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"Is that part of your diet?" (A rant)

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Old 08-12-2012, 02:34 AM   #1
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Default "Is that part of your diet?" (A rant)

I love the people around me who love me and care enough about me that they truelly want me to succeed. I appreciate that they try their best to "support" me, BUT asking me questions like "Is that allowed on your diet?" OR "Did you work out today?" OR "Well are you GOING to workout today?" ARE NOT HELPFUL!!!!

I understand that I've tried and failed before, BUT I am trying again and I've been doing really well and I really don't need to feel like a criminal everytime I eat a carb!

I DO NOT want to explain why I'm not working out today! I DO NOT want to explain my diet plan to you everytime I put food in my mouth! I DO NOT want to have a lifestyle vs. diet conversation, again! I DO NOT want to explain to you how I had "planned" for this treat! I DO NOT want to be forced to explain myself all the time! BUT if I must do it, I only want to explain it ONCE!!!

...I DO NOT need you to look at me with fear in your eyes that I have fallen off the wagon when I'm simply on my day "off" or having an "off" day!

IF I "FALL OFF THE WAGON" I WILL DO IT REGARDLESS OF YOUR QUESTIONS, YOUR WISHES AND YOUR "SUPPORT"! I WILL FIND A WAY!!!

...And please, when I try to tell you how you CAN help and be TRUELLY supportive, DON'T GET MAD AT ME!!!!!! Right or wrong, that is what works for me, so either do it, or do nothing and leave me alone!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you
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Old 08-12-2012, 04:26 AM   #2
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I don't even tell people when I diet. Its none of their damned business.
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Old 08-12-2012, 08:20 AM   #3
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I solve this problem by never telling anybody I am dieting.
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Old 08-12-2012, 09:33 AM   #4
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Good for you! I know how you feel. I do tell people that I'm dieting because I do enjoy their support and people very close to me of course are going to know that I'm losing weight and see the changes I'm making - but you can't explain how you can "afford" to eat the bad stuff once in a blue moon - because you worked out extra or have a calorie deficit, etc. My husband finally quit asking me. He saw me eat a bowl of ice cream the other day and didn't say a word - because he knows I'm still losing weight...and not gaining. So he sees that I am doing something right. But I've had friends before that literally tried to order for me in a restaraunt. It's annoying. I see your ticker and you are doing a GREAT job!! Keep up the good work!!!!
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Old 08-12-2012, 09:36 AM   #5
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I agree with the others here- I don't tend to tell people that I'm dieting. Once you tell them, they think it's their business to jump in whenever they want.

Sounds like a mom or a sister who's nagging you.
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Old 08-12-2012, 09:37 AM   #6
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Well the "never telling people you're dieting" works if you have 5 or 10 pounds to lose, when you've lost a substantial amount people ask questions, and think it's their business. I get this from always skinny people, people who have lost quite a bit of weight, and people as big or bigger than I've ever been.

I had this happen at my Grandma's birthday from my two aunts whom have both lost about 50 pounds.

I can relate to the OP, it stinks. I feel more self conscious now than when I was at my heaviest.
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Old 08-12-2012, 09:42 AM   #7
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Yeah that's why I didn't tell anyone either. Of course you can only do that for so long before it becomes obvious that you're doing something...

Keep on going! Prove everyone wrong!
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Old 08-12-2012, 09:51 AM   #8
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On my now 5yo's birthday, I went to have a second small piece of cheesecake. My dh said something like, "are you sure you want to eat that?" After that comment, he was lucky I didn't eat the rest of the darn cake. I do not like to be told not to eat something.
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Old 08-12-2012, 10:48 AM   #9
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I usually don't tell people about it either, but in this particular case I'm talking about poeple who you may live with... Who see what you are doing/eating, and who see that you are working out. Can't really be covert about it at home...

...and it's true, you can only keep it private for so long, because as soon as people notice changes, even people you aren't close with, they feel as though discussing it is a part of public record. I think they mean it as acompliment. With non-family, I'm pretty comfortable telling people to mind their own buisness (politely, of course).
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Old 08-12-2012, 10:58 AM   #10
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You have to have a conversation with those people. Be real. Tell them the things they can and cannot say to you right now. I have it easy as I am away from all of my friends and family right now, but in the past I have had they same experiences. You have to be the leader of your life and not worry about hurting their feelings. This is about you. You have to say out loud to them what is acceptable and what brings you down and why. If they didn't understand before they will after your talk. And if they don't you are going to have to make a choice. When the conversation comes up again you will have to take the lead and cut them off.

You can do it! Its about you and your lifestyle change right now - not about them or hurting anyones feelings. I actually had to tell my Mom (who I love to death) not to tell me how proud she is off me and not to ask me every time we speak how the "Diet" is going. I know I hurt her feelings a bit as I am 3000 miles away but the only person right now I am accountable to is me. I had to have the same conversation with my brother. That one didn't go as well but I had to take a stand. I won't tolerate having to listen to tirades when and if I go off plan. Its not their life its mine.

Good Luck
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Old 08-12-2012, 11:09 AM   #11
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I know exactly what you mean. People in the office are in the same breath telling me how great I look (which makes me cringe) and the warning me off the banana I'm about to eat..." It has lots of calories you know, you'll put it all back on again!"
I laugh Nd tell them it will be fine asI am running 5 miles tonight (whether I am or not) generally that shuts them up as they struggle to drive 5 miles without getting out of breath!
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Old 08-12-2012, 12:05 PM   #12
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my best advice would be to just say to them, that you want this to be permanent, so sometimes you're gonna eat _____ if you want to, and sometimes you're gonna take a day off from the gym. you can't burn yourself out because you don't want to give up and want this to be a lifestyle change.

something along those lines. firm, but not mean. hopefully they will understand some, and back off.
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Old 08-12-2012, 12:12 PM   #13
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I can understand your frustration. I used to get that quite a bit. Now I don't even share anything. If asked if I'm in a diet I politely reply I'm just watching what I eat, making healthier food choices. They tend to go away after that...keep up the good work!
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Old 08-12-2012, 12:14 PM   #14
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I'm going to agree with the majority here. Everyone has their own idea of what's healthy or not healthy, what's allowed and what isn't. In their minds they are being supportive, especially if you've had quite a few slip ups in the past. The best thing to do is just not to tell people in your everyday life that you're losing weight until they start noticing it on their own.
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Old 08-12-2012, 12:21 PM   #15
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I am really lucky I have a family that is fully supportive of me and makes sure I have what I need to continue what I am my diet. BUT, my son is my did you do this today or take all your vitamins today....and normally it would irritate me too! But I have had some really off weeks with my weight loss and although not cheating it does get frustrating. He has been a really big help in the days where I can't take one more bit of food and still have to swallow the horse pill vitamins or when he sees my protein serving and says; " MOM that isnt enough weigh it." Laughing, most of the time he is right.
I wish you had that kind of support when asking questions because it does help and not frustrate.

Keep up the good job
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