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Old 09-17-2012, 06:01 PM   #1
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Default Conflicted about dating a guy.

I am really looking for help here so any help you could give me will be much appreciated.

I recently started dating a guy that is overweight. Now there is no problem with how he looks. For me he is the sweetest, most funny guy I ever met. I am really drawn towards him. Yet there is a problem.

He likes fatty food and junk food so the restaurants we has taken me are not of my fancy anymore. To be honest after 3 years of looking after myself fried wings and pizza just cause me indigestion and nausea when eaten in big quantities. In addition, I can't eat fried wings and burghers twice a week. It's going to undo everything I have accomplished.

Anyway I don't know how to tackle the matter and he has pointed to me I don't eat much when we go out, or that I only choose salad. I just don't know how to speak to him about this and whether I will offend him or hurt his feelings or have him think that I criticize him. I just want healthier options when we go out.

I don't know if I sound offensive or something... I mean I wouldn't mind if this was the kind of dinner I had once every 15 days but twice a week it's just too much!v Also I don't want him to think I am trying to change him or that I expect him to lose weight - this is not it.

I also don't know how to handle it cause all my previous bfs and dates were pretty balanced on where we would dine. This is the first time I am dealing with something like this. Am I horrible? Am I judgmental? I feel so stressed.

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Old 09-17-2012, 06:12 PM   #2
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I would say exactly what you explained to us to him. You have to be able to talk to him about things that could be taken the wrong way. Just talk to him honestly.
"Your past does not equal, nor does it dictate, your future."

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Old 09-17-2012, 06:13 PM   #3
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I don't think you're being judgemental at all, what you're saying is that you want healthier options when you go out to eat and that is your right and it's completely reasonable. Most likely he hasn't thought much about it because what he's eating is normal to him.

Are there places you could go with more variety on the menu? I'm sure you guys can at least compromise but who knows maybe he'll want to try something healthier too. I don't mean this in a 'trying to change him' kind of way either, just that if the option's there it might be worth a try.

I think you should just be honest, that it isn't what you want to eat but that it's perfectly fine that he does. It's about you, not him. You're your own person and there is no reason that you have to eat unhealthy food for somebody else. Maybe just avoid over using the word 'healthy' as he could take that as a criticism of his own food habits.

Good luck!
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Old 09-17-2012, 08:13 PM   #4
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Why aren't you picking out the restaurants half the time at least? He suggests where to go for one date, then the next time you can suggest a place. You can also cook together instead of going out - twice a week would be a lot for me.

Are you sure this isn't a money issue instead of a dietary issue? Is he paying for all of your dates?

I lost 40 lbs between Nov 2010 and Nov 2011 doing low-sugar for my "50 Pounds in 50 Weeks" project. I bounced halfway back up so I'm back for more!

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Old 09-18-2012, 11:31 AM   #5
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Does he know you're looking to lose weight and eat healthfully? I don't think that should be a secret or something you keep under wraps - I'm sure if he knew he would respect your choices and be supportive by choosing places with healthy options that are actually appealing (i.e. not just a Caesar salad).

Good luck!
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Old 09-18-2012, 12:52 PM   #6
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He could be tying his insecurities into you eating with him. When I was not caring what I ate, I would pressure my fiancÚ to eat unhealthy food with me so I didnt feel so bad about eating unhealthily. It made me feel better to be eating with someone, more "normal"

I feel it's a red flag that he seems to be getting annoyed at your food choices. No one has the right to comment/insist on what you eat. I might be concerned is guy may have controlling tendencies.

My January Daily Weigh In!

Goal 1: 210lbs (20lbs lost) (Sept 21st 2012)
Goal 2: 199lbs (onederland!)
Goal 3: 196lbs (no longer obese!)
Goal 4: 180lbs (weight I was when I met my fiance)
Goal 5: 164lbs (normal BMI)
Goal 6: 150lbs (final goal weight)
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Old 09-18-2012, 01:32 PM   #7
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Personally, the bigger concern for me would be that he has such a different lifestyle than my own and how that would play out in the future.

Is food the only lifestyle difference? If so, just address that you don't care for the food he does and you'd like to find some places to eat where you both can enjoy yourselves.
Weight watching, bourbon loving, foodie and baker. Triathlete. Atlanta native. American Outlaw. USMNT, MLS, Falcons and UGA lover.

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