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Old 06-09-2012, 10:50 PM   #1
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Angry Friend angry at me

So I have this one friend I work with and she and I are both overweight. It's never been an issue until recently. Today she invited me out to lunch and I informed her that I'm attempting a 24 hour IF but that I'd gladly sit with her and keep her company. She blew up on me! She said I should stop the healthy act and that just because I lost a few pounds it doesn't make me special and she's tired of everyone making a fuss over quote "two or three measly inches" (our boss gave me a pedometer left over from a health initiative last year to support my walking efforts earlier in the day)

I'm hurt, a little surprised, and a little mad, to be honest. I try not to talk about my journey, in fact people didn't even know till they noticed the change and asked...and I don't believe I act different. Either way, it totally ruined my focus and I broke my fast on the way home with some junk food, stupid I know. I'm climbing back on the IF train after a healthy dinner and hopefully it works out better.

My January Daily Weigh In!

Goal 1: 210lbs (20lbs lost) (Sept 21st 2012)
Goal 2: 199lbs (onederland!)
Goal 3: 196lbs (no longer obese!)
Goal 4: 180lbs (weight I was when I met my fiance)
Goal 5: 164lbs (normal BMI)
Goal 6: 150lbs (final goal weight)
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Old 06-09-2012, 11:01 PM   #2
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Wow, that was pretty hateful of her. Be careful, hanging out with her might not be good. I have never encountered someone like that! Maybe zhe is afraid she be the only fat one left behind? Jealousy? I would be upset and angry too!
Celebrate every small victory!

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Old 06-10-2012, 12:09 AM   #3
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Good for you for your efforts and success and climbing back on the IF effort after a healthy dinner. I would have lost my focus, too, and probably eaten a donut, after such an outburst from a friend.
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Old 06-10-2012, 01:24 AM   #4
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Honestly... shitty friend.

I've had this. Someone who cares for you, should support you. Maybe she's a little jealous because you're getting healthy. Maybe she's annoyed because other people pester her about her weight and then her friend suddenly doesn't want to munch down on chips with her because her friend is losing weight. Instead of saying "Oh... good for you" she took it as you hinting at something about her. She's probably self conscience.

Personally... keep doing what you're doing. Be proud of a loss, and maybe don't rub it in her face, but if she EVER freaks out like that for any reason, tell her straight. Your life. You want to be healthy. It's not a "fad" or a "farce" it's real. You're making changes and she can either get behind you and support you, or just ****ing move on and find friends she's more comfortable being around.

Honestly, weight loss is hard. It's like... being addicted to something and trying to quit. If you're quitting cigarettes because they are bad for you and you NEED the change, the last thing you need is someone trying to pester you into smoking again or even hurting you so bad you feel like you need a cigarette. It works for weight loss too. I'm also an emotional eater... when people help me, I do better, when people hinder... I can falter.

Either way, I'd stick to it.
I've decided to leave 3FC, In the crowd of so many, those of us with no success that have the audacity to feel bad about our incredibly slow and almost stagnate weight loss, are merely a nuisance to those that are successful. I hope everyone else finds the support they need.
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Old 06-10-2012, 02:24 AM   #5
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Sorry but that is no friend at all.

HW- 317
CW- 280.4
GW- 150

1st MG 300lbs ✓
2nd MG 275lbs
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Old 06-10-2012, 03:43 AM   #6
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If this isn't "like her" and she apologizes (and it doesn't keep happening), I would chalk it up to her having a really lousy day and taking it out on whoever happened to be close when she broke down.

I'm one who usually won't say critical stuff to others (even when they DO deserve it), but I've sometimes I've been almost at the breaking point (and so, so, so glad afterall that I didn't say the stupid things I was thinking). I've never exploded at work (but have with close friends and family, though usually I'm the one people break in front of, rather than the person doing the breaking).

Being the "fat girl" in an office when another office-mate is losing weight can be extremely stressful. Whether you're trying to lose weight yourself or not, it seems that almost everyone is telling you, all day long about how the other person is doing and how great they are (with looks that seem to say how little they think of you for not doing the same). All day long, people praising the weight loser and talking or asking about what they're doing to lose weight - and asking you about your own plans to (or not to) lose weight. And those who aren't going on and on about weight loss weight loss, seem to be giving you the evil eye and wondering why you're not losing weight (and some are asking you out loud, to your face).

It used to stress me out terribly when someone else in the office was losing weight (even more so if the person was smaller than me - and almost everyone in the office was smaller than me). Everytime someone would come up to my cubicle, the conversation always lept (sometimes within seconds) to "have you seen so and so, and how much weight (s)he's lost. Doesn't (s)he look great? How much do you think (s)he's lost? How do you think(s)he's doing it? I heard (s)he's doing x? Have you ever tried x? Wow, isn't (s)he awesome, and wow don't you suck? (Of course they never say the last part, but you suspect they're thinking it).

If she doesn't apologize and isn't mortified by her behavior, then I agree it's probably not a friendship worth keeping.
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Old 06-10-2012, 03:05 PM   #7
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I agree with everyone else, someone who treats you in such a manner is no friend to you. I sincerely hope that she is mortified by her own behavior and apologizes to you for acting so silly. Maybe she was just having a off day and had a slight mental break down? Its possible she is very jealous of you and feels ultimately inadequate.
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Old 06-10-2012, 03:16 PM   #8
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I just stumbled across third thread, and my reaction... What a horrible person. Yeah, ok she might have been having an off day, but still!! I would have turned round and walked off if someone said that to me.

You're the one making a difference, bettering yourself. And surely if she was a friend she would want you to be healthy.

It does sounds like jealousy. which is a shame because she could make a change too, but it sounds like she either doesn't want to or doesn't know where to start.

I hope she's apologised, and maybe even asking how you're plan is going and might even confide in you that she wants to join in... Stranger things have happened.

In the mean time, keep doing what you're doing if its working for you, and although its hard, try to ignore the sometimes negative comments that might come your way.

All the best hunny

Starting Weight 10/04/2012: 314.15lbs
Mini Goals 08/07/2012: 299.8lbs
Onederland: 180lbs
Target of 150lbs or finally happy with my body:
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Old 06-10-2012, 03:31 PM   #9
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I'm sorry she parked it at your door but I hope you see it has NOTHING to do with you.

It sounds like it has to do with her own issues.

I hope she comes to her senses and apologizes for the blow up. You don't deserve to have that coming at you.

Started Jan 2016:
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Old 06-10-2012, 03:41 PM   #10
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I agree with apostrophe.

It sounds to me like she is projecting her anger at herself that she feels when she sees your accomplishments.

Or, she could just be a shitty friend.

It's happened to me, and it sucks. I hope you can work it out, either by her changing her attitude, or you ditching her.

Trying like crazy not to fit into my genes.

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Old 06-10-2012, 04:13 PM   #11
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I agree that her behavior on the surface was abominable. However, if she is a good friend and this is totally out of character for her, you might give her the benefit of the doubt -

-Maybe she wanted to have a heart to heart talk at lunch about something and you telling her you would come with and essentially watch her eat while you ate nothing was not the kind of chat environment she had in mind?

-Maybe she desperately wants to lose weight and you were her only friend going through those same feelings, and now she doesn't even have you to commiserate with?

-Maybe everyone in the office is making her feel like a miserable failure by drawing comparisons between your success and her failure?

-Maybe she has health or hormonal issues that are affecting her mood?

Anyway, if she is a good friend, it's worth a conversation to discuss what happened and try to work things out. If she is just a work acquaintance that you are not very close to, you can still chalk it up to a bad moment on her part, and move on keeping your distance in the future.
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My Reboot Journey Weight: 155 - March 6, 2017
My Lowest Journey Weight: 139 - October 2016
Original Journey Starting Weight: 212 - June 2010

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Old 06-10-2012, 04:43 PM   #12
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Sounds to me that she's frustrated at herself because she's struggling with her weight loss and she's taking it out on you, who appears to be more upbeat and focused on losing weight.

You should let her know that she was completely out of order for what she said, that losing weight is very important to you and she needs to respect that.
Taking a break from 3FC, thanks guys!

Goal 1: Halfway point to borderline Overweight/Healthy BMI~ 165 lbs
Goal 2: Weight when I was 17 ~ 159 lbs
Goal 3: Borderline Overweight/Healthy BMI ~ 150 lbs
Goal 4: Lightest weight ever! ~ 148 lbs
Goal 5: Lighter than Boyfriend ~ 145 lbs
Goal 6: Halfway point to Healthy BMI ~ 140 lbs
Final Goal: Midpoint of healthy BMI range (21.6) ~ 130 lbs
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Old 06-10-2012, 05:48 PM   #13
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I agree with the other posters - sounds like she's frustrated with her own progress, maybe. And I would consider bringing it up to her in a kind way that she can't freak out on you like that. Maybe ask her if anything is wrong and if you can help.

Also, she may be under the common misconception that once you lose weight, you don't have to be healthy anymore. When really you have to maintain the weight loss by maintaining the healthy habits.
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Old 06-10-2012, 09:38 PM   #14
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Lobster in a bucket. Don't let her drag you down or detract from your happiness with your lifestyle change.
Push on some more!

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Old 06-11-2012, 01:57 PM   #15
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I say whatever! You are doing great! Do not let her negative attitude affect your weight loss.. show her how dedicated you are by continuing on and leaving her in the dust!!!
One for every 10 lbs gone forever!!

First goal- 220 DONE!
Second goal- 199- DONE!
Third goal - 170 DONE!

Fourth goal- 150 (never seen this weight before!)DONE!
Fifth and final goal- 130
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