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Not being the fat friend anymore...

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Old 05-11-2012, 02:45 AM   #1
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Default Not being the fat friend anymore...

I decided to post this here because I feel like this is extra unique when you are in your 20's.

How do you (or expect to) deal with your 120's/130's/140's friends when you become their weight or thinner?

I know from past experiences I have had friends leave me when I was say within 20 lbs of their weight or even a lb less than them. I think they got used to going out with me and 100% of the attn being on them and even when I received a little it was too much for them to handle.

I have had several bad experience with men and it almost always involved my weight. I can't wait to have more opportunity or not to be dismissed because of my weight.
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Old 05-11-2012, 02:57 AM   #2
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When I lose my weight, and if I lose certain friends because of getting to a certain weight then honestly I won't mind, if they can't be happy for me getting healthy and being happy cos of a 'spotlight' then they aren't worth it, that's just me though.
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Old 05-11-2012, 03:01 AM   #3
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When I lose my weight, and if I lose certain friends because of getting to a certain weight then honestly I won't mind, if they can't be happy for me getting healthy and being happy cos of a 'spotlight' then they aren't worth it, that's just me though.
I agree!! I have not experienced any of this kind of behavior from any of my friends.
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Old 05-11-2012, 03:27 AM   #4
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Well, that is cool that you guys are either cool with the behavior or have not found it to exist in your current friendship.

But I have and I am trying to figure out how I will deal with it again as the lbs are coming off me again.
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Old 05-11-2012, 03:58 AM   #5
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I'm not really sure what you mean about dealing with it. Do you mean how to deal with how you feel about losing friends or do you mean how to handle them and not lose them as friends?

If you mean the second I think the advice Stephanie gave you is spot on. I don't count people as my friends if they can't be happy for my successes. I wouldn't want someone as a friend if the thing they thought was most important about me was that I was fatter than them.

BUT that being said, if you want to try and keep these people as friends the key is, as with any sort of relationship, is communication. Call them out on it "why don't you want to go out together anymore? because I'm getting some male attention?!" if you put it like that they might realise how ridiculously shallow they're being.
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Old 05-11-2012, 04:07 AM   #6
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I don't think I ever had that problem.. Even when I did get down to a good weight, my friends still looked 100 times better than me- I was never a girly girl, and they were. Even if I was as thin as them, they still got way more attention than me. Being as thin, though, does bring the DRAMA-MAKERS, and that sucks. I just try to ignore what people say.
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Old 05-11-2012, 04:40 AM   #7
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Maybe you need new friends. Good friends will support you.

I have wonderful friends. They ALL were awesome and supportive of me. My college friends love to compliment me and even my overweight friends say "Hey you look great! good job!"

My high school friends also compliment me and it was one of them that got me started losing in the first place because she has now lost around 100lbs! Makes it nice when we get together because she understands certain things.

If your friends are angry because you're no longer the "fat friend" then you weren't their friend—you were an accessory. People who keep others around to make themselves look better aren't worth hanging around anyway.
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Old 05-11-2012, 06:05 AM   #8
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I don't have any friends right now, so I'm not sure what would happen. Back in high school though, I was the skinny friend. I weighed around 110-115 and had a larger chest. The attention I got was very unwanted by me, and I sincerely hope the few friends I had knew that I didn't care for the "boys who would be boys" and that while we couldn't exactly trade clothes, I wasn't friends with them because I looked smaller by comparison. They were my friends because I was a nerdy girl who was socially uncomfortable (still am) and we had a lot in common and they were who I could confide in. Now I'm much larger, to say the least, and I definitely don't get any looks when I'm out with my husband except for maybe someone moving to give me room to scoot through somewhere. I would hope that if I did have friends, they would be the kind to support my weight loss, especially since it's mostly for health reasons. If they couldn't then it would hurt, but I may have to re-evaluate the so-called friendship.
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Old 05-11-2012, 06:33 AM   #9
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I've had nothing but support from my friends. However when I tell them I'm aiming to lose around 20 lbs more they say I'll be too skinny. It's very easy to look at me and think I'm at a good weight, but when I take off the jeans it's very clear that I still have a pooch - something that I want to get rid of. My aim is to get a nice toned stomach. I understand there'll always be a little bump, but as long as it's a firm bump I don't care! If that happens at 140 lbs then I'll start maintaining.
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Old 05-11-2012, 09:27 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackBarbieKiss125 View Post
I know from past experiences I have had friends leave me when I was say within 20 lbs of their weight or even a lb less than them. I think they got used to going out with me and 100% of the attn being on them and even when I received a little it was too much for them to handle.
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That is awful that your "friends" would treat you like that. You should not be their, for lack of a better word, stalking horse. If they can't handle you getting some deserved attention, I am not sure you should be friend.

Isn't it the pits being dismissed by guys because of your weight? I can't wait to be smaller and make sure they know they aren't getting a second bite at the apple. (Which is funny, because one of them is already sniffing around) When you hit your goal weight, knock those losers out!

As for my friends? My thin-minny friends are all super excited for my weight loss. Since they are all shy (and I am pretty friendly), they expect me to be able to wingwomen for me and pick up the spares (like in bowling...). lol.

I am more worried about the ones that AREN'T losing weight. They are very heavy and I am scared that they will become resentful of my success (that they aren't currently willing to work for). Even with what I have lost now they are...circling the wagon in a predatory manner preparing to cast me out it seems. All I can do it try and support them to lose weight themselves.
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Last edited by SugarRomeoTango4852 : 05-11-2012 at 09:28 AM.
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Old 05-11-2012, 03:34 PM   #11
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As others have stated, if your friends have an issue with your weightloss, then they aren't really your friends. Harsh but true. Real friends should be happy for you.

I'm not sure that my friends would ever take issue with it, I'd hope that they'd be supportive of my progress and pleased for me.

In fact, I can't wait to NOT be the fat friend!
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Old 05-11-2012, 04:20 PM   #12
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As everyone else has said; they're not your real friends! You should deal with this now or I believe it could be a trigger for regaining weight. You deserve positive, helpful and encouraging friends in your life. Not people who are just using you to feel a certain way about themselves.
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Old 05-11-2012, 05:10 PM   #13
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Aren't you just talking about acquaintances that you might have hung out with once in a while or a few times? I honestly can't imagine real friends displaying that behavior.

If it's your experience then I am not saying it's not true ofcourse, but I don't think they are friends and I think the only way to deal with it is find (or meet up with your) real friends. Now, I can se how there's some friendly competition when you go out with friends. But that's never in a bad way, atleast not to me. every girl wants to look "the best" or so but that doesn't mean she's disliking her own friends for looking even better.
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