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Old 05-29-2012, 03:28 PM   #1
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Unhappy Mean mom

So I met with my mother over lunch. It's important to point out here that my mom is not a very nice person, neither of my parents are, really. They're controlling and antisocial...I'd even go so far as to say toxic people. They despise my fiance because he comes from a poor family and think I can do better. They've refused to come to our wedding reception and are only coming to the ceremony because my grandpa shamed them into it.

Anyway, I keep in touch with my mom because she's a stay-at-home wife and gets lonely and I feel bad for her. We were talking about my upcoming wedding today and the subject of a dress came up. I told her that I'd like to go alone to pick my dress because I want to pick something for myself. (What I -didn't- say is that she always controlled all my decisions and bullied me via picking on my fragile self-image if I crossed her. Considering how much she approves of my upcoming marriage, it would have been a disaster if she had come). She said she doesn't care and wouldn't have come anyway in a huffy tone.

I felt relieved that it went so well, I had been fearing a dramatic outburst. She got a final jab in just as I was leaving. She said:

"By the way, remember that you're fat. Don't pick something too tight."

Self esteem shattered.
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Old 05-29-2012, 03:32 PM   #2
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Toxic is right!! I can't believe she said that! Just remember that a bride looks good in any dress as long as she looks happy.
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Old 05-29-2012, 03:36 PM   #3
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WOW! That is horrible! I am sorry she is being this way! She sounds like a bitter old woman.. I wouldn't let it bother you.
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Old 05-29-2012, 03:36 PM   #4
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That is horrible I am sorry that your family is like that to you! It is good that you realize this is how they are and you can't change that, but don't let it get you down. I've noticed that the people that try to knock you down are just projecting their own insecurities on you.

I am sure you will look beautiful in your wedding dress! If I was you I would not let them come to the ceremony. If they cannot be happy for your why would you want them their on the most joyous day of your life? Unfortunately you cannot pick family, but you obviously don't need them if they bring this pain to your life.
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Old 05-29-2012, 03:37 PM   #5
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I am so, so sorry you've had to go through that.

On a discussion about strained parental relationships, someone on this forum recommended the books 'Emotional Vampires: Dealing with People who Drain you Dry" and "Toxic parents." Maybe it would help you to do some reading so you don't feel so alone.

I'm so sorry you're going through this during a very happy time in your life. Your parents should be happy for you, not shaming you. Don't listen to them. I'm sure you will be a beautiful bride!

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Old 05-29-2012, 03:38 PM   #6
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Oh that's horrible

Too bad you can't pick your parents eh?

Don't let her bring you down, be excited about your upcoming wedding!
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Old 05-29-2012, 03:39 PM   #7
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OMG......TERRIBLE.

I don't know how I would have handled that one. Honeslty I would have cut my mother off if she treated me like that.

Dont let her hurtful words get to you.
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Old 05-29-2012, 03:47 PM   #8
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Oh, honey.

Just remember, parents are just people, and sometimes they're sh*tty people. Your mom was simply going for the soft spot, the thing she knew would hurt you. If it was me I'd wear a perfectly fitted dress that I adored and looked AMAZEBALLS in, and just as I reached her seat on my march down the aisle, I'd lean in and whisper: "How do you like my fat *ss now?", and then just keep walking.

Last edited by thundahthighs : 05-29-2012 at 03:48 PM. Reason: @$$ is a bad word?!?!? NO! Hahahahha.
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Old 05-29-2012, 03:49 PM   #9
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UGH sounds like my family. Its so illogical too - we spend 24/7 in our bodies, we are quite aware of them and we can dress our OWN bodies as we please!
As someone said, unfortunately we can't choose our families so I just want to say that I totally hear ya! Just know that its not you, its HER!
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Old 05-29-2012, 03:54 PM   #10
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How is your relationship with your MIL? I loved mine!!! She passed away last year. Maybe she could do some shopping with you and you can actually have a wonderful happy memory of your wedding day dress decision?

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Old 05-29-2012, 04:36 PM   #11
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Sounds just like my family, hun.

Remember you are beautiful just the way you are, regardless of your weight. And if your parents can't support you then please find people who can. You deserve only the best.

I'm with thundah on this one... I know you'll find an amazing dress and then they won't have a snarky comment for ya!

Hang in there!
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Old 05-29-2012, 05:00 PM   #12
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I can't believe she said that!! Just remember that anything she says is a reflection of her, NOT you. *hugs*
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Old 05-29-2012, 05:31 PM   #13
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Not to be an echo, but I am so sorry that happened to you. Still, I think the fact that you are limiting her influence on your life is a great and brave thing. It took me a long time to step back from my dysfunctional family, so you have my admiration.

As far as her last jab, don't let it get you down! You will be a beautiful bride, no matter what! Funny, I just posted something about wedding dresses and being fat, saying how I don't want to be a "fat bride". But at the end of the day, as long as your love sees you as the most beautiful person in the world, it doesn't matter if you wear a potato sack to your wedding as you will look beautiful! Love does that to people. So please remember that you are beautiful at whatever size you are and pick a dress that makes you feel like a princess.
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Old 05-29-2012, 05:31 PM   #14
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My sister was around 300 pounds during her wedding, and when I saw her for the first time in her dress she took my breath away. She looked gorgeous, and I'm positive that it's a radiant bride thing having nothing to do with weight.

Your mother sounds like she's probably very unhappy with her own life and is choosing to take it out on you and the rest of the world. I've worked at a restaurant for 5 years, and I encounter so many ungrateful and downright rude customers. Initially, these encounters would bring me down and really throw me off, but I've learned to let them serve as motivation to become an even kinder person. Let your mom's harsh words do the same. Let them motivate you to be the best friend, wife, mother (?), even stranger that you can, so that everybody can count on you to brighten their day!

Marry the heck out of your fiance, and surround yourself with people who lift your spirits rather than try and bring you down!
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Old 05-29-2012, 05:33 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katbot24 View Post
I felt relieved that it went so well, I had been fearing a dramatic outburst. She got a final jab in just as I was leaving. She said:

"By the way, remember that you're fat. Don't pick something too tight."

Self esteem shattered.
What a terrible, passive aggressive, cruel thing for her to do. I'm very sorry that happened to you.
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