didn't want to do a single thing because I felt I was too fat and I had to wait until I was thinner. At the time I saw this as my way of motivating myself to keep going until I could allow myself these goals. But now I look back and realize it was an extreme amount of shame and guilt. The only reason I put my life on hold is because I didn't feel worthy enough to experience it. This was something I uncovered very recently, and I hope it somehow resonates with you (or anyone) because this is NOT what life is about. We are not promised a skinnier tomorrow, as funny as that sounds.

Life isn't about tormenting and torturing yourself. It isn't holding yourself back until you're worthy of self growth. Start allowing yourself to experience things. You may be 'fat' in the physical sense but you still deserve to enjoy life. Making yourself wait for a certain clothing size or number of pounds lost is mentally damaging. You don't deserve that. Work hard, enjoy life, and lose weight at the same time - do this, and in the long run, you will actually be able to maintain healthy habits.

I wouldn't even go and get a job. I'm 23 and I go to college full time. I live with my grandparents and I asked my grandmother, who I am very close to, if I could take this last semester of school, and focus entirely on losing weight. I asked her if I could just not work, stay at home, and focus on exercising and eating well - Biggest Loser style. Sounds crazy to you, but sounded perfect to me at the time. That is how I lost 93 pounds a few years ago, by the way. That is how I first left morbid obesity. It's the same reason I found every pound again, too. It isn't normal or healthy! What was I thinking?! I didn't want a job so I could focus ONLY on weight loss - and I have actually gained a few pounds since summer. The method of putting your life on hold does not work. It never will.

I am going to see a therapist for the first time in five years on Wednesday. I do recommend that you find a counselor you feel comfortable speaking with. I am also making an appointment with a doctor this week. I will also be looking for a job. I am no longer putting my life on hold or expecting some other worldly greatness out of myself.

By the way, you CAN lose weight - I say this with an honest concern for you, because I know your situation all too well. You CAN lose weight and you WILL lose weight. And keep it off. Do not doubt your God given capabilities to be amazing.
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Last edited by Hamoco350 : 10-27-2013 at 09:14 AM.
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Old 10-27-2013, 06:13 PM   #5
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Great posts. I too understand how you all feel. At times I find myself not wanting to be seen in public or not wanting to take care of my appearance, because what's the point? This isn't a healthy mindset and likely contributes to more failure. I don't have much more to say, besides that you definitely aren't alone in this way of thinking.
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Old 10-27-2013, 11:36 PM   #6
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All the other posts are right-on. I'd like to add if I may that although I'm definitely not the authority on losing weight, that I know from my personal experience that trying hundreds of diets would not guarantee weight loss, but a different lifestyle might. For me, that happened when I became a vegetarian.

I don't think being vegetarian was the "cure-all" but it made me more conscious of what I was putting into my body, which spurred (although I didn't realize it at the time), a whole lifestyle change.

The posts above definitely emphasize a lifestyle change, starting from finding a counselor or therapist you can talk to (since you mentioned you were feeling miserable, which makes me sad - so sorry to hear it!!) and other methods that help you gain back control over your eating habits, such as by letting you experience life again and not put your life on hold because of how you feel about your weight

I wish all the best to you on your journey <3 You look like a new member - stick around because this forum is a family; it really is
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Old 10-28-2013, 01:06 AM   #7
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Hi huskyfella!

I've been where you are (am still where you are, really) - I've been overweight since I was a kid, and 15 years in the future...I'm still overweight. I've tried oh so many times to lose weight and had some small successes followed by some impressive failures! At times, I let those failures weigh me down further. That's...not a good thing. We get enough flack from other people (friends, family, whoever) for being overweight without dragging ourselves down too, yeah? Understanding that and acting on it are different things, obviously, and I can't say that I never ever get down, but seizing the opportunities that life offers as they come is one of the big ways that I'm able to bring myself up again. If you're so far down you don't feel like you can start to climb out, I'll echo the others here who have mentioned trying out a counselor.

As for losing weight: there's no plan that works for everyone. If there were, well, this forum would be obsolete. There's no knowing what will work for you, except to jump in and try it. And if it doesn't work, then try something else! I've been a vegetarian, and on Weight Watchers, and counted calories eaten and exercised away, and every one of those attempts has informed me - what works for me, what doesn't - and has moved me towards something that ultimately will work.

I hope some part of this has been helpful to you. Good luck and hope to see you around the forums!
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Old 10-30-2013, 03:43 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hamoco350 View Post
I feel weird giving you any advice because I am going through exactly the same situation. Honestly - besides the work part and age, I could have written this myself. I'm 299 pounds, binging daily, isolating myself as much as possible, addicted to food, and putting my entire life on hold to lose weight - even though I'm not really trying to lose it.
This was an amazing post, I saved it and showed my friend who is going through exactly the same thing. He wouldn't try to lose weight the slow and steady way, instead going on crash diets that would never work. He doesn't want to go out with me, take pictures with me or anything and I'm bigger than him! Thank you for this post, I believe you have truly motivated him to stop putting his life on hold!
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Old 11-08-2013, 09:09 AM   #9
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Hamoco350, that was a seriously life-affirming post. I hope your journey goes well and you keep inspiring yourself and others!

To OP: none of us would be here if we didn't have days of doubt, confusion and even regression into old habits. But everyone's right that you deserve a good life even before you've lost weight. You sound like a good, hardworking person, and that's worth a lot! I'm sure that with the support of the great people on 3FC, some mental work of your own, and finding a plan that works for you, you'll one day be enjoying your life and your body.
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