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Old 06-13-2012, 02:34 PM   #1
Pain Is Fuel
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Default Dismissed Due To Being Young

Hey there!
My mother had struggled with her weight her entire life. Ranging from being super skinny and healthy to being very overweight and disgusted with herself. I have witnessed her go on and off many diets and exercise routines, lose weight and gain it back. In her adult life she has never succeeded in losing weight and keeping it off. I know the same is true for hundreds of thousands of people in the world.

Last year I managed to lose 50lbs through hard work, eating right and sticking to a plan. She always made silly comments about how I am "crazy" or "to dedicated" but I chalked it up to being jealous. She started really getting on my case when I hit 130, telling me I was to skinny and needed to regain some weight. I attempted to explain to her that at 130 and 5'5 I was totally within a healthy weight range. My mom started asking me for tips to lose weight but whatever tips I would tell her she would completely dismiss because "I didn't know what I was talking about". For example her breakfast is a milk shake, made with full fat ice cream, some meal replacement and maybe fruit. I told her she should switch the ice cream out with Greek yogurt or some milk and ice because that would give her better nutrition. She told me no because the ice cream has the calcium she needs and that a calorie is a calorie no matter what. When I attempted to explain that sure calories are calories but it does make a difference if its a calorie from bad fat or good fat she laughed telling me I was insane?! What?! I'm not the one eating ice cream for breakfast lady, sheeesh.

However she is not the only person to do this. My old boss at work used to do the same thing, ask me for advice and then dismiss what I have to say. My fiances parents do it to him to saying that he "couldn't possibly know what he is talking about". It has happened several other times as well but I am sure you get the idea now so I will quit my rambling.
Does anyone else experience this?
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Old 06-13-2012, 02:38 PM   #2
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Location: Near the coast in Texas
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S/C/G: 240/150/130

Height: 5 foot 4 inches


Yes lol. I love it when people ask you "how you did it" and then completely act like you have no idea what you are talking about! My neighbor does this.. well she does this for everything, so I am not suprised.
My mom is also over weight.. the other day I was happy to see that their scale had 1/2 pound marks along with the pound markers. I weighed less.. I was telling her this and the first thing out of her mouth was "oh so you haven't lost as much as you thought!" Actually, I lost more. Thanks mom
One for every 10 lbs gone forever!!

First goal- 220 DONE!
Second goal- 199- DONE!
Third goal - 170 DONE!

Fourth goal- 150 (never seen this weight before!)DONE!
Fifth and final goal- 130
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Old 06-13-2012, 02:48 PM   #3
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S/C/G: 230/ticker/150

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I get this with my parents too. My dad REFUSES to eat most vegetables and he hates fish. In fact, his diet consists mostly of cheese, sausages and meat. He goes to the gym for an hour and a half every night. Last time I saw him I saw him I told him he needs to fix his diet and incorporate healthy fats (like nuts and legumes) and more veggies and that he should cut his cheese consumption WAY down. I told him the "diet is for weight loss, exercise is for fitness" mantra and he scoffed it all off.

He told me nuts are too fatty, legumes are gross and that cheese has calcium which he needs for bone health since he's working out all the time.

What -REALLY- bothers me is that he's a controlling person who won't only make poor choices for himself, but for my mother, his wife, too. He won't let her cook fish in the house because he doesn't like the smell. He won't let her buy veggies because he thinks they're a waste of money. She's morbidly obese and gets sick every time she goes somewhere because her immune system is shot and I feel bad for her. There's some control issues there too and he won't let her get a driver's license or leave the house without him. At least when I lived with them (he didn't want to let me leave either, I had to basically plan my entire move behind his back so he wouldn't sabotage it) I took her to fish places or for salads or wraps and out places and she got sick less often and got some movement in her (like a walk around the mall). Now she's just getting worse and worse because of his control.

When I tell her she should become independent or demand fish/veggies/healthier stuff she says "oh, your father's joy is his food and he works so hard, he should be able to eat what he wants in his own home and not have to deal with things grossing him out"

Sorry, this went off topic, but the rant pretty much wrote itself once I got started.

Yes, people not taking advice or giving you credit for your efforts really sucks.

My January Daily Weigh In!

Goal 1: 210lbs (20lbs lost) (Sept 21st 2012)
Goal 2: 199lbs (onederland!)
Goal 3: 196lbs (no longer obese!)
Goal 4: 180lbs (weight I was when I met my fiance)
Goal 5: 164lbs (normal BMI)
Goal 6: 150lbs (final goal weight)

Last edited by Katbot24; 06-13-2012 at 02:48 PM.
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Old 06-13-2012, 02:48 PM   #4
There is no try.
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Location: Nebraska
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S/C/G: 281/T/140

Height: 5'6"

Default re:

It's not because you're young, trust me. It happens to me and I'm 42. It seems difficult for people to ask about or compliment others on weight loss without some sort of advice or hints about the "right way"

I don't know why that is really. It could be jealousy, concern, or something entirely different. All you can really do is listen politely to what they say then continue to do what works for you.

High - 281
Current - 252
Low - 159 (2012)
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Old 06-13-2012, 02:48 PM   #5
Staying the Same
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Some people don't really want to hear tips. Smile and nod, smile and nod. I don't know if this is about age though.

It pains me to watch my mom eat frozen chicken pot pies and an 80% carb diet but it's her body, her choice, and not my job to enlighten her or change her ways.
Push on some more!

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Old 06-13-2012, 05:11 PM   #6
Move over Kim Kardashian!
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Montreal, Canada
Posts: 1,136

S/C/G: 220/ticker/135

Height: 5'5"


My mom does that. She asks me to help put her on a plan and when I start asking her she plays the innocent victim, I dont eat that, I never do that, I dont eat anything bad...

It's so annoying I just tell her to stop. And I walk away, when she's really ready to lose weight, she'll come to me and stop victimizing herself.

She's clearly not eating right if she's 60lb overweight...
Goal Weight:

One cheerleader for every 5lb lost!

No Ice Cream!! Shrinking!! Ride a bike!! TAKE MY PIC!!GOALL!!!!
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Old 06-13-2012, 06:18 PM   #7
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Height: 5'7''


you know what works best for you, you've done it before. haters gon' hate, regardless of it its family or not. keep on doing what you think you need to do.

p.s. trying to justify ice cream for breakfast sounds really silly to me, too.

starting over again. again.

191 lbs -- out of obese BMI
180 lbs -- by my 10 year reunion?
172 lbs -- last lowest weight
159 lbs -- normal BMI
150 lbs -- goal!
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Old 06-13-2012, 07:09 PM   #8
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The old "Eh, you are just a kid, whaddaya know?!"

It disappeared once I hit 25.

Just keep on being you. As you say, they ASK for the advice and then want to ignore it? It's their loss, not yours.

Started Jan 2016:
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