I am back here because I am starting to realize this has been the only effective way for me to lose weight. After gaining 30 pounds over the last few months, I realize how much I have neglected myself. I don't know what happened, life transitions, what have you.
I want to be in the body that I have always wanted and worked so hard for.
My weight loss journey has been a difficult one. I feel like I have been dieting my whole life on some level, and with very little results.
I stopped exercising about four months ago because I realized I was pregnant. I had a miscarriage about three weeks ago, and now I am depressed because I don't think i can have children. It's very depressing.
I guess it makes me realize how I need to focus on my husband and I's health more. I am trying to get him excited about weight loss efforts too. I guess we will see.
I guess I am just writing here because this is the only place where I feel that my thoughts about weight loss are recognized. In the flesh, it seems that people's egos, perspectives, or something gets lost.
The last few weeks have been kind of rough. I am so surprised how once I miscarriaged, all the people around me started to make comments on my weight. My friend came into town, only two weeks after my miscarriage, and nicely said that I should get back into my workouts. My father's comments about how women look on TV have upset me too, particularly because he called Michelle Obama a "fatass" on TV. It just upset me. My boss constantly talks about how she is a "fat a%$" and needs to lose more weight. She only weighs about 120, not 110 that she lost that weight. The pressure I feel from society to be thin is so scary. These warnings from people all around me sound like a sure-fire warning that if I don't thin up, I will never be valued.
This kind of thinking makes me sad. I remember when I used to weigh 155 and thought I still needed to lose twenty pounds. I sometimes wonder if I will ever feel comfortable in my own skin in this society.
That being said, I am giving in. I am not in my BMI and that's a good reason to start. The negativity and judgement from people all around about each other's weight is so unnerving. I think society should judge us more on our merits, not how to look. I work harder on that every day.
It's nice that my hubby wants to get in shape too. He's gained a lot of wiegh since we started dating (60 pounds), and I should be grateful I have him. I am glad my hubby isn't like my dad. I couldn't live with myself if my husband called me fat or said other women were fat. It disgusts me the kind of pressuere my father inadvertently puts on women wihtout even knowing it.
Oh well,I am here now, right? No matter how painful all their comments and perceptions are. I just feel upset with myself that I am giving in to their judgements. I feel like I'll never be good enough, no matter how much I weigh.
First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. I've never been in your shoes but I've seen my closest friend go through multiple miscarriages and I can imagine it's taking a mental and emotional toll on you. I hope you have a good support group to get you thru this difficult time.
That being said, I completely understand where your coming from when it comes to pressure about being thin and our own value. I've always been overweight but I gained about 40 lbs this past year and the more the scale went up, the more my self esteem went down. I understand that while putting on 40 lbs is a bad health move, it didn't change my personality or make me stupider but all I could think was 'you're so fat. you're so lazy. you're a failure. No one will want you.'
I wish I had a way to make other people's voices and judgment not matter but I don't and I try to remind myself that while I can't get rid of them, I can try to drown them out by a) surrounding myself with positive people who love me and support me while distancing myself from the others & b) practicing positive self talk-reminding myself often and out loud of my strengths and accomplishments.
Random thought, you said you're father doesn't know how is comments affect others. Do you think it would be worthwhile to maybe sit him down and discuss how his words make you feel? This could be a chance to educate him and build a closer relationship. If he brushes you off, you'll at least have the satisfaction of knowing you stood up for yourself.
Last edited by foreverfaye; 11-27-2012 at 07:03 PM.
I definitely get what you mean about people's judgments on others and wondering if you will ever be good enough for yourself.
I hate having friends who are completely thin - I mean some of my friends basically have 6 packs, and yet they call themselves fat and say they need to lose weight. I just laugh to myself and think "what in the world do you really think of me then?"
Also, maybe your friend wasn't trying to be rude when she said you should start working out again? If she noticed you are depressed maybe she was encouraging you to exercise to lift your spirits or to get back to your "old" self before your terrible loss. I would also say Im so sorry for your terrible loss. Things will get better, don't give up hope. My brother and his wife just had a baby and she also thought she would not be able to conceive (it really does happen when you aren't trying)
About your dad and his comments, Ive learned to let things go. I know what I think is beautiful. And it is NOT stick skinny. Im striving for the best ME, which won't be 100lbs. Probably 160 or 165. I've accepted that Im never going to be perfect - but I do want to be healthy. Just let your dad know that you two can agree to disagree.
Because when it comes to "thin" and "beauty" there is no right and wrong. If you think someone at 100lbs is gorgeous someone else may think they are too thin and you make think someone at 160 is fat and someone else may think they are just right. We all don't have to agree and we all will NEVER agree. So would you rather be happy with your body even though your dad doesn't agree or hate your body but your dad finally thinks your not fat anymore? You have to live w yourself! Set your goals off of what YOU want!
I've also feared that even when I lose weight I won't feel its enough and I'll never feel good enough. Now, I've still got a ways to go so I surely don't have all the answers, but I've found that most people agree this is a self esteem issue. A lot of people tend to build their self esteem when they lose weight - but they are two separate journeys. Loving yourself for who you are and loving your body for what it is, takes time and work. But I believe we can both get there. You don't have to lose weight to be good enough for yourself. You're ALREADY good enough for yourself. Your losing weight b/c you love yourself and you want to the best and healthiest you.
Im glad to hear you have a supportive husband, your a lucky girl! ^_^
Firstly, my heart goes out to you for your loss. I truly cannot imagine what it must feel like to go through a miscarriage but I know it's devastating at the very least. I hope you can have children and that one day you do.
If you want to lose weight for health reasons or for body image reasons (I know I have a lot of hang ups about how I look and how fat I am is the biggest one) just make sure you are losing weight for you. It's repeated over and over, but it's too much pressure to do it for anyone else other than you. Personally, I'm uncomfortable at my weight. I'm uncomfortable having my photo taken. I'm uncomfortable feeling like I'm not living my life to my greatest ability. For so long I've said I would lose weight but I never had much success and I believe it's because I never had the right motivation. Ultimately, I realized how much I do like myself (I'm still working on the love part) and how much I have to give to others but I need to give to myself first.
Taking care of our health makes all aspects of our life better. We live in a messed up society and messed up world in general. I also have family members who make derogatory comments about weight and other things and I thank my lucky stars that I don't see the world that way. People like you who see people for their hearts and minds do exist and there are a lot of them. When your dad makes rude comments about Michelle Obama (who is hot as heck if I may say so) ask him how a man of his age can insult another human being, especially a female. He might appear to not care but he probably will reflect on it and you might even start him on his own journey of personal growth. Who knows? As for societal pressures to be thin and beautiful, well they'll always be there but the more you focus on yourself the less you'll be affected by them. Society is a** backwards most of the time but we certainly do not have to be.
Thank you ForeverFaye, AsaladaDream, and Mimi for responding to my post!!!
It makes me feel a lot less alone.
ForeverFaye- Thank you for saying these things. I have felt that way since I gained thirty pounds, that mean self talk, but on another level, I have become really upset with society. I think you are right about listening to myself.
AsaladaDream-I think you bring up some good points that I had been fighting in my twenties, I would get down to my goal weight, then I would wreck those efforts, and I think it's because I haven't been happy with myself or my body. It's very true what you say about how loving ourselves and losing weights are two different journeys. thank you so much for sharing this.
Mimi-I totally agree! I think Michelle Obama is such a hottie!! It's disgusting what my dad said, but he's not someone i can stand up to. He doesn't exactly care what other people think about him, and his personal journey isn't one that asks for the opinions of others.
thank you all for your support! I love 3fatchicks.com. It's the best. I was so happy to see all these responses after I got off work! thank you!
Im sorry for your loss. I really hope exercising helps you feel better and having your husband to join you is fantastic! Don't worry about what society thinks. Everyone is insane. Life moves too fast to be worried about what others think. As long as you and your husband are happy and healthy. <3
I just want to hug you. I'm sorry for your loss - why do people feel like they have license to tell you this sh!t AT ALL let alone so soon after a tragedy? Seriously, the nerves.
Michelle Obama is NOT A FATASS and never was. Your father has no concept of what is and is not "fat." I'm so glad your husband, at least, is supportive and not a judgmental misogynist.
Please know most people are NOT like your father and don't TRULY care if someone is 30 pounds heavier or lighter.
I am so sorry for your loss! I think you should give yourself to time to grieve that pregnancy, even if it was unplanned. Second, you need to surround yourself with positive people. If your friends and family can't be nice, do not subject yourself to their cruelty!
You can accomplish any goal you set your mind to! We are here as a community to support you. Super hugs!!!
Gained 30 pounds
