Sometime I feel like if I try to look super cute and dress like skinny girls that are my age (but in plus size clothes), that others will think that I think "I can look cute just by dressing cute and no one will notice how fat I am".
Therefore, I don't dress as nice as I could or do my hair as cute as I could, because I think, what's the point...I'm still going to look bad.
Has anyone ever felt this way or thought that about other people?
I feel that way! I have cute plus sized clothes, but not that many and sometimes I wonder if there is a point, because right now, I don't like the way I look, but that's why were are changing our lifestyles right? To feel better and look better?
I see from your current weight you are close to my weight or closest I have seen, wanna be online weight loss buddies? :-)
All of the time (about myself). So much that I refuse to wear anything nice until I get down to 60 kgs. We are all programmed to judge everything, it's how we decide what's good or bad for ourselves. I remember a quote (I don't know who said it): "What other people think of you is none of your business". I'm trying to change my mind-frame towards this, but it is difficult to do without thinking of the horrible things that have been said to me and the glances I receive when wearing something nice.
I do however believe that clothes can look nice on anybody, no matter the body type, and it's all in how you wear the dress (accessories etc). I have noticed that the older we get the less our peers care about what we wear. We are too busy with our own lives!
Keep wearing what you feel comfortable wearing and, if you are with close friends, wear those nice dresses when you are with them. They'll stick up for you
I saw this from the main page. I am, e-hem, quite a bit older than you but I live in an area where all the other moms my age work VERY HARD on how they look. It's a full time job looking the way they do. Everyone dresses really well. Hair is always perfect, or perfectly unperfect. Make up is just the right amount of done/not trying too hard. Clothes are fitted perfectly and expensive. People make an effort, y'know?
I have been feeling TERRIBLE about how I look and not making an effort because I thought, why bother? All anyone will see is a fat girl trying to keep up. But you know, I've seen a few other bigger moms who do make the effort and...it's worth it! They look great! They look confident and like they belong. I wonder where they shop and I admire that they put in the time. And...I PROMISE YOU the other moms notice. You can't help but think better of someone when they look like they make an effort to care for themselves.
Don't put off ANYTHING "until I lose a few more sizes." Don't. Just...do not. I have been doing that for 15 years and all I've gotten is bigger (like, much bigger). I think now if I had allowed myself to take care of myself at ANY size, I wouldn't have let myself get to THIS size. The logic that says, "why bother dressing cute, I'm still going to be fat" is pretty much the same logic that says, "Why NOT eat that food I want or skip that work out, I'm still going to be fat." Take care of yourself NOW. If you find clothes you like, buy them. Have a few outfits you feel good in. Don't put it off. You are not less worthy NOW just because you're overweight. You can't self-hate or punish yourself thin.
This is my lecture. If I had a time machine, I'd give it to my 22 year old self but because I don't, you get it.
I totally agree with TheSecondHalf! Dress it up girl! I've struggled with the same thing. I always refused to wear yoga pants because I thought people would think I was "just a fat girl trying to look like she works out"...thing is, I actually am MUCH more physically active if I wear them, I walk faster, I squeeze in more jogging, and they are comfy! I don't care quite so much anymore now that I forced myself to just give them a try.
Dressing up can help you stand tall and look confident, even when you may be doubting yourself inside. Go for it!
I work in a retail store where I see hundreds of people a day. I'm always admiring peoples style & I can tell you that half the people I'm admiring are plus sized women. Wearing nice clothes, doing your hair, makeup, wearing jewelry, accessorizing, all make you look good no matter your size! The only thing that's going to make a plus size girl look bad is not taking care of yourself. If you look happy and confident no one is going to be thinking what you think they are!
I agree with TheSecondHalf too. I wasted 7 years waiting to live until I was smaller and I wish that I wouldn't have done that. I'll wear nice clothes when I lose weight, I'll look for a new job when I lose weight, I'll start dating when I lose weight...the list goes on and on. Now I'm 33 and am struggling not to dwell on all of that wasted time.
It doesn't take that much effort to do your hair or make yourself look nice when you're out. And I think that you'll feel even better. The key is to love yourself no matter what the number on the scale says. Don't wait to love yourself until you love that number. Be kind to yourself in whatever way that means to you.
Sometime I feel like if I try to look super cute and dress like skinny girls that are my age (but in plus size clothes), that others will think that I think "I can look cute just by dressing cute and no one will notice how fat I am".
Therefore, I don't dress as nice as I could or do my hair as cute as I could, because I think, what's the point...I'm still going to look bad.
Has anyone ever felt this way or thought that about other people?
I'm not in my 20s anymore but I read all the threads on the front page.
Your post makes me want to hug you and tell you that you are beautiful!! You are gorgeous in your profile picture, omg!
I say, as long as the clothes are the right size, embrace yourself at any size and work it girl!!!
I guess maybe now that I'm older (and larger...), I take extra effort to get my hair done every day, wear jewelry that might make me look flashy and put together, wear cute flip-flops or awesome boots to take the attention away from my big thighs or belly....I try to make myself pretty for me or my husband. I mean, I was over 300lbs and not exactly looking good, but I was put together when I was out in public. And I always wear my favorite body spray too. Pretty, pretty, pretty.
There was a post a few weeks back and I had written that I wore a dress/heels/tights to go grocery shopping. This dress is beautiful and much too fancy for a supermarket. But it finally fit (and hopefully wont in a month or 2), I'm living in the now!! I want to wear my pretty dress and not regret that I never had anywhere "fancy" enough to wear it!! We aren't guaranteed tomorrow, make yourself pretty today. For YOU.
I wouldn't put it off at all! If YOU feel like dressing up you should, and not care what anybody else thinks. Dressing up, or doing your hair, or even putting on a little makeup will make you feel very confident because YOU enjoy the way you look and that's all that matters. Don't put anything off. I used to feel that way a couple years ago and now that I look back at it, I wasted some great years of my life constantly worrying "I'll get that when I lose weight, or I'll do this when I lose weight" or I missed out on taking pictures of myself at places because "I don't look good". Live for NOW - you only have one life so live it up!
I know how you feel, and am going through some of the same things as you, but I think we should try appreciating our bodies more. I don't wanna get all preachy, but speaking from experience, it's hard to know when you really "are" thin because it happens so slowly and your mind doesn't really adjust. Even when I reached my goal weight (and went frighteningly below it) I never felt skinny, or happy, or comfortable about the way I looked. I think if I had developed a more positive outlook about my body while I was losing weight, and learned to appreciate it throughout all it's weight fluctuations, I would have been a lot happier. Now that I've gained most the weight back, I realized how good I had it, and wish I had appreciated it more. Just my two cents.
Something that's been really inspiring for me is "The Mindy Project." Mindy is a self-proclaimed "chubby" Indian doctor, but she doesn't let that stop her from wearing absolutely adorable outfits. Seriously, her style is to die for. Even though she's just a TV character, she's been a real inspiration for me, funny as that sounds!
I definitely feel the same way. I used to have such beautiful clothes and I took the time to make up my face and do my hair. When I do actually dress nicely, I look in the mirror and wonder why I even wasted my time. I hate how I look right now. Today, I've started a journey to change my life and the way I think. No more hiding behind fat for me. I'll enjoy my life and live healthy because that's how we're supposed to live. Time to be happy
Taking care of myself and learning to love myself as I am has helped with my weight loss. I used to think, oh I shouldnt do or buy X until I lose X lbs - and I stopped that. I should feel good about myself - I'm pretty awesome
Because I have gained back some of my weight, some of those thoughts came back. I wasnt going to buy new clothes or get my hair cut. But I forced myself to do it anyway - and I feel better. I am glad I bought the new outfit and cut my hair - I look better! I don't have a big mess of hair anymore and have at least one outfit I love that fits me right now.
I honestly do not care what other people wear. Which has made me think that other people probably do not care what I'm wearing.
I know very well what you're feeling. I've bought dresses thinking "I'll wear that when I've lost a few pounds". Which, of course, never happens. I'm on the border of plus-sized. I can fit into some large/xl sized clothing. But not all of it. I comfortably wear size 13 shorts, but I have to get a size 16 if I want to wear full-length jeans because my thighs are stupid that way.
This time around, I've decided that for every inch I lose on my waist, I can buy 1 new shirt. And for every inch I lose of my hips and thighs, I can buy 1 new skirt or shorts. Beyond that, I won't be buying any more clothes.
It's gonna be hard. I'm an impulse shopper. Now my closet is full of clothes I can wear "when I've lost a few".
I understand as I am sure many do. I am 28 and feel like I am at this strange point in life that I am not sure how to dress. My size just adds a whole other issue. In most stores, I fall right between plus sizes and misses. My misses tops are too small and my plus sizes are too large in the arms and can make me frumpy. So before I get sucked into filling out those larger sizes, I am fighting tooth and nail to not stretch out my current clothing. I joined this community knowing that motivation is key. Hopefully we are all going to be able to go on some serious shopping trips when our clothes are way too large!!
They judge me, in my mind...
